Family Matters
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
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jasminelor...
Joined on 03-12-2012
1,100 Points
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SIL Issues
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I have an older brother, and he and now his "ex" girlfriend of like 4 or more years, have my 2 year old niece. I have formed a bond with his girlfriend. She would call me just to talk, and when I'd go stay with them it would mostly be me and her and my niece, since my brother works so much. I have considered her my sister in law, because she was practically a part of the family. Aside from that, her and my brothers have had many issues that he would tell me about. I never let that affect my relationship with her, but they've been on and off so I never took it seriously. Now, she and my niece are living with her mother and my older brother lives with his mom. They broke up and seperated. I am pregnant now, and I have a babyshower that my brother doesn't want me to invite his ex-girlfriend to. Regardless of their split, she will always be my niece's mother and I still talk to them both on the phone. I don't know what to do in this situation. |
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TarponMono...
Joined on 01-14-2006
29,826 Points
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Sounds like a dreadfully unhealthy relationship.
Not for nothing but you should have extricated yourself from any friendship with her when they were on and off .
Not to mention everybody in this scenario sounds very young. Willing to bet they're teens to very young 20s. (and under 20 is a tad too young to be a dad...where was he in sex ed class? Sleeping???)
Your brother doesn't make the rules. THis is your shower; it's your call.
Some birth control for all invoved would have been nice...but the horse is out of the barn...and srsly, you don't know where the name "David" came from??
I am 20 years old and pregnant with my first baby. My mom only has 2 biological children, my little brother and I. However, my older step-brother she considers as a son. He has a little girl, but technically I am having my mother's first grandchild and she is driving me crazy! My main issue is with his name. My mom LOVES the name, David. (I don't know where that name came from) and she has her reasons. She convinced my bf that it was the perfect name and he agreed that he liked it. I, however, cannot stand the name David and I don't want to name my son that. My bf and I agreed that we both like Elijah and will name him that. My mom knows this, but everytime we talk she refers to him as her 'Davy Crocket' and ignores the fact that his name will be Elijah. She always brings up that both her AND my bf like the name and will not let it go. It's affecting my phone conversations with her. Idk what to do! I told her it upsets me and she still keeps going.
You're pretty childish, really. The above is a problem? |
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jasminelor...
Joined on 03-12-2012
1,100 Points
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Sadly, she is 24 and he will 30 this year. I'm younger than them both and I have a healthier relationship. |
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Wahoo
Joined on 02-17-2001
Bergen County, NJ
10,731 Points
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DH and I are still friendly with all of BILs exwives. I don't think it's that big a deal.
Does your brother have a current gf that is invited? If yes, then I can see how it may be awkward for her, and I would consider his request. Otherwise, it is your shower. And I agree with the PP - - she will always be your niece's mother. I would tell your brother, "I love you, but if you wanted to end your relationship with formergf, you should have thought of that before you had a baby with her. She will always be niecesmom to me, and you need to respect that."
By the way, since you are not hosting the shower, technically you are not in charge of the invites. |
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 "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.? -William Gibson |
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jasminelor...
Joined on 03-12-2012
1,100 Points
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You're pretty childish for copying and pasting a completely different post that I wrote. Obviously that *** you just said doesn't help me in the long run. So feel free to keep your comments to yourself. I'm pregnant and hormonal and if I posted it then OBVIOUSLY it's a *** problem! Thanks and be gone |
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jasminelor...
Joined on 03-12-2012
1,100 Points
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I see what you're saying, my cousin who is hosting my shower has told me to send her addresses to all the people that I want to be there, so she put me in charge of that part. Other than that, no he does not have a former gf. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they were together again in a few months. I just don't want to affect any of my relationships with them. But thanks for the advice. |
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lurkergal1
Joined on 10-18-2011
1,716 Points
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My brother has two ex-wives and I'm friendly with both of them. So I guess I am another vote for invite whomever you'd like!  |
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Velvetshad...
Joined on 08-31-2007
12,676 Points
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OP. You have made the choice to be a single mother. You have made the choice to become fully responsible for nuturing and raising another human being. You need to stop behaving like a child and looking to others for their approval and for them to make lifes coices for you. As Tarpon pointed out, neither of your posts sound like they are coming from an adult that is in control of their own life, let alone ready to be soley responsbile for another persons life.
If you can't handle getting opinions you don't like when you post for advice on an open forum, you aren't mature enough to be posting on an open forum. |
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ReturnOfKu...
Joined on 03-13-2006
your worst nightmares
55,071 Points
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 jasminelorraine20:Sadly, she is 24 and he will 30 this year. I'm younger than them both and I have a healthier relationship.
This is a huge lie.
From you, on both Relationships and TIP earlier today:
Trust Issues
My boyfriend and I just moved into our condo on Feb.1, we have a little boy that's due in June and we've been pretty happy and doing well living together. I have had no issues or concerns as far as trust until recently. On Saturday, he went to the club with his homeboys. The next day I notice a girl has text him that I never heard of before. I asked her who she was and she said an old friend of my boyfriend's "no disrespect meant". My bf keeps deleting her texts, I erased her number from his phone and noticed it's there again today and that she called him yesterday (it was a missed call). He assures me he will stop talking to her since it upsets me, but I'm just not sure. Any advice?
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jasminelor...
Joined on 03-12-2012
1,100 Points
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Who TF said anything about being a single mom you dummy! Did I mention ANYTHING about me being a single mom in this post? You need to grow up and stay off the post if you don't agree with anything I say. I can handle it. And I'm mature enough to block your dumb ass. And I am in charge of my life, AND I can act however I please. Now you can be gone too. |
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Velvetshad...
Joined on 08-31-2007
12,676 Points
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jasminelorraine20:
Who TF said anything about being a single mom you dummy! Did I mention ANYTHING about me being a single mom in this post? You need to grow up and stay off the post if you don't agree with anything I say. I can handle it. And I'm mature enough to block your dumb ass. And I am in charge of my life, AND I can act however I please. Now you can be gone too.
Honey, you are not married, therefore you will be a single mom. And by your post(s) on RE and TIP, you need to start accepting that sooner rather than later.
And the countdown to her next DD starts in 3...2...1... |
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Re: As predicted...DD
And Honey, you dropped this on the MN board as well..let me guess, you got knocked up so you wont have to risk being deployed, didn't you?
Military/Civilian Concerns
I am an airman and I'm pregnant with my first baby. The dad and I are still together and very happy. However, he's a civilian and works at the shipyard. We have a home together and established life together, getting ready for our little man. However, my office is getting hit hard with orders. I don't have anything to worry about at the moment because I have only been stationed here for 2 years and they are only giving 3 year or more airman orders. My bf and I plan to get married in the near future, and if I get orders to PCS then I don't know what I'll do. My bf cannot just pick and leave b/c of his job at the shipyard. My enlistment is up next year and I am stuck b/t finishing my enlistment and going palace front (guard), or re-enlisting and risking getting moved. I don't know which would benefit my family more. Lose benefits by going guard? Or risk getting orders?
Obviously no one here is going to be able to make that decision for you but I'm sure most will give you some food for thought.
-You need to assume you will receive orders for a PCS and deployment if you stay in.
-If you re-enlisted, would you enjoy that path? Benefits are not worth being miserable in a career for another 4-6 (or more) years.
-If you didn't re-enlist, what civilian career opportunities do you have?
-Have you talked to your BF about the what-ifs of moving because of orders? What are his thoughts?
-Going Guard or Reserves has it's own set of circumstances as well. At least one weekend away every month, at least two weeks away every year for AT, not to mention classes to continue earning rank and staying up to date with your MOS; all on top of a civilian career.
Also Known As...the Wife
If your enlistment is up next year, you'd likely have to extend/reenlist in order to obtain eligibility. If you don't do that, PCSing isn't likely.
There are thousands of people lined up and willing to take your spot. Hit the books, finish your CCAF, and get out.
She means because it opens up a slot for someone else to get in, someone who wants to. She never said you were bad at your job. Chill out.
Walk a mile in my boots....a blog
Charty chart
BFP 06/07/2011, due on Valentine's Day 2012! Natural m/c 06/15/2011 @ 6 weeks.
"Mid-February shouldn?t be so scary. I miss you. They say I?ll be OK, but I?m not going to ever get over you." - Miranda Lambert
The reason she said that is because you said you didnt want to stay active duty. She doesnt know you, what you are like as an Airman or anything else. All she knows is you said you didnt want to be in. So she is going to respond as such, and I agree that people saying they dont want to stay active duty shouldn't.
Feel free to elaborate more to avoid people misunderstanding/misjudging how you feel. We are not mind readers.
And the last two posts on the SIL thread:
Back to top
And here is the Controlling mom post:
Controlling Mom
She wants to get a rise out of you...or she is just annoying. Either way, she is stressing you out.
Just ignore her antics. I know its hard, but you can't control others, but you can control how you act around others. If she wants to get "a rise" out of you, ignore her, don't give her what she wants.
When a 6'4" hot swedish viking vampire 1,000 years your senior is your competition, just give up.
That would make me rage... I feel your pain.
The best you can do is tell her that you appreciate her input, but it is your child and the final decision on the name will be you and your boyfriend's. You will have to be firm, and tell her that that is the end of the conversation and you will not discuss it anymore. If she tries to bring it up again, hang up or leave the room. If she just casually calls him David, ignore the reference but refer to him as Elijah. Try to ignore it as best you can until the baby is here. Once he is here, I imagine she will call him by his name. If she doesn't, that will be a whole separate issue because your baby will have identity problems... unless she is completely crazy, I doubt she wants that. She is probably just trying to convince you of David, or wear you down.
Hang in there
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Next time she brings it up, I'd tell her if she mentions it one more time, you are naming the tike Li'shitt and sending the birth announcement to all her friends kettign them know you named him after her.
Listen, you are an adult. You are going to be a mother. Your mother can only control you if you allow her to. Stop letting her.
Why, she isn't being respectful to you. You've told her your decision, you've told her you are bothered by her continuing to badger you about it, and what has she done? Oh, yeah, disrespected you and your feelings.
If you and the baby's father are in agreement about your child's name, that is all that matters.
Ignore your mother. If she brings it up, pay her no attention. Hang up the phone or walk away if she won't knock it off.
You already did this. You told her that it upsets you that she calls him by the wrong name, and she ignored you and continued to do what she wanted to do.
So, you have to take a different approach, if you want her to know that you really mean it. Stop giving her details, stop talking to her about the baby, stop taking her calls if need be. When she asks why you're distancing yourself from her, then say, "I already told you, it really upsets me when you refer to the baby by the wrong name. We've decided on Elijah. Please respect our choice, otherwise it makes me want to stop sharing all of this with you." Then she can either knock it off and share the experience with you, or she can keep calling him David and you can ignore her and she won't be a part of things as much, or at all.
I know you want to share this with your mom. But you said that when you DO share things, she upsets you. If you've already told her that you want her to stop and she didn't, then I honestly don't know what else you can say to her. So you can either change your approach and see if that puts a stop to things, or you can keep doing what you're doing and keep getting frustrated (or accept that this is the way she is and try to put it behind you).
Let her call him David. It's not like she has any say in the matter. If she keeps calling him David after he's born... well, that's weird, but it won't really make any difference.
You have many of these issues ahead of you. Everyone will have an opinion on how you raise your child. Now is the time to learn what matters and what doesn't. Your mother's attempts to name your child have no real effects, so they don't matter. Similarly, she can't make you breastfeed or give your son formula, discipline him a certain way, or send him to a particular school. Her words are just words. Learn to say, "Thanks, Mom. We'll think about it!"
Tell your mom that you can't name the baby David b/c you had a one night stand by that name. It would be disrespectful to your bf to name your baby that (if your bf was your first, you can say the "one night stand" was a make out session or something).
Also tell your mom that she is young enough to have another baby if she wants one of her own to name David.
Personally, I like Elijah better!
Boy, oh boy, do I feel your pain!
When DS was born we decided to give him a middle name reflecting H's ancestral heritage (they're Czech). We found one that we thought was nice and flowed with DS's first name really well. FIL told me the day DS was born that he hopes DS chooses to go by his middle name like he does.
Now when DS (who's 3) goes to visit FIL & MIL, FIL INSISTS on calling him by his middle name. DS only hears it when he's in trouble, however, so it normally doesn't occur to him that FIL is talking to him and he ignores it.
My point is, your mother is going to call the baby whatever she wants. That doesn't make it your baby's name. Your child will know and recognize the name that you and your bf chose for him. You've chosen a name, good. You've told everyone what it is, good. The discussion is over.
Honey, I'm confused, why is naming him "David" such an issue for you if you've already made the decision to make David his middle name (as per your Bump siggie http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/64431598.aspx )?
Gestational Diabetes Questions!
-->Today I go to the lab to test for gestational diabetes. I keep hearing that the drink they give us is HORRIBLE tasting from some people, and then I hear that it's actually not that bad. Also, what happens if we do have diabetes? Have any of you moms discovered that you had it?
I chose to spend the time providing real responses to her posts and I chose to take the 2 minutes to repost the ones I had open when she did as I predicted and deleted. And yes, it was a waste of perfectly good time to do both.
However, you opened a post that was clearly marked as to what it was, and you spent the time responding with disgust when it was what is stated it was. Explain exactly how you believe you are spending your time on something more "worth while" than I am.
BTW, I'm taking a break from cleaning my home office, my entire goal was to waste a few minutes while I caught my breath--so I'd agrue that I'm meeting my goal for the time slot.
I thought it was immaturebebeewholiveswithcheatingboyfriendandthinkssheisntasinglemom
i guess i was wrong.
And what exactly "worthwhile" are you doing on the Nest?
Clearly, responding to this post was so worthwhile in your book. Guess that means you also need a life.