Trouble in Paradise
ReturnOfKuus
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
A C&P from The Knot
I found out yesterday that up until a couple months ago, before my
fiance asked me to marry him, that he had been hardcore flirting with a
girl he used to have feelings for before we started dating. Let me take a
second to explain what hardcore flirting entails:
He was contacting
her almost daily, spending hours talking to her via texting and IMing.
He would ask her things like, "What are you wearing?", and repeatedly
tell her that he thought she was beautiful and sexy, and even wrote her
poems about how he wanted to have sex with her and sent them to her (one
of his areas of focus in college was poetry, so no he's not writing
poetry because we're fresh out of highschool).
He
also told her that he was thinking about leaving me. He never cheated
on me, but from what I found out it was mainly because he didn't have an
opportunity to.
I confronted him about it, and
he started crying, and just profusely apologized. He told me that he
was scared of our relationship at the time, because he had never been in
such a long and serious relationship before, and that one day he woke
up and realized that he was being a pig and that he loved me and wanted
to spend his life with me (which is what inspired him to propose).
Everything
was so perfect between us until now. He's my best friend, and I've
never loved anyone like I love him. Even my relationship with his family
is awesome...
I'm so confused now. I'm scared
that everything was just a lie, and I'm very angry with him. This isn't
the first thing that's gone sour, as the proposal itself was
disappointing to say the least. However, up until just recently
everything was great between us, or at least I thought it was.
I
don't know what to do. We've told all our family and friends, and
breaking off the engagement is going to be awkward. I want to forgive
him, but I feel like I'm starting to see this enitrely different side to
his character that I never knew (and I've known him for years) and it's
raising major alarms for me. The whole thing does seem completely out
of character for him, so part of me believes him that he just had a
lapse in sanity... It's all just really overwhelming.
(That's for if you want the original and all replies.)
Re: A C&P from The Knot
I don't get it. Sure it's awkward to tell people, "Hey I'm not getting married - it wasn't right for me" but people generally respect it. And it's better than marrying a d-bag who you later divorce.
Ok, this completely sucks for her and she needs to get rid of him, but these two paragraphs really stood out.
I'm not sure someone who puts a bad proposal on even near the same disappointment level as cheat (which this is) has all of her ducks in a row. And yeah, it's way easier and less awkward to end a short engagement than a short marriage.
The proposal:
Barbie, I posted about it on a different board a couple days ago. Basically, he told me he wanted to get engaged, and we had been talking about it for awhile, and I had told him the things that were important to me (such as the kinds of rings I liked, and that I wanted him to be thoughtful about the way he proposed). He ignored just about all of it. EX: I told him that I didn't want a gold band, which is exactly what he bought, and the ring was very low quality. As for the proposal: after telling me he was out getting me a ring, he came home and basically just handed it to me. It upset me because I explicitly told him that when he did it I wanted it to be a surprise, and that I wanted him to do something romantic (even if it was simple) and to not just hand me over the ring.
Click me, click me!
Methinks dude felt guilty about the cheating and rushed to put a ring on it to ease some of his guilt and keep her around.
It'll be a lot more awkward a year from now to say "Yeah, we're getting a divorce because he's been balls deep in this other chick since before we were even engaged".
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
My head literally wants to explode when I think of the kind of behavior people just blindly accept from their significant others. If this was H and he brought me a cup of coffee, I wouldn't be all "awww... that's so sweet". I'd be all "I'm sorry Officer. The cup just flew out of my hands and that's why he has 3rd degree burns on his genitalia"
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Why is everyone on the knot named something like, "kitty", "pegasus", "barbie" or "sprinkles"?
It's like a strip club over there. I don't remember that from my wedding month board.
HEY! Not all regulars are named goofy stuff like that, ahem!
Barbie is named as such because she has a husband named Ken. I don't know about Pegasuskat; she's a little odd (though not unpleasantly so).
He was a poetry major? ::snicker::
Also, if he's using his skillz to try and get some ass on the side, but can't be bothered with anything more than a "here's yr ring", then he might not be that into you.
Haha, ok not all of them. Then again looking at the list of online Nesties there are some gems in there too... I'm just in a judgy mood, don't mind me.
I'll also vouch for Barbie's awesomeness.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
It's absolutely brilliant!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
This is what I was thinking, too. He's writing the skankbot poetry to get in her pants, but all he can manage for his FI is, "Here"? THAT'S the extent of your effort?
What a douche.
Whoops I read that she was fresh out of High school which would have made sense.. then re read and realized that they aren't.
that being said this chick needs to run@
No, no, no, they're NOT fresh out of high school. He is out of college, so it's not like he's writing bad teenage poems fresh out of high school.
So he's writing bad mid-twenties poems instead? (I'm just guessing, but it is probably a safe bet) I'm dying to know what he does for a job-I can't imagine a poetry major is in high demand.
But yeah, DTMFA.
I used to work with a woman that was engaged to & had a child with a cheating douchecanoe. He cheated on her & every woman he had ever been with but never married any of them- just lots of engagements & kids.
He somehow managed to convince her that this was a good thing. That he wouldn't get married until he knew he could be faithful and she just had to hang on until he was ready. In her mind it somehow showed that he had respect for her because he would only cheat on her while they were engaged but not married. Seriously.
She needs to dump him in a hurry.
Maybe we laughed at women who didn't like the proposal; have a look at what he did; he doesn't care; there's no regard for her. She doesn't like yellow gold? He went and got it for her anyway.
No decent man who is about to make a lifelong commitment chats up other women and no decent man who is engaged tells other women he wants to sleep with them. Ugh.
I was going to guess the proposal went poorly because he did it with a "Roses are Red" poem.
Or a Haiku with 6 syllables or something.