Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How to deal with family/friends pressuring us to have kids
It's really bothering me and embarrassing when my friends and family make comments about my husband and I having children soon and that's not really what we want right now. We have only been married 5 months and everyone is already like "I know you're pregnant!" or "I can't wait to see you all's baby" and asking baby names and how we are going to change our career schedule to suit the needs of our child. ummmm... I am unaware that I am even expecting! I really don't know what to say so I just go along with it or laugh it off and try to change the subject. We just want to enjoy each other, maybe get a pet in the future but babies are not in our near future plans.
Re: How to deal with family/friends pressuring us to have kids
How do you not know what to say?
"We don't plan on starting a family for a few years. We'll let you know when I'm pregnant. Thanks."
That should suffice, no?
Crap...I Mean Crafts
I used to just keep a beer in my hand at all times during family functions so it was clear I was not pregnant. If you really want them to stop asking, don't laugh it off. That could be interpreted as trying to be coy. Look them in the eye and say, "Not any time soon, and I wish people would stop asking about it."
If someone calls you selfish, I would say, "It's pretty selfish for you to want someone else to have a child just so you can play with a baby at family parties. There are plenty of kids out there that need adopting if you want one so bad."
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
THIS.
Some people just don't understand that people marry because they love EACH OTHER, not because they immediately want to pop out babies. I would say something along the lines of wanting time to just be husband and wife before you become parents. Whatever you say, be firm. When people call you selfish, walk away and find someone else to talk to. If they pursue it, leave. You do not have to deal with this sort of disrespect.
I hear you.
As soon as I got back from my honeymoon I had a cousin who was so excited for me to get pregnant asap. H and I are very firm and told family & friends we're waiting until we've been married 4-5 years. Our plans will not change to suit them.
Just keep taking your pills and eventually they will figure out that you aren't wearing maternity clothes. It's annoying, yes. But at the end of the day, it's just annoying and you and DH hold all the power over that decision. I couldn't believe how much pressure we got, especially give that we were so young and DH was still in school when we got married. I had so many conversations that went like this:
Them: blah, blah, blah, you're going to have babies any day now.
Me: No, we're going to wait for DH to finish school, and then maybe wait a few years beyond that, since we are very happy just enjoying being married at this point.
Them: You can't always plan these things you know.
And then they'd give me this condescending smile that seemed to say, "don't worry, I know more about your private life than you do."
So I'd respond with my own condescending smile, with which I would attempt to say, "Those of us who haven't been living under a rock have the technology to make our own reproductive decisions, thank you very much." because I knew that if I opened my mouth again, I'd burn bridges.
On the bright side, after almost 7 years of marriage, we don't get many of these questions any more. At this point, anyone with two brain cells to rub together has figured out that either (a) we really don't want kids yet, or (b) we can't have them. And in either case, they don't get a vote.
So when are you due?
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
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