DD

lexweir · March 2012

I deleted just in case, thank you for your input!

lexweir · March 2012

Sorry, forgot to add, I will DD later, just in case! Thank you!

MarcyLT · March 2012

In a situation like this, I think the relationship between your CW and your boss has probably degraded to a point where it really can't be fixed. I wouldn't speak to your boss about it if I were you. What I would do, though, is provide CW with guidance, friendship, and a sounding board when they need it and offer to help them in any way possible to find another job. Sometimes it's just time to move on, and for this person, that's what it sounds like to me. If you have people in the field you can introduce them to, maybe offer to do that. But don't get in the middle. It's not your relationship, it's theirs.

lexweir · March 2012

Thank you for response. I completely agree, they are past the point of no return. CW has great experience and could probably write her own ticket anywhere she wanted, but she's just not pulling the trigger. Trying to be supportive but not get involved in the interim is getting more difficult each day!

EastCoastBride · March 2012

Do you have an HR department? If so, I think CW needs to go talk to them.

lexweir · March 2012

Yes, we do have a corporate HR department (noone in our local office) and nothing came of it. Well, actually HR told boss that CW had expressed concerns, and Boss lit into CW. So I don't think they will be of much help, but I can recommend she try again, maybe with someone else in HR.

Sunidaze · March 2012

Honestly...the best thing for your coworker to do is get the hell outta there. Sooner rather than later. I know she's reluctant to do so, but the longer she waits, the worse it will get. It is sad that HR won't get more involved...especially when this could even have legal implications for the company if your co-worker would decide to pursue that avenue.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

BrandySun:
Honestly...the best thing for your coworker to do is get the hell outta there. Sooner rather than later. I know she's reluctant to do so, but the longer she waits, the worse it will get. It is sad that HR won't get more involved...especially when this could even have legal implications for the company if your co-worker would decide to pursue that avenue.

All of this.

Going back to HR- I don't think it's going to do any good. She could be more forceful, but if it gets back to her boss again, life will be even worse for her.

Unless she talks to an attorney first THEN goes back to HR....

lexweir · March 2012

Thank you all for the input, it's very helpful to me! This is something I have been struggling with and it's great to hear outside opinions.

Duffinger · March 2012

The same thing happened to a former CW of mine a couple of years ago, right down to the health issues from the stress our boss was causing her. All you can really do is encourage your CW to talk to HR and do her best to stand up for herself, but chances are, she's been worn so far down that she's not willing to or feels she can't trust anyone with info about the situation. It really would be in her best interest to open up to HR though - if your boss is so dead set on pushing this employee out, the boss may contact HR before the CW can. At least, that's what happened in my situation, and by the time my CW opened up to HR about it, it'd been going on for so long, HR had already been so involved in the boss's side of the story, that they couldn't/wouldn't help the CW at all.

My CW finally found a new job, but it was to the point where we were encouraging her to even just find a roommate and take a job at Starbucks, Walmart, wherever she could just to get away and cover her basic necessities. Since leaving, she's rebounded like you wouldn't believe. She's finally back over 100 lbs, off her anti-anxiety meds, not in therapy every other day...she's like a whole new person.

ETA: I should have read all the posts. I agree, she should avoid HR anymore. Just getting out will change her life for the better. She may not be able to be too picky about salary and whatnot, but just getting out will help her feel better and motivate her.

thealphabride · March 2012

If the Boss humiliates the CW in public and makes everyone else uncomfortable, perhaps you all could contact HR and let them know the boss is a bully.

You mentioned the boss "set her sights" on CW. If CW quits, who will the boss target next?

Bullies need to be stopped, because her behavior is escalating, and the CW reactions are escalating. What if CW snaps and gets a weapon? What if the boss sets her sights on someone else who snaps and gets a weapon? People can only take so much.....

Many workplace violence shootings stem from intense bullying. That is what I would be worried about if I were you.

lexweir · March 2012

thealphabride:
If the Boss humiliates the CW in public and makes everyone else uncomfortable, perhaps you all could contact HR and let them know the boss is a bully.
You mentioned the boss "set her sights" on CW. If CW quits, who will the boss target next?
Bullies need to be stopped, because her behavior is escalating, and the CW reactions are escalating. What if CW snaps and gets a weapon? What if the boss sets her sights on someone else who snaps and gets a weapon? People can only take so much.....
Many workplace violence shootings stem from intense bullying. That is what I would be worried about if I were you.

thanks for your comments. To be honest, I'm more concerned about CW harming herself out of stress, than her harming someone else (not that harming herself is less worrisome). It has definitely crossed my mind that if she leaves, boss could turn on me. I'm not as worried about that because 1) we have a past history and we know many of the same people so socially it would be hard for her to bully me, and 2) I just won't put up with it and don't need to put up with it. CW is single and supports herself, and doesnt have many friends or much family. For me, my DH makes a great salary and we have a large network of people who could easily get me another job. I'm not as "stuck" as she is, I guess. I'm lucky in that. At this point, I just don't know if it would make things worse for her if I speak up. We do have one of those ethics hotlines, maybe that would be a way to go...?

TheyCalledHerKate · March 2012

I can't even imagine how she is still there after six years. I was in a similar situation (although not quite as bad as what you are describing) and I lasted three years before moving on. Your co-worker needs to find a new job for her own health, especially her mental health. She should also be keeping a log of every incident, copies of emails etc and reporting it all to HR.

DD

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