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Help! I need friends.
Hi Everyone!
I moved to Perth nearly 9 months ago but am struggling to find friends. I know I haven't made my "best" effort at it but I am finding it hard to even know where to start. I have a great job but it's a small company and only one other lady works there- she's wonderful but already quite established here with friends and 15 years older than me. I joined the American Women's Club as well but 95% of the events are during the day, which is impossible if you work full-time as I do. I will keep looking into their events though, as I am still pretty interested in being a part of it.
My husband currently attends Uni here but doesn't have any married friends (or ones that will even consider settling down anytime soon for that matter!) so I couldn't really count on him to guide me along. Plus, he's only moved over here 4 years ago from Botswana and has found the same issues as I have when it comes to making friends.
Any feedback or advice in what you might have done to break into social circles would be much appreciated. Or if you can simply say that you can relate in the struggle so that I don't feel like I'm the only lonely nestie out there...
Thanks 
Re: Help! I need friends.
Really, you have to step out of the mindset of needing to hang out only with mature, adult couples.
DBF & I are pushing 30 and did masters degrees last year. Our friends were mainly 22 to 25 year old wild, single people. It really helped that we were happy with that "wild single" lifestyle, because if we wanted to stick exclusively with mature couples our own age we would've been SOL in the friend department.
Your H being in school is really invaluable in the friend making department. After school the friend making time of life doesn't seem to really happen much.
Have you tried meetup.com?
If you like wine, maybe join a wine tasting club, after a few glasses, it's easier to talk to people.
I've recently joined internations.org and attended a few events, so far I've met a few potential friends.
Good luck!
I'm sorry you're struggling with this. If it can be of any consolation, I moved to NYC years ago and never made any real "friends". Friendship the way I know it isn't available here, so I've made peace with the fact that I'm only going to have beautiful acquaintances. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate this state of affairs as my relationship are almost all through my work in the theatre and that's really what I want most. What I mean is that there might be a cultural aspect getting in the way so you only need to figure out what the dynamic of things is and go with it. With time, everything will fall into place.
One think you can do proactively is to follow your interests as you would anywhere. If you like to dance, for instance, you could take fun folk dance classes (or something) twice a week or so... that's bound to get you close to other individuals! I agree you shouldn't limit your search to couples your same age. Having more than one group or kind of people to hang out with has its upsides. Diversity always has its upsides.
I understand it's a little more difficult when one works full time and the work environment isn't exactly "varied", so you need to be the one to reach out to others by finding the time outside of work to join groups and do activities. It will be fun!
edited for better wording
This! When I wanted to try to meet new people, I joined a craft group and a book club. It was a great way to expand my social circle and to enjoy some of my hobbies. Plus, I already knew that I had some common ground with the people I was meeting.
Also, you can always start your own! Especially with book clubs, there's usually a lot more interest than you'd expect! When someone here first proposed the idea, there was so much interest that we ended up creating two groups up front!
This is great advice!
I too joined the AWA when we got here and it was the same situation! So I started going to Zumba, which I love to do, and I've made so many new friends from it! It's really helped to expand my network of friends.
Hang in there!
Dave & Jennifer 10.18.08
My Doha Adventures
I agree with just keep trying!! When I moved to London it took me a good year to make a few friends. I have just moved again recently (within Sydney - 3 months ago) and I'm still trying out new groups to try and meet people. You just can't give up - join up to anything you're interested in & eventually you will meet someone you have stuff in common with! Its tough though for sure, I certainly know how it goes!!
I'm so glad to hear that, I remember you were going to join one and I was hoping it would work out for you.
I totally agree about going outside your comfort zone. TBH, most of our friends we've made through DH's work, particularly at the beginning. They're all academics and PhD students, which is really different than I was used to - I barely got my bachelor's degree so was super intimidated at first. But once you meet a few people, it all gets easier really quickly.
I would just pick something you like to do and go with it and try and push yourself to be brave. It took me a while, but now I have my own circle of friends who I met through different people and clicked with - my best friend here is the cousin of the ex-girlfriend of a guy my husband used to play football with here. She is Canadian and was travelling around Europe for a summer, we met here and hit it off, kept in touch and she ended up moving to Edinburgh. You'll be surprised where you find friends when you least expect it.
Good luck!
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
as expats I think we have all gone through this - and that's why long ago this board coined the term 'PFTs'
Potential Friend Targets
Thanks Pitt! You're a sweetie to remember.
Like Jenny mentioned, classes are another great option! Especially in an English-speaking country! And potentially easier to track down than clubs or interest groups.
Until I sprained my ankle, I was all set to take an adult figure-skating class at the local rink. It's something I've always wanted to do, and when I went to my free trial session, the other women in the class seemed so nice! I was going to have a go at it even though I don't speak much Norwegian, because I really wanted to learn, and I thought it might be a chance to meet a few more locals.
I completely agree with this as a 31 year old with no kids. We did a year in Quebec and I met all my friends who ranged from 18 - 49 and spanned across a bunch of different countries in my French language school. It was the most fun friend circles I've ever been apart of. Is there a newcommer's group or something? I think maybe you should try to take a class - photography, language, anything where you'll be with people.
Try to make yourself busy as possible and find people who are also relatively new to the area. Also, my dad always told me "you have to be a friend to make a friend." I am really shy but I started just opening up and inviting people to things. I don't even care anymore if they want to be my friend - I am like, you want to hang out?