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RE Sunday's email post (what should be upfront info or not?)
I don't have a bladder issue like one of the candidates but that post got me thinking and wondering for your opinion regarding my deafness.
I think most of you know that I am deaf as that is no secret. I recall years ago that when I tried online dating site, I didn't say anything about my deafness until after a few chats exchanged later. Or actually rather not until the day I meet them in person. I am kind of like this IRL depending on the circumstances. I don't look deaf and I don't wear a sign either.
I feel by not saying anything right away about my deafness allows people to see me as I am before they label me. It also helps them know that they can just talk to me like a normal person. If I tell them right away, they get all awkward and start gushing about how they feel bad that they don't know sign language and fumble with their hands. Every deaf person is different with how they communicate factoring from how they were raised and treated by family members. But often, in general, I feel like people think all deaf people are the same.
On the bad side, If I miss anything anyone saying or don't hear anyone call my name, I get a reaction from others like they think I am being a beotch or rude. They just don't realize I can't hear and they hear me talking to other people because I am responding to them by reading their lips.
I can see both sides, other people appreciated that I waited to tell them I am deaf while others gets all upset.
I just want to say, I don't feel sorry for myself one bit. My deafness can be quite an ice-breaker. Also, I know if anyone feels bad or feel awkward around me, it is really their issue and not mine. I am happy with who I am.
With that said, I am really curious to what you prefer or to know what comes to your mind about this. I am always fascinated to hear what other people think.
Re: RE Sunday's email post (what should be upfront info or not?)
I think I'd like to know about anything I'll notice when I meet the person beforehand. Like, I would want to know you were deaf before I met you, but I wouldn't be upset if it wasn't in your profile and you waited until we had chatted a bit before mentioning it.
The bladder issue, I can't imagine bringing that up until I was pretty serious with someone.
A good friend of mine is mostly blind and also struggles with this on online dating. His blindness though is very apparent from his pictures so even if he doesn't come right out with it, it's obvious.
I think that your approach to bring it up after some communication is a good bet. You don't want people to discount you based on your deafness and, unfortunately, you run the risk of doing that if you put it in your profile or in an intro email. Depending on someone's personal experience with the deaf community, people may not realize how communicative you are.
People chose to get upset over things and, you're right, that's their problem. I get jerks online telling me that there's a reason I'm divorced or that they don't want to talk to me because I'm divorced--jerks are jerks. I wouldn't worry about the people who get all upset.
It's not like you're misrepresenting yourself but not disclosing your deafness upfront. While it is part of you, you're an articulate woman who can communicate very well in a hearing world. It's not like you're going online, saying you're single when you're married or having someone write your emails because you'e illiterate, you know?
Heavenly, in your case aren't you're only willing to date someone who knows how to sign? So I think that might make sense to include upfront so don't waste other people's time.
Regarding the bladder issue, I know I'm a shallow, awful person, but I don't think I could get past that, and I'm fairly certain it would end up coming up at some point before being "really serious" so I don't think it's a horrible thing to be fairly upfront about. Maybe not in the intro email, but I'm sure he's had his fair share of heartbreak and doesn't want to go through it anymore.
Pretty much all of that.
Yes, for dating purpose I want to date someone who signs. This is why I won't be doing online dating (eHarmony is how I met my stbxh and he later learned sign language after dating). It has always been a passion of mine to break down communication barriers with the general public though. My question was more of a curiosity wondering those who are hearing thinks.
I think it's cool when people are up front, and it's something I prefer. With something like that guy's bladder issue, there's really no breezy way to bring it up, which is a real shame. I know you said you aren't going the online route, but if you did, your deafness is something that could easily be included in the About Me section -- which gives people a heads up without being all, "I'M DIFFERENT FROM YOU. WILL YOU DATE ME, YES OR NO?"
Soooo. I guess I think that it's best if that type of information can be integrated into a conversation casually and organically. But if not, sometimes you've gotta come straight out and ask the hard question.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Since I started that thread, I figured I should respond!! Honestly, I was blown away by the admission of bladder issues right off the bat and think it would have been better handled a little later on.
I guess I'd like to know, sort of early on, about health conditions that are going to continue to deteriorate (MS, CP, Huntington's Disease) which could potentially leave me as a primary caretaker (judge away). Something like being deaf would not really deter me if I liked the person.
The bolded line is often sort of like catch-22 in my experiences.
How so?
When I don't tell someone I am deaf, they get into the conversation and then once I tell them, they continue on as if it was nothing. If I tell someone new right away that I am deaf, its is usually small talks and then they leave the table.
I guess I will never know since he is severely introverted.
I think those people are douchey and I'd like to kick them in the shins for you!
I could really see some benefits in dating a deaf person.
I know that wasn't the topic, but you made me think.