Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Would you share your visitation schedule with me?
Our mediation appointment is in a few weeks and I want to be prepared so I don't forget anything. Right now I requested he have EOW visits (he either has to secure permanent housing, he is living in a hotel, or the visits will be at his parent's house).
What do you do for holidays? birthdays? vacations? Should I ask for the right of first refusal? Anything else I am missing?
My kids are 5 and 2 if that matters. Thanks!!!
Re: Would you share your visitation schedule with me?
My eh has EOW (Friday night at 7:30pm to Sunday night at 7:30pm). He also has visitation with DS every Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5pm to 7:30pm.
Holidays, we just left that out for us to figure out on our own. EH isn't big on holidays and he has a super small family. Also, he only gets 10 days a year off including sick days and rarely has holidays. He only gets 1 day for Thanksgiving and 1 day for Christmas for holiday. I, on the other hand have 26 paid days off a year with additional 10 company paid days.
For now, I do include him on a lot of holiday functions and events regardless who has ds for the day. DS is still really young (18 months) and we both enjoy watching him grow and learn new things together. He is a really good father and we co-parent extremely well together.
Thank you!
I guess I should add that STBX and I are not amicable at all right now (he is in complete denial).
Well mine is a little different because XH has just recently been getting his act together. He started off with three hours/week of SUPERVISED visits and now he has two visits/week unsupervised. Tuesday evenings he has him frmo 5:30-8pm and Sundays he has him from 3-7pm. If all goes well he will have an eight hour visit each Sunday. He's not ready for overnights yet, given his history.
Oh and DS is 2.5 years old.
XH has DS every Friday from after school (4 PM) until noon-ish on Saturday of "my" weekend and has him Friday until Sunday (4 PM) on "his" weekend. XH's family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve so he has DS all day Christmas Eve every year and I have him on Christmas Day. I don't ever do anything for Thanksgiving, so he goes to XH's that day also. We each get DS for "our" holiday (mother's day/father's day) and the rest is just who ever has him, spends it with him.
We get along pretty well so we can modify things as needed (extra time here or there or changing days). We didn't specifically say anything in our paperwork about "right of first refusal" but we typically check with each other first.
We also agreed to get together as a "family" (XH, his kids, me, and mine) every year for DS's "anniversary" (the day that XH adopted him) so he continues to feel special and know that all of his family loves him!
Do you have anything about traveling or moving in your paperwork? Might be something to consider.
Thanks everyone!
XH has the boys 11 nights per month. It changes monthly, as we make the schedule 1-2 months in advance. Holidays we alternate but he always has them on Fathers day and I always have them on Mothers day.
We felt that too much back/forth during the week is too much, so we clump the days together. This works extremely well for us.
We coparent very well, and we are amicable!
My XH and I are on good terms and we split parenting time 50/50. I have DS 4 nights a week and he has him the other 3. For holidays, we wrote down the holidays that matter to us: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, and split those up.
We are alternating Halloween, Thanksgiving, and his birthday. I have him Mothers Day and on Christmas Eve to 1pm Christmas Day. XH has him Fathers Day and from 1pm Christmas day to the end of the following day.
This set up has worked out for us so far.
My kids are 2 & 4.
Intially he had them Tuesday 7AM-Wendsday 5:30PM and EOW starting at 8AM on Saturday till 5PM on Sunday. I got burnt out after a year because that really only meant I got one night (Saturday) to myself, as I typically worked late during the week.
Just recently we changed so he picks them up from daycare on Fridays and keeps them till Sunday at 4PM.
I set it up the way I did orginally so I could see them every day and I'm happy I did because I couldn't have been without them. But a year later, although I start to miss them on Saturday afternoon, it is given me the change to have a little more personal time and start to build a life.
Holidays we have a set schedule that rotates, but like other posters there are holidays which mean more to each of us, so we swap around. But we always have the agreement to refer to.
Birthdays we usually share and celebrate together.
Vacations aren't really an issue now because of their age.
I would absolutely ask for the first right to care - I wish I had, although after an inital hiccup its been fine.
My ex and I have found a good place with coparenting - which means being flexible and accomadating to the other.