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I hate dating; feeling bummed
I'm so bummed. The guy I went out with last week....well, early on Sat evening (he knew I was babysitting our mutual friends' 2 oldest girls kids at my house) I sent him a text saying how "Hope your weekend is going well despite having to work a lot. The night was in full effect after the zoo, dinner and now a movie. I'm exhausted already. If you're up for it, I'd love to get together some time this week." And he immediately wrote back "Sounds like you have your hands full!!! I have a really busy 3 days off, but I will try n work it out" (he has a part time job in addition to full time and I guess my friend's DH said he works all the time). I replied "I definitely do! I have Mon and Wed evenings free" And that was that, noting back from him and now it's Tuesday night and I'm just deflated.
Sometimes I ask God/the Universe why good dates happen and then nothing results.....it's like what's the point. I have so many people around me saying how much I have to offer, how great I am, blah blah blah and I just end up in this place all of the time--32, divorced, and just pissed off I haven't been in love for a really really long time.......
I have so many wonderful things in my life right now, I mean I just got accepted to freaking Harvard University, but I can't even see that because I want a partner in my life.....
Re: I hate dating; feeling bummed
TEM, I feel for you and I say this lightly....do you think others (i.e. guys) might be picking up on your frustration/strong desire to have a relationship?
I only say this because I have a friend that *really* wants to be a relationship and I think this causes her to come off a little strong with guys.
I know what it is like to want to share your life with someone else, and it will happen. But everything happens for a reason. Who knows, maybe you will hear from him. And if you don't then it wasn't to be. Try to focus on your positives in life and how this will help you be a better partner when it comes.
HUGS!
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Thanks,
I definitely understand what you mean, but I know I'm not coming on too strong. I don't just want a relationship, I want love. I was in a relationship and ended it a few weeks ago because I wasn't falling in love. I easily could've stayed in it. I hope wanting love isn't synonymous w/ being desperate these days...
ETA: I guess I am coming on too strong......by asking him out again? This was the only exchange I had with him. I feel like if I was smothering him with calls and texts nonstop, then yes, I'd be coming on too strong. Who the F knows.....I guess I suck at dating.
Why can't women ask men out? I don't get it. I rarely ever ask any body out, but.....why couldn't I?? Asking a guy out on one date is coming on too strong?? WTF?
I'm with you, TEM. I don't do it often, but I do do it. And, to be frank, if you're the type of girl who's cool with asking a guy out, and the guy you're asking out is freaked out that YOU'RE the one doing the asking, you probably don't want to date him anyway.
I'm sorry you're feeling so down about relationships right now. ::hugs:: I know it's tough to focus on your positives when something you really want isn't happening for you (trust me, oh how I know), but, woman, YOU GOT INTO HARVARD! You are entirely awesome. Just keep telling yourself that.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
I think you should totally ask a guy out if you're feeling it. I think that a lot of men are just wishy washy when it comes to dating. I never thought that dating would be this hard in my late twenties. I thought that men would have grown up by now, but I think I'm realizing that the ones who are single right now either have deep issues, or they don't know what they want.
I agree with PP, if you ask a guy out and he doesn't want to see you based on the fact that you were a go getter...eff him. Find someone else.
As for the guy you mentioned, it could just be that he has a lot going on and has forgotten to return your text. I think the ball is in his court right now. If you hear from him, great. If not, move along. When it works, it works, and it will be easy.
Chin up, Charlie.
Sorry I don't agree with this at all. I have no problem asking a guy out if I'm interested. I'm not going to just wait around to be asked out if I'm interested in a guy. But to each his own I guess.
ETA- I don't think you came off too strong with that one text to him, at all. I personally would reach out to him and see if you were still on to hang out tomorrow night since he mentioned it. But that's just me because I hate waiting around. I don't know how you feel about doing that though.
<a href="http://s941.photobucket.com/albums/ad259/laurens1122-bfp/?action=view
Thanks, girls.....I agree, a guy that would be put off by an outgoing go-getter girl couldn't be my man anyway. I'm always putting myself out there and how I feel...
I know now all I can do is wait, so.......and then, if it's not meant to be, just move on with it. I've been through worse I suppose!
This is really sad to me... You were accepted Harvard and can't even feel good about it because you don't have a partner?
That is so lame... for me that would mean I couldn't be happy about being chosen for the Australia position because I didn't have a partner? Honestly that thought never crossed my mind... I focused on the people I would meet, the adventures I would get to have and how good it would look on my resume. Life is too short to be sad... focus on how lucky and intelligent you are instead!!!!
Believe me, it's sad to me too. I know how lucky I am, and while most days, I'm pretty fine with being single because I have a very full life, every now and then I'm sad about not having a romantic partner in my life.....and I guess I just got my hopes up that things most progress with this guy and I'm thinking now they won't, so it brought out some sadness....I don't know, I feel like that's mildly normal?!
No, I don't think you are coming on too strong by asking him out. And I don't agree with PP that said that you shouldn't ask a guy out. I am in the camp of "if you like, ask him".
I guess when I said coming on too strong, I meant by your attitude and tone with him. With my friend, she just tries too hard. She tries to be "too" cute, and "too" funny and "too" witty and I think guys can pick up that she is a little desperate. I am not saying that you are but I also don't know what happened on your date. I am not suggesting that you DID come on too strong but more ask yourself what your interactions with him are and decide for youself.
If you don't think you came on too strong then there are 2 choices: 1) He REALLY is busy and doesn't want to make plans because he has too much to do and wouldn't want to cancel or overwhelm himself or 2) He doesn't want to go on another date.
Either way, I wouldn't text him again. He knows that you are interested and the ball is in his court, IMHO.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I really agree with that quote by Sharic. I also don't think that you're coming on too strongly. The thing is, there must be someone better out there. I know it's hard and you've been single a long time. I know it seems really unfair. But I think that good things are coming your way!
Just stay positive, stay focused on the wonderful things in your life, and eventually the right thing WILL happen.
I don't think your initial text came on too strong. The bolded part is where you crossed the line. You suggested you guys get together. He said he was busy but would try to work it out. Then you suggested particular days when he JUST said he'd have to see if he could work it out. If a guy did that to me it would annoy me and likely be a huge turn off.
I guess, I thought I was just being clear & helpful.... I'm a high school teacher, I'm a bit anal and structured by nature....
I share the same sentiments. It might be quite possible that the man is waiting for you also goes to Harvard? You never know.
Agreed. I believe good things are going to come your way TEM. Just a matter of time. Your feelings are totally normal, and it is ok to be sad sometimes. Don't listen to anyone who says it's lame to feel the way you do.
Thanks, Haines & Chase, I know you're right. Just sucks to have to self reflect and evaluate my actions and see if I was to blame here......but I feel like if I scared him off JUST by saying I was free on two specific days, then WTF?!?! I mean, are we THAT easily scared off these days?
You did NOTHING wrong. He said he'd try to work it out, you told him when you were free. Why is that supposed to be a big deal? So he's able to work it out on either Tuesday or Wednesday, and picks Tuesday, then asks you out for Tuesday only to find out you're not free Tuesday, so he has to then go back to work it out for Wednesday? That would be irritating. That's a game, IMO. A stupid one.
Since when did women have to start tiptoeing around men like their fight-or-flight was constantly on?
TEM
I just want to say i know EXACTLY how you are feeling right now bc I am in the same boat. I have had three amazing dates with a new guy. I am REALLY into him (but keeping the crazy in check) but he is SUPER busy. On Tuesday I was FREAKING the F out bc I texted him in the morning and he didnt text me back. He did end up texting me later than night and we talked on the phone but i was flipping out all day long (which is sort of unlike me) and was thinking it was bc he decided he didnt like me/didnt want to date me anymore. But it turns out he is just SUPER busy right now with all his commitments and I can't see him until next week which sucks! :-(
I just hate the beginning part of dating bc its such a crap shoot on what is going on, what the other person is thinking, etc. I just want to SKIP this stage and KNOW where we stand
and it doesnt help that I am SUPER duper impatient. 