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Update: Immature Husband
Well after I read through all of the comments, weeded past all the negative "get divorced and shut up" ones, alot of what you ladies said helped.
1. Had a sit down with him, calm and rationally said today was the straw that broke the camel's back. You have to learn you have just as much responsibility in this house as me and we need to figure out how to make it work for the both of us.
2. He agreed he needed to pitch in more, and he would be willing to get counseling to help us learn how to approach and fix the issues. I called and got us Marriage/Family counseling set up for next Tuesday night. Got a counselor who will allow our tot to come too bc childcare has always kept me from doing this.
3. Left him and our toddler alone for the evening, left a short list of chores to do in the house and I went and did some things for myself (which I never previously had time for)
4. Things are already MUCH better already.
Re: Update: Immature Husband
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
This is what I thought.
It's great that you had the conversation OP and are trying to resolve your problems but one day is not really indicative of long-term, meaningful change or long enough to resolve problems of that magnitude.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
It's a good start. I'm glad to hear that he seems to have heard you and is making a few steps in the right direction.
But as basically said - the proof is in the pudding. Don't hold your breath yet. A lifetime of behavior doesn't literally change in a day.
I wish you luck and hope that this is the start of some real change in your marriage and w/ your DH.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm glad that yesterday went well. It all has to start somewhere.
Now, I'm going to tell you some not-so-great things.
My DH and I are really good at this cycle thing. Just ask the imoan. She'll tell you.
So I get pissed, chew DH's azz, and things change. Then, slowly, I start taking on more and more responsibility because LOOK! HE REALLY CARES! HE CHANGED A DIAPER WITHOUT BEING ASKED! Then my DH starts doing less and less again, until at the end, I am shouldered with all of the life burdens again. Then I come to TIP, the ladies tell me to get divorced and it starts all over again.
What I very much urge you to do is to be mindful of this. Know what your comfort level is with the situation. Are you happy if he just does the garbage? Are you happy with time away from LO? Be mindful of this, and don't push your breaking point. Keep this conversation going, keep going to counseling and keep working at this. Last night was part of a process, not a solution.
Anyway, good luck. Keep us updated.
Ditto PPs. It's easy to go on a diet right after the holidays and work your butt off at the gym for a few weeks to lose the 5 pounds you gained. It's a lot harder to change your lifestyle to incorporate exercise and eating healthy into your every day life as part of your routine.
Big changes do not happen overnight and lifetime behaviors do not change overnight. While it's good you see progress, I'd say you need a lot more actions and proof in the coming weeks, months to ensure his behavior is changing and be willing to continue this dialogue that you have started with him.
Come back and update us in 6 months. At that point you can be smug. One day proves nothing.
I'm glad to see that you're making your own changes to this situation. This wasn't just him acting immature.
One night of positvie and you are saying things are MUCH better already? wow
I agree come back in 6 months and give us an update THEN about how he has been consistant for that long and then we will all high five you.
The much more common scenario is this will last 2-3 weeks ,,,,,maybe if you are lucky and things will slowly go back to the way they were for the past years.
Same for counseling...a lot of guys agree until they go 2-3 times and get tired of hearing the truth.
While I agree that big changes dont happen overnight if you actually can get him to stick with couples therapy then you have a good chance of making it work. Most of these ladies are correct it is a cycle. I did it with my ex for years but you are ahead of where I was. He refused to go to therapy. Op I read some of your other posts on TB and I am so sorry. Maybe some of this is bothering you more because of what you and dh are going through. Keep us updated.