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Fun "girls night" Never Again! vent
So, I have posted before.
My mom is a control freak and my aunt questions evreything/everyone to death.
Tonight, my mom brings up my job (I own a small business) in front of my aunt and grandmother. My aunt begins to question me to death as if she is a professor at a business college. I answered for as long as I could, as politely as I could (tried to defer conversation), then finally.....I couldn't take it anymore. My aunt was asking "why would anyone use your service vs another service and why would anyone even use you when they could get their neighbor to do it for free?" She completely insulted me and I let her know it....my mom defended her and I told them I was done explaining my business that i have built for 2 years.
:::In the meantime:::
My grandmother comes into the room and is finished with her charity brochure. she tells us that they have chosen a finalist for a scholarship, which financial aid is needed to obatin/earn the scholarship. My aunt's husband makes 6 figues and she is a teacher. They have $. they are not "hard-up". My mom tells my grandmother (half joking ) to let me have the scholarship (my family knows I want my Masters but can't afford it). My aunt says. "no let me have it, we just re-did our master bathroom!!!!! I need the $". I said" now is my cue to leave."
My aunt said she was joking, but after the grilling about my business, the schoalrship $ "joke" and other comments throughout the night, I couldn't take it and left.
This has been ongoing with my mom and aunt nitpicking about my business, criticizing me about every little thing, and being downright mean at times.
Had to vent, not sure if I was specific enough, but I am very upset and if there needs to be more details, holes filled, I can.....
Re: Fun "girls night" Never Again! vent
I hope you are sincere when you say 'never again'. Your mom, aunt & grandma sound like they just dogpiled you and if you go back, they'll continue to do the same thing.
Exactly. Just say "I'm happy in my profession, my business is successful, and I'm not going to discuss this anymore." Every time you answer a question, they see it as an opportunity to insult you more. It gives them a new point to agrue.
Yeah... you know how they are, especially your aunt. Why go along w/ it? Why answer her questions?
My FIL can be like this- he's very curious and inquisitive and if given free reign, he'll ask questions ad nauseum about stuff. I've out and out said to him "I really don't want to talk about this." when he's started in on me. He means absolutely no harm or judgement - he's just trying to "understand" (which is how I read your aunts questions - that one question strikes me as very much a devil's advocate question in order to learn more/ to understand more about your business. As annoying as it may be - I'm not sure what is insulting about it.)
So- if you don't want to be on the receiving end, either don't go or learn how to say "I'm not going to talk about this.".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I have an aunt like that - and my mother is pretty mean, too. It took me a long time to realize what was going on when it was happening.
Once I figured out when it was happening I was able to clamp them off.
So, to the pp, yeah, she keeps on going back, but maybe she just hasn't recognized the pattern while it was going on, only AFTER it all went down. It does happen...
IMHO The first step is reconizing the problem which in this case is what your family is doing to you, and I see it through this post.
Its how you handle it in the future will determine if you sink or swim in the family. For people like this, you could shut them out with a 100% display of changing the subject. For example:
Aunt says, "How is the business going?"
you say, "Great thanks."
which leads her into questioning you further, "What makes you different from your competitors?"
your answer should be, "Not sure. Anyway, how is everyone doing at home?"
Switch the subject matter, 100%. If she keeps asking you, keep asking her the same question...if she doesn't respect the fact you don't want to answer her, either (1) talk to someone else...or (2) thank the host and leave the event. You don't have to answer to anyone. You can't control people, but you can control how you act to others...you aunt sounds like a pushy woman, just ignore her.
There are certain things I've told my mom are 'off limits' to talk about. If she brings up how much I'm eating or my weight in general (I wear a size 4 btw), I just look at her and say "mom...stop." She doesn't always listen, but it helps to have boundaries.
Every situation is different, but maybe try telling her that it hurts you when she criticizes your business and from now on she is not to bring it up anymore; if she does, you'll leave the house and go home.
If it helps, congrats on having your own business, that's awesome!