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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I'm upset with my best friend
She and her husband have been having some recent trouble, and she gave him her facebook password as a full-disclosure kind of thing. Apparently, he read all of the messages that she and I had ever sent to each other over the last few years, which had a lot of information that was really personal to me that I'm not happy about him having read. Now, given what's going on with them, I"m actually way more on his side than hers, so I can understand why he'd want to get info about her and her doings, but it just really bothers me that he now knows this stuff about me. I haven't said anything to her because she's got bigger fish to fry right now, and may not, but it just really bugs me.
Am I overreacting?
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Re: I'm upset with my best friend
I can't really say you are overreacting or not because I probably would feel the same in your shoes knowing all the details and confirmation that her husband actually read everything going back 3 years which seems to me excessive and deep.
I do keep a mental note that I anything I say to my friend, there is a strong possibility that she will share with her husband. Personally, I don't think people should keep secrets from their spouses as their spouses are their partner in life.
It is a big risk we take in life when we open our self to another person. I've been through a lot in life and I am at the point where I can laugh at myself instead of worrying so much about what others know of me.
ETA: I originally wrote the above with the information that your friends? husband knows in mind and was more geared towards him knowing what you know. I'd definitely would definitely have more boundaries with what you share with her going forward.Ditto.
Letting someone marry you without all the pertinent information counts as being untrustworthy in a marriage, yeah?
1) I don't think you should assume that anybody should / would keep secrets from their spouse. Even secrets about a friend. I may not "share" things with my spouse (b/c he is not interested in another friends' problems), but I would never keep information from him.
2) Facebook is not private.
I can understand that you are upset, but a lot this is a result of your own choices.
I can understand why you would be upset and/or uncomfortable about him finding out all of these personal things, but I agree with the others as far as secrets and spouses. I always assume that someone may tell their spouse what I tell them, and so if I am too uncomfortable with their spouse having the information I just don't tell them either.
I'd be really annoyed, but in the grand scheme of things the husband probably doesn't really care that much and was just looking for the info on his wife. Not that it makes it okay, just hoping it helps you feel less weird about him knowing this stuff.
Also I agree that when you tell someone something you have to assume they will tell their husband. But honestly this annoys me to NO end. I can only understand if it's something that somehow affects the husband.
But (insert personal tirade) seriously, can I tell you how mad this makes me? I don't understand why a marriage automatically means it's okay to violate the privacy and trust of others.
I don't think all secrets are shared with spouses but there is definitely a lot of room for information to be leaked to a spouse. My ideal relationship with a spouse is an intimate one so I can see it be kind of easy to share.
I don't necessarily share intimate details of my friends with my husband. But, to be honest, I think I be really upset if someone had told me to keep secrets from my husband unless it had nothing to do with me or him and I had no part in the information emotionally. Friend should not create a wedge between married couples.
I would be really upset too. I am in the camp of my husband is the person I can tell secrets to, but that does not mean he gets the freedom to know every thing about all of my friends from forever.
For example, my former roommate went to high school with my DH, I am sure he would be interested all her secrets (good gossip), but I would never tell him, or let him read about them, and me and her aren't even friends anymore.
I would tell her that you are upset, the damage is done, but she needs to know that was wrong.
Or when friends confide in me, if it has nothing to do w/ DH, how is it that I'm keeping a secret from him if I dont' tell him?
This is where being married is very much NOT about "being one". My friends didn't marry my DH. I did. THEIR personal information is not his business simply due to the fact that I know this information.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10