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Not sure if I can live in the same house anymore! (long)
Papers were filed March 5th, but H hasn't been served yet. The guy came twice to our house, but H either wasn't home or didn't answer. Anyway, because of our children, we are still living together in our marital home either until the divorce is final and we sell it/he buys me out, or once my attorney says it's ok. I thought we could do it. Well, I am quickly changing my mind!
I just had nasal surgery on Friday. My mom stayed with us until Sunday morning in case I needed some help getting around or whatever. H took the girls out over the weekend so I could just chill, relax, and sleep. Fast forward to today. I am feeling a lot better. I have no problems walking around or doing light things; however, I can't bend over or lift anything over 10lbs.
The girls were with H's parents today. Tuesday nights we normally order pizza. Around 5:30 he was getting ready to go pick them up and mentioned that they were going to have pizza at his parents. I asked what am I supposed to do for dinner since I was expecting to order out and eat here. He didn't seem to care. I asked how long he knew they were going to eat there (since this morning) and flipped out on him for not telling me plans had changed. It got to the point where he yelled back to me that I am not high on his priority list anymore. Which obviously pissed me off so we started yelling at each other and swearing and such. He even called me a baby.
I understand that I am not a priority anymore, but I thought that with us still living together until the divorce is final, that he would at least still be decent to me. Not nice, nice would be him bringing pizza home for me or picking something up for me, but decent. The decent thing would've been to at least tell me that they were going to eat at his parent's tonight.
If this is how it's going to be until the divorce is final, which at the earliest would be August (I think), I don't think I'm going to be able to handle it. And I defiinitely don't want to flip out in front of the girls. I'm calling my attorney tomorrow to see if I can get in to see him and get things rolling and to see what he says about our living situation.
Sorry this was so long. I'm very emotional right now so I'd be surprised if this even makes any sense! Either way, thanks for letting me vent!
Our Angel baby 6/10/08 @ 6w6d
Re: Not sure if I can live in the same house anymore! (long)
Yea you definitely need to get out. That would be really stressful. I think in the meantime though you guys need to set up boundaries. Maybe divide up the nights you are responsible for watching/feeding the girls? Then the other person is on their own for the night?
I just think really focusing on living separately might be helpful. I hope you can move soon!
You're kidding, right? You're divorcing your husband, but you think he should still make sure you have dinner, and expect things to go as they did previously? Honestly I think it was pretty nice of him to mention that to you at all.
I know its a really emotional time, but you need to step back and be more realistic. At best, if you have to live together, you can expect cordial roommates. It is not his job to make sure you take care of yourself, get to work, pay your bills, etc.
Its a big change, but that's what divorce is.
To an extent, yes. We have 2 small children who we haven't mentioned this to yet. I'd like to try to keep things as normal as possible until we are ready to tell them. I don't expect him to be nice to me, but decent? Yes.
Thanks. I am calling my attorney in the morning to tell him we need to do something about the living arrangements because I don't think it's possible anymore.
And I agree, it's only going to get worse.
You definitely need to get into counseling. For one of two reasons: either you getting upset about pizza is an outlet for some underlying pent up feelings and resentment you have or you have some control issues/unreasonable expectations. Basically you're coming onto this Board claiming your STBX is not a decent human being because he waited to the last minute to tell you that he had dinner plans for himself and your kids. Meanwhile there are people on here whose husband's abused them, cheated on them, used drugs behind their backs. You've indicated you want to split, he is emotionally distancing himself from you by spending time away from you. This is normal.
My husband frequently works late and sometimes forgets to tell me he won't be home for dinner or doesn't know he won't be home for dinner until the day of. It can be annoying when it messes up my plans, but I'm a grown adult who is capable of ordering take out or cooking. It hardly makes him evil, malicious or less than a decent human being. It would never occur to me to expect that he would provide me with dinner, I think it's weird that you expect/define "good" as making sure you are fed.
If you expect this of him you should have discussed this part with him. You can't ASSUME.
I'm one who's H cheated and we lived together for a bit before I found a place back in my hometown (500 miles away). We discussed each day who would have the girls for dinner, etc., and never assumed anything would continue like before. I know you just had surgery but there has to be other food in the house that you could easily make - cereal, oatmeal, PB&J.... Or order food to be delivered. For this specific gripe, I feel like you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
DD2 11.17.08
After sleeping on this, I agree that I was/am expecting too much. I knew that all of this would catch up with me sooner or later, and it looks like it took this situation to do it. I called my attorney this morning and am waiting to hear back from him to discuss options on our living situation. I know this will only get harder once he's served and we start going to court and such. This kind of reaction to missed dinner is not healthy for me, or our girls. Thanks for not laying into me too hard ladies.
Agreed. Honestly, it's pizza. There are going to be a lot bigger fish to fry than what you're having for dinner and how you're getting it. You need to put things in perspective as you proceed with the divorce or you're going to having a very difficult time.
Agreed. I've never been one to talk about how I'm feeling and I tend to hold things in until I explode. I knew I "seemed" to be handling this all too well. Looks like it was all just building up and I exploded over pizza. I knew my decision would hit my emotions eventually and I would break down.
I've exploded over less than pizza so I completely understand. Counseling will help you let things out before you can explode--you also might want to get the whole family in counseling to help the kids cope. Journaling helps too. I hope you hear from your atty regarding your living situation.
1. move out.
2. if you flipped out and yelled at him over some pizza, sounds to me like you were being a baby.
*applauds SweetChix*
Looking back today, yes, I agree that it was childish of me. I think the reasoning behind it is because all of these emotions have been building up until this little thing caused them to burst. I could give a bunch of reasons as to why I think the "pizza" situation pushed me over the edge, but I will just accept that it happened and I shouldn't have lost control and hope that I will handle similar situations better.
Is this a good thing?
Tea Time for Lulu