Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My Mother just disowned me... LONG
Background: I posted a while back about my Mom having a meltdown the day I got married, the day after which my stepdad called me to ask me to tell her that she was okay in my book. I'd been very, very sick for almost a year (awful!) and hadn't talked to her as much as usual, and apparently she took this as me pushing her away. (According to her, causing a nervous breakdown) She hadn't communicated this with me, and I told my stepdad that she needed to contact me herself if she wanted to talk or had a problem.
Current: I finally got to where I thought I should contact her, and discuss how I felt and hear how she felt. I communicated this over a voicemail and two emails. She finally replies to my last email that she sees how things are, and that I had "kicked her to the curb" because I had not answered all of her calls in 2011. There was also a strange incident with a rental car during which apparently I didn't help her enough. (?) Also, she said that all she knew about my wedding was that my father was involved - this was not true, as we eloped and NO ONE but a photographer and officiant were there.
Then she says that they've already visited a lawyer to change their wills and trust, etc. I have a down syndrome sister, whose care was entrusted to me if something were to happen to them. She said they were changing that so that I would be "free." Now, I only got married in December, and talked with them about a week before the elopement. I had not heard a peep from her since then, during which time she apparently decided that she was done with me.
I replied to her email concisely and unemotionally, spelling out: Lie #1: My father was not at my elopement. Lie #2: I did not screen your calls, I was very ill. It's too bad you didn't ask about it rather than assume it was all about you. Lie #3: I helped you find a rental car. Additionally, your down syndrome daughter is not a pawn to demean my character and willingness to assure her well being.
I'm starting to get my head around it all. I go between being okay with it because she's so nuts (and had been really, really mean to me as a child) and then being really astonished and angry that someone could do this to their own daughter. 
Re: My Mother just disowned me... LONG
Has she got emotional or mental problems? Sounds to me like she has either or both.
She's embroiling you in her problems. I don't know if she's mentally unstable or if it's a severe reaction to the empty nest syndrome or if she thinks your sister will wind up with having nowhere to go --- at any rate, her reaction is uncalled for and way out of line.
How challenged is your sister? is she relatively functional or is it more severe than that? What is her status right now, age, etc?
There are group homes and other resources available.
It also sounds to me like she expected you to stay single forever and be there to take care of her and your sister as well. (I can identify with this; this nutty stuff happened in our home when we were growing up, all the way down to the "I will disown you" bullshit) If this gets any nuttier, I would not blame you if you discontinued contact with her for good.
I think she has emotional and mental problems - I'm trying to remember that so as not to take it all personally, hurtful as it may be.
My sister can not live on her own, and can not hold a job or anything like that. She can dress herself, shower, etc. on her own though. I spoke to my Mom about group homes, and her response was "but I don't want her to move out." So, it's all about what my Mom wants. I'm aware that there are group homes for people of all ability levels, but apparently that discussion was perceived by them as me being unwilling to take care of her. She is 26 and goes to a center for handicapped adults each day during the week.
See a social worker for your sis' dilemma --- maybe she can be retested and get a re-evaluation.
Having a relative with a health or mental issue and being a primary caretaker is exhausting emotionally. It's taxing --- and your sis needs to be with people of her own age and she still needs a social life of sorts.
She needs somewhere positive to go each day and positive things to do daily.
I am guessing your mother is still looking for more or less somebody to coddle; she wants all of you stuck in some sort of bizarre time capsule where you're still kiddoes that need a mother's constant care.
Is your bio dad in the picture? What has he got to say about this?
I work in a group home for intellectually disabled adults, and my favorite client has Downs Syndrome! While some clients are here for sad reasons, most of the younger clients I have worked with in the past are here because they like being with people who understand them and are their age. A major part of my job description is making sure weekends here are fun. We go to museums, the zoo, parks, Super Bowl parties, etc. Maybe your mom should meet with someone to discuss this for your sister's sake. She probably thinks of group homes as heartless institutions.
I am in therapy to deal with ALL of it.
She is completely not open to even discussing the possibility of my sister going into a group home... this is part of what made her change the will.
I don't want to be the bearer of possible bad news, but I am hoping she doesn't use your sis for emotional black mail purporses or use her as a pawn or middleman. That would suck.
I don't think she's going to change her will. I think she's just acting like a baby because she didn't get what she wanted from you every single time she wanted it. You didn't answer the phone? How dare you! You get married and it wasn't all about her being the mother of the bride? Who do you think you are!!
I think she's just being a drama queen and hoping you'll come running back begging for her forgiveness.
I think that's what's happening... ugh.
My bio dad and she have been divorced for 29 years, she's actually my half sister. My stepdad is her father, and still married to my mom...
Definitely very possible. :-/