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What is your opinion on this? FB Related
I've seen several magazine articles that say how research has found that FB is unhealthy for those with low self esteem. It is natural habit to compare yourself to others and when you're missing something in your life, it is easy to get depressed when things like engagements, marriages and birth announcements pop up in your feed. What is your take on this?
I personally have dealt with this to a degree. XH is not in my DS life nor is he apart of his first child's life who is about 8 (last time he saw him he was about 1.5 yrs old). While we were in the midst of our separation/divorce he knocked up his gf and married her a week after our divorce was final followed by having the baby a week later. On FB he posts picks as well as she does of him being father of the year to their daughter while he still has 2 kids he has nothing to do with. While I no longer check up on him or have hard feelings anymore, I had to tell myself that it was all fake as shiit and pictures can be deceiving. The fact remains he's still a deadbeat to two beautiful children who are currently still fatherless.
Re: What is your opinion on this? FB Related
Why are you still FB friends?
I am on FB but rarely put much stock into the people who are "so happy" on there. If they're gushing constantly about how happy they are, what are they trying to prove? The only person they are trying to convince is themselves, IMHO.
I heard something that makes sense "never compare your behind the scenes with someone elses' highlight reel".
I agree with A. Why are you friends with him? I would block him.
I also agree that the people who gush about their lives are often the most miserable. People who have wonderful lives don't need to brag about it over the internet.
THIS and this is exactly why Im not on it anymore. FB free for almost 1.5 years so I dont have to hear about how great everyones lives are.
Yeah I would block your XH.
And I think anyone who gets depressed over what people post on facebook need to man up or get their @ss off of facebook.
I'm not friend nor ever have been, but he'd pop up in my list of people to add since I'm still friends with a lot of the same people. The profile pics were what I was seeing. Like I said above, I no longer do this.
What pisses me off more is that I did text him back in January after being convinced by Z to ask for half of a medical bills since I was pretty strapped from Christmas. He agreed to pay and actually sent the money but never once in those texts or has he since asked about DS. It was all merely a business transaction.
I do think FB use can be harmful for those with low self-esteem. Not because of 'comparison' reasons that you described the article was saying (Though, I don?t dismiss the theory).
My reasons:
1. People with low self-esteem might vent private information on FB that they later may regret. It may be too easy for them to open up when it is them facing monitor vs in person. This action leaves room for more judgments if you can't handle them.
2. Other people's comments may be taken personally and if one has low self-esteem, they might self judge and be harder on themselves more than they should. (People with low self-esteems tend to attract others with the same traits and thus may get harsh comments)
3. As for the inflated happy life being displayed on FB, I think people in general can tell if they are boasting out of low self esteem vs those who are sharing their excitement.
Block him and he won't show up anymore, and he won't see anything on your page either. Easy peasy.
That's shitty that he isn't interested in being a parent to your totally adorable son, but honestly, that is HIS loss.
I think people with unhealthy self-esteem could use a variety of tools in an unhealthy way. If it wasn't Facebook it would be something else. I think if you take FB that seriously then yes, you probably shouldn't be on it.
Personally I love Facebook. I keep mine limited to people I actually care about and I think it's a fun and easy way to stay caught up with people.
Ditto Pdx, FB gets a lot of flak for people using it in stupid ways.
I myself blocked XH as soon as I called it quits, because I know I'd be creeping up a storm and toturing myself over every little comment.
I do feel bad for your sitch tho. Your DS deserves better, so do you.
I'm actually a graduate student and do my research in social networking and its psychological impact so I've read A LOT of scholarly articles on this topic. The research doesn't support this 100%. There's a lot of research that shows FB and other social networking websites can actually really help people with various self-esteem/social phobia/mental health issues. Actually now that I think about it, most if not all the articles I have read have shown it to help people in some way. Perhaps I need to rethink my next research study (I'm trying to link body image problems and Facebook), haha. Most of the studies I've read that have shown any negative "effects" are really more correlational studies that have shown links between one thing and the internet, but nothing showing causation of any further problems...so maybe there's hope for my study, yet!
I think it's all about how you approach things and the type of people you surround yourself with, and that's true to real life too. If you are obsessed with appearances and being "popular" (like a lot of young kids are) you're not happy in real life so why would on-line life be any different or helpful to you psychologically?
Personally my XH deleted his FB and when he created a new one I opted not to re-friend him. I left him, and even I can't handle when I see him comment on mutual friend's FB statuses. Seeing that alone or his profile picture is enough to upset me. But I've also chosen to distance myself from him in real life too (we do not talk, live on opposite coasts, etc.) because any contact is difficult.
Tea Time for Lulu
Wait a minute...just because people spout about how happy they are on FB means that they're all faking it? I suppose that I should STFU then to my 80 friends when something goes right and I want to share it. I mean, surely there are fakers out there but come on...
Not to sound like a b*tch but really? I'm more than happy to throw out a congratulations to my friends when they are doing well in their lives and don't think people should have to hold back when they are. I suppose the low self esteem thing is tied in to this too where, if you're too happy, people might get jealous or you might seem like you're projecting a fake image. On the flip side, you are not to show emotion on your page or you also might be seen as having low self esteem.
Sorry, I just get tired of hearing how awful it is to proclaim happiness.
1. Block your XH so you don't have to worry about seeing any of that nonsense.
2. It's just FB...there will always be people (online or in real life) who gush about fabulous life is or constantly complain about how everything sucks. It's all about how you manage it. Do I think it can bother people with low self esteem, I'm sure it can. Thing is, we all have days were something just bugs us and we just need to say "wtf am I upset about this stupid post/picture/whatever" and turn off the computer.
3. I'm in the minority and only have 40 FB friends, but they are all my real-life-we-hang-out friends and they know each others ups and downs online and in person.
I'm reading this and thinking that you knew your ex was a poor father to the first child that he had, and then you chose to have a baby with him. And his current gf is making the same choice. What does it matter if he is a deadbeat? He can always find some new girl to make a baby with, who doesn't care about his character. And he can "replace" his last kid with the next one. Sorry, but that is the part that just can't get out of my head.
FB is what you make of it. I just read one thing were it can make people feel more included. The example I saw was that there are kids who feel they are "goth" (for example). But the kids in their school don't understand them. Or the goth kids in their school say "you can wear black lipstick, but that doesn't make you one of us." But they can join online FB friends and feel part of the crowd.
I've also seen something that reads "May your life be as great as it appears on FB" so I guess it goes both ways.
If your ex isn't part of your life, then block him on FB. It is a healthier choice than making yourself miserable. And it's best that you block him now before your LO grows old enough to log on and see that his dad is "father of the year" (ahem!) to another kid.