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SER how do you not talk? long
I'll admit to being a pretty good liar. ?But I don't do it when I don't feel should have to lie. ?For intsance, if someone asks me if I go to church, I see no reason I shouldn't say no, and if I feel they were rude in asking in the first place, I scare them by saying I'm an atheist. ?Let the pearl clutching begin!
This changes with my family. ?My parents don't want me to mention anything about my religion (lack of) or politics to my grandparents whom I am going to visit tomorrow. ?I love them to death, so I don't purposefully engage them where we disagree. ?Some of my views hurt them, so we just avoid certain topics. ?We have plenty other things to talk about. ?
But, apparently, gramma is now incredibly anxious about the country. ?They didn't watch the news right before the election, and she's worried about the economy (they'll be fine; the worry has no basis in reality). ?So I have been warned not to say anything that could upset anyone. ?Tall order!
The problem is, my grandpa loves to engage people. ?He used to be a debater, now he's just crotchety. ?In repsonse to a direct question, I'm not going to lie. ?I won't say I voted for McCain. ?I won't agree with whatever fear mongering statement he's making. ?He loves to cut WSJ articles that bash feminism and have me read them. ?I don't usually take the bait, but I will respond to questions and fallacies.?
A few years ago, we were talking about some issue. ?Grandpa reads a lot of news, and he brought up the topic, I happened to mention something I knew about it, and what the ACLU was doing in response, you know, general conversation. ?This set my grandpa off. ?My dad and I couldn't figure out what caused the rant until I later realiezd that it was simply saying ACLU. ?My dad, who's also conservative, couldn't even remember what the rant was about b/c to him, it came out of nowhere. ?I'd said nothing that caused his hackles to rise. ?This is the type of minefield, plus new gramma anxiety, that I'm walking into.
So, what do I do? ?Do I flat out lie? ?I'm pretty good at sidestepping (like I said I saw Obama, and when gramma disgustedly asked why, I answered that it was exciting to be a part of the political process, to see and hear someone who might be the next president. ?That seemed to mollify her). ?But direct questions catch me. ?I have no idea what topics I should even avoid. ? What would you do? ?Just say I won't discuss this? ?We've always discussed everything. ?Gramma was my mom's replacement when she was sick and died. ?What are potential topics that I can't even think of that would piss them off? ?I feel like at my age I shouldn't have to be a different person around my family. ?Consideration of course is important, but I shouldn't have to lie. ?I'm kind of pissed about it actually, but my love for them means I know I'll do whatever I have to do. ?For the most part. ?Including going to church.
Re: SER how do you not talk? long
change the subject, change the subject, change the subject. make a freakin list of topics before you go see them if you have to.
My mom is psychotically anti a bunch of things I am for and visa versa. Its easy for me to comment on something from her "point of view" thats kinda neutral at the same time. its like quasi changing the subject - or maybe its just diffusing. So say my mom says something about Obama= muslim, I would say "did you hear about that doll who suppoedly says something about islam?" and then we could segway into how people feel like they can't celebrate Christmas in public anymore.
Can you have a non-news tv channel on? I've found that sparks non-opinionated convos - sports, tv shows, movies, celebrities - Brad and Angelina are always good to b!tch about. and britney. or, just ask them how thing are going in their community and get them into rambling about that instead.
oh - and animals. do they have a bird feeder or squirrels pissing them off?? people can talk about random animals around their house all freakin day.
This has become my strategy at almost all family events. Last time there was a big gathering at the ILs, I drank my Maker's Mark from a coffee cup so that nobody had to know I was drinking the whole time.
So, you guys have met my family? ?Drinks are given to you at the door. ?And pushed on you throughout the evening. ?Drinks are not a problem with my 50s housewife gramma!
It should be fine once the rest of the family gets there. ?I'll be coming in a couple days before everyone else, so I won't be able to hide from direct interrogation. ?I will be staying at my parents' empty house until they get there at the end of the week (they're doing Tgiving with my mom's parents elsewhere), so at least I'll have a refuge.?
cars! you can talk about cars too.
I am a total mollifier, but I also find it difficult to lie to a direct question. My strategies are laughter and common ground. Probably the best example was when my MIL out of nowhere one day asked if Mr.P and I were Republicans, with a tone like, "do you guys go to the movies much?" I averted my eyes, and Mr.P said, "well, one of us is" and it totally cracked her up, so that helped. Then I told her I wasn't a fan of HRC (this was during the primaries), so that was something we could commiserate on.
But she wasn't coming at me in a combative way at all. I almost think your grandparents deserve a combative answer if that's the way they're going to approach you, but that's not going to solve anything. If you can come up with a joke, or with some piece of their argument that you do agree with, you may be able to use that to side step. Good luck.
Toys will start a rant about the Chinese. ?Cars will start a rant about the bailout (actually, I already got that one without even bringing it up) and jobs going overseas.
Seriously, even the weather might be a bad topic. ?I've heard rants on climate change. ?I'll just talk about my love for my husband and our desire to have a happy little family. ?I won't mention that by family I mean dogs not children. ?I think that's safe.?
This is a tough one! I'm very sorry! I have no advice.
My grandmother is a Democrat, but she holds some less informed beliefs. For instance, I went over one day recently and she was watching a show on Nostradamus. She asked me what I thought about it, and I said I thought it was complete crap. I expounded a bit on this, and she tried to counter with "Hister!" Eff that. I'm not buying your crazy today.
I have a reputation, though.
So anything will start a rant, right? Or could start a rant? Not much you can do about that. Don't know how you feel about going to freshen up your drink when he starts in on one.
Is it possible to just ignore? Let him rant on and then when he's done ask a topic changing question. Kinda like when a child is having a tantrum.
If they ask you a direct question you can respond, "Oh grandma, why do you even bring that up when you know you'll just get feisty?" or answer with "Oh let's not talk about politics, what about _____ ?"
Examples:
Q: Do you go to church?
A: I go when I can. I love all of the Christmas decorations this time of year. I wanted to buy some new decorations this year, but decided I couldn't justify it. I love your decorations though. Where did you buy these?
Q: When are you going to have kids?
A: Not in the next 9 months. But speaking of kids, I took my younger cousins to see this really cute movie the other day...
Q: How do you feel about Obama being President?
A: He was elected, so what can you do? Can you please pass the butter?
Wow, you're good. These are great!
Answer a question with a question. I used this tactic with MIL. For example:
Q- You aren't voting Obama, are you?
A- I actually thought about voting 3rd party, what do you think about Bob Barr?
It worked for a while.
If you hope for inheritance money, be nice.
If not, be honest. ?;)?
Needless to say I have procured 8 bottles of wine, 2 bottles of champagne, whiskey, gin, and port for a Thanksgiving dinner involving 11 people.