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College Graduation on Mother's Day
My husband and I live about 20 minutes from his entire family and the town he was born and lived in till we moved when we were married 4 years ago. We see his family for every occasion, holiday and a weekly dinner. His cousin even lives in our neighborhood.
My family -aside from mom and dad- live in New England about a 7 hour car ride. We only see each other 1 or 2 times each year.
My cousin- I have 2 first cousins I am very close to- is graduating college on Mother's Day. In Massachuesetts. We are planning to attend for the weekend and come home Sunday night for work on Monday.
Last night my MIL flipped out when she found out we would not be around for Mother's Day. I asked her if she wanted to go out the weekend before or after for a lunch and shopping. She was furious. saying she would never go anywhere with me. I am ruining her family.
We tried to explain to her the situation but she called us selffish and cried. my FIL then yelled at us. Saying we don't care about the family.
Sigh...
any advice?
Re: College Graduation on Mother's Day
Honestly, I really wouldn't feed into this all that much. And let your DH handle it from here on out. She's being absolutely ridiculous and you just need to back away from it.
From this point forward, if it comes up, your DH just needs to say "I know you're upset, but we've given you other options". Let her piss and moan and be mad. Don't feed into it. Don't "explain" anymore. She says "I don't want to do ANYTHING!", your DHjust needs to say "O.k mom, that's your choice." and let it go.
Seriously - I just wouldn't entertain this anymore than necessary.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
MIL sounds like a nut. You made a very kind offer to take her out, and she chose to act like a baby rather than accept your kindness. You're showing her love regardless of a calendar date, and she's just being selfish.
Your H just needs to say, "Sorry you feel that way, Mom. Cnderella made a very nice offer to you and you were incredibly rude to her, which was completely uncalled for. You need to apologize to her."
If she won't, then just ignore her. I can understand if Mother's Day means a lot to her, but it's not like you and your H forgot her. You told her, IN ADVANCE, that that particular date doesn't work for her and you offered an alternative. That was more than generous of you, and besides it's not like she ever sees you. She treated you very rudely. Don't take their crap.
Just say, "Well, sorry you feel that way," and then ignore her. She can either be appreciative and enjoy time with a caring son and DIL, or she can throw a tantrum and get nothing. If she's going to act like a toddler, treat her like one. She throws tantrums because she's used to getting her way. It's not rude to be polite but firm in showing her that she can't always get her way or have total control of your time. She will get used to it in time.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
SWEET! You dont have to do Mother's Day EVER again with her!!!
Can I just hijack this thread and ask "Why in the world does anyone schedule things for Mother's Day weekend?"
Last year my SD's church scheduled First Communion for Mother's Day weekend. It makes it hard when godmothers and other female family members who will have to travel for these events and who want to be home with their own families for Mother's Day - not traveling in a car!
It's a Hallmak Holiday, completely made up and not revered by everyone in the same regard. I do the a communion/graduation is way more important
There are other events that really are more important. I dont' feel it's a holiday that must be avoided at all costs.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This is my feeling also, it's not Thanksgiving. And, your MIL
obviously doesn't care if you get to see your mother. EF her.
You should be thanking your lucky stars! No more things to do with MIL.
It's not as if you planned a vacation and purposefully chose to be away for Mother's Day. The college planned that day!
Let your H handle her.
My family has started celebrating Mother's Day AT LEAST a day early, if not the weekend before, b/c it helps to coordinate everyone's schedules, plus brunch is not as crowded!!!
I agree with the above. But my MIL is like OP's.
The Mothers day after we got engaged MIL planned a huge dinner with the immediate family (MIL, FIL, SIL and her H and daughter, BIL and DH and I). They planned the dinner for 5 pm. We showed up at 4:30 and hung out with everyone except MIL and SIL, they had gone out shopping for the afternoon, after all it was "their" day. We waited until 6:30 and MIL and SIL still hadn't shown up. But of course we couldn't eat until they arrived. I was normally in bed by 8 because I started work at 4:30am.
I have a medical condition that means that I can not eat a minimum of 1 hr before I lay down. So Dh and I left and went and grabbed some fast food and went home.
MIL called me at 9pm, after they finished eating dinner. (they didn't get there until 7:30.) I didn't answer as my phone was off. She left me 4 messages about how I took away her son from her on the only day of the year that was important to her!
I only listened to one message and deleted the rest of them. DH and his mother had a long talk about boundries and were he and I stood on them.
She never bothers us on holidays again. She just asks what our plans are and leaves it at that.
Honestly, we basically tell DH's parents what we are available for and that's it. We tell them our plans and whatever. Your MIL is trying to guilt you and if it works, she will do it everytime she can.
Your DH needs to draw the line...and hold it...
And by the way... my IL's say to our faces that "it doesn't matter since you guys do whatever the F*ck you want anyways!" And I don't let that bother me at all... you know since we are independent adults and everything, I should be able to do what I want.
Then don't travel.
I say, 'meh, it's just another day.' That's the way it is with all 'days' around here. I am very grateful that both of our families are thrilled to just be able to get together. Who cares what the date on the calendar says?
Your cousin won't graduate from college every single year, and last time I looked at the calendar, there is a Mother's Day each and every year.
My kids know that their birthday is just another day, and when we can get together with family/friends for their birthday, they are happy to have that!
Our local high school is having graduation on Mother's Day this year. I am sure there are some unhappy senior moms, but they will get over it.
You've given a few options, and like others have posted, let your dh handle his mom.
Good luck to you.