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WWIND?
Ok so we have THREE sibling weddings this year. And one of us is standing up in every one of them.
BIL is getting married in Pesaro, Italy in the beginning of June and my sister is getting married in Wisconsin end of July (then my brother on NYE but we'll both go to that one since it's my family's turn to have us for Christmas).
DH and I reasoned that it would be fair and practical if he goes to his brother's and I go to my sister's. I will only have accumulated 13 days leave by that time anyway.
All good, right? Wrong. Now MIL is offering to buy my plane ticket to come to BIL's wedding. It's very generous of her, but I don't want to divide my limited vacation time between two continents, not to mention the added traveling days. I just don't think 30-40 hours (one way) of traveling is worth it for one week in the States. Also, I want to spend more time with my fam.
We travel a lot and she doesn't, so it's hard for her to understand that I don't want to fly more than is necessary. And she can and will certainly hold a grudge.
What would you do? Even if I'm 99% sure I can't accept the offer, how would you reason with a MIL?
Re: WWIND?
OMG, part of my family is from Pesaro
It's hard to give you advice 'cause you know your MIL best and how to communicate with her... I'd go for an honest approach and just tell her what you wrote in your post, travelling can be brutal and with there being another opportunity to spend some time with your family, you opted for the least stressful solution.
I'm merely saying this since it sounds like you were both happy with your decision before your MIL stepped up, so money for the ticket isn't the actual issue.
I don't even know what I would do... I would be dreading all those hours for a mere 7 days to spend home; then again, the wedding will be charming... Sorry, I'm no help
well, my dh flew to Australia (from London) twice - for only a couple of days - to be in weddings, I went back to MN (from London) for 5 days for a wedding once too
so flying for 7 days in the states would be worth it IMO, especially if you MIL holds a grudge
BUT
if it limits your holidays for going to see your family later in the year then I'd just say no, thank you for your generous offer, but it's work's fault I won't have enough leave by then (just tell her you won't have any - rather than I don't want to go for 1 week)
dh won't have enough holiday this year to come to MN to visit my family, so I'm going without him - you have to do what you have to do!! and seeing my family is most important to me - so I save up my work holiday days for that!!
I wouldn't go and I wouldn't try to reason with MIL. I would just say thank you, but the money was not the issue. I'm sorry, but I don't have enough time off. And leave it at that. Don't get dragged into a situation where you're trying to get her to "see" your position. That never works and usually gives more fuel for resentment.
If your MIL isn't willing to grant forgiveness and holds a grudge that's her problem not yours. People have lives and oddly enough those lives don't revolve around weddings - despite what the knot would have you think.
The area is beautiful! BIL's fiance is from Urbino. I always like visiting them.
Ha!
Ugh, family obligations are so tricky! I agree with neeps - it's your time and your choice to spend it how you want. Everyone understands having to work so I would just keep it really simple - thank you so much for your generous offer but due to our work commitments, we can't go to each other's family celebrations this time but we'll see you... whenever you're planning your next visit.
Good luck!
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
You guys are right, I'll blame it on work. And the less I explain to her, the better. She can think what she wants. I'll just say I don't have the days, she doesn't need to know how long I'm going to the States for.
I would explain to MIL that you don't have enough holidays or even add that you had already put in your dates with your company for your sister's wedding and for everyone at your works holiday planning, it can't be changed.
Of course tell her that you appreciate the offer for the ticket and that you wish you could be there etc...
Urbino is charming! My relatives are all located along the coast, Pesaro, Senigallia and Ancona. Marche is a gorgeous region, and they make the best shoes there! Every time we visited, when I was little, we used to stop in Fabriano along the way, to shop for the famous paper 'cause I was obsessed.
Ditto the sentiment behind this. You can say some of the things other people have suggested, but at the end of the day, the family may still feel hurt, whether that's rational or not. You have to decide whether that matters to you.