Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Mama drama again... so long
Last time on BMW's Mom Has Lost It... Mom lost a ton of weight, bought a ridiculous sports car, broke up with boyfriend of 14 yrs, got back together, 2 months later announced she was marrying said boyfriend and then drives BMW insane over planning the wedding.
The wedding was to take place in AC next month. She drove me INSANE. MD I was going to ask you to design invites but I am so so glad that I didn't waste your time. She told me late Feb at our bull roast that she called off the wedding. Which she had been threatening to do every other week since she said yes. The reasons she cancelled the wedding I don't disagree with but they are problems that have always been in that relationship. Mainly it has to do with the 2 different cultures and an overbearing future MIL. She tells me that the wedding is off but the relationship hasn't changed. They are just going to keep things the way they are. For story telling sake I'm going to refer to him as SD (step dad, b/c that's what I've always considered the guy).
Fast forward to early last week. She posted a few things on FB that made me suspicious that she had been out on some dates. Then she posted pictures of 2 different flower arrangements being sent to her at work. SD isn't on FB. She calls me a day or so late to tell me that she has a "rich stalker". She tells me this ridiculous story about how she met some random guy at a bar who claimed to be rich and in love with her. He tracked her down at work and sent her a dozen of roses. When she told him she wasn't impressed he sent her a second arrangement that day. She told me she just didn't know what to make of this guy. It seemed like he was too good to be true but she was intrigued. I asked her if she googled him or looked up his criminal record she said no. So I got his name from her and the name of the company he supposedly owned. I found out his name, birth date, address, driving/criminal record, and business profile. I relay this info to her but told her to stay away from him something isn't right.
On Friday B and I head to the beach for St. Patrick's day, my brother was staying out our house to watch the furbabies. Saturday night around 9pm my brother calls me and ask if I've talked to mom. He sounded frantic so I asked what was going on. Apparently on Friday night SD drove down from NY (where he lives) and showed up at the bar my mom was at watching her brother's band play with another guy. They got into a fight and left. My brother stops buy my moms house before going back to mine and finds a vase smashed in the kitchen, dresser drawers ripped open and the jewelry emptied out. So he thinks they've been robbed. He calls my mom and she says that her and SD broke up. He took all his clothes and all the jewelry he ever gave her and took off. She is too upset to stay at the house so she went to a "friends" and she ask my brother to stay there that night in case SD shows back up. So instead of going back to my house he stayed there.
The next day she comes home ask him to change the locks on the house, and then takes off again. He changes the locks and tries to call her to see what she wanted him to do with the new keys. He gets no answer. He waits a few hours and try's again... no answer. So finally he calls me. I'm pissed. I tell him to either leave the new keys in her spare car and let her figure it out or lock her out for the night and that's what she deserves. He is worried though b/c he has no idea if she is planning on coming home to her 2 dogs. He also breaks down and tells me that he think she has gone off the deep end. That she drinks entirely too much for someone who has had gastric bypass surgery and that he is worried that she is going to get a DUI or worse. I told him I've had the same concerns but didn't feel like I was in the place to say anything at all since I am not drinking at all anymore. He was worried b/c it was St Patty's night and she was out in the damn corvette. I told him to go to my house and take my dog back to mom's house and I would try to get in touch with her.
I called her 101 times and got no answer. I figure she is out at some club and can't hear her phone over the music. I decided to see if I can figure out who she is with. I called a couple of our mutual friends and they weren't with her and had no idea what her plans were. I call her some more no answer. Then I look on her FB account and realize that the cryptic message I didn't understand earlier makes perfect sense now. She was out with that rich stalker. I eventually fall asleep with my phone in my hand waiting for her to finally call me back.
I wake up the next morning and still she hasn't returned my call. I'm livid and scared at this point. I call my brother and he hasn't heard from her either. He said that he had already went to the local police station to see if she was arrested and he called the area hospitals. I asked when the last time he talked to her was and he said 2pm the previous day. Then I tell him where I think she is and he agreed with him. I call her again and no answer. My brother calls me back and says that at 2pm if he hasn't heard from her he was filing a missing persons report. I told him that I had some info on the guy if it came to that. So I then send out a message to ALL of her FB friends asking if they had been out with my mom and to tell her to get in touch with us.
Meanwhile B wakes up out guest at the beach and tells them we have to clean up early b/c I need to get him. As we are loading the car to come home B brings me my phone and says that it my mom. I lost it and went off on her. She act all innocent and says that she was out with M (rich guys) and had lost her phone. That she just found it this morning (uh huh sure) and that she had left my brother a VM from that guys phone saying where she was. I tell her that I can't talk to her I'm so mad and for her to call my brother. I hang up and about 5 mins later she calls me back and ignored the call. She left me a VM saying that she spoke to my brother and that she did leave him a VM and she was sorry that she worried us but that we over reacted. I call my brother and he says that she absolutely did not leave him a VM, that he had no missed calls or text messages from any unknown numbers.
REALLY?!?! She called me back a second time to lie to me again. She isn't that clever and I'm not an idiot. I don't believe her for one minute. I don't believe that she lost her phone and I don't believe she tried to call my brother. I was at the ATT store when she bought him a new iphone and she couldn't even remember his phone number to look up his account.
Then my phone starts blowing up. I got 9 text from SD. The very last message said oops those messages where meant for your mom not you. I don't believe that either. He wanted me to see them so I knew exactly whats going on. Guess what, its worse then what my brother knows. No she isn't seeing some rich stalker she is sleeping with one of his superiors in the guard who is also one of his co-workers at his other job!! She told my SD that she had been seeing this guy the entire time my brother was deployed. My brother knew she was interested in him but begged her to stay away from the guy. I don't think he has any idea and I don't want to be the one to tell him. I haven't talked to her since Sunday. I ignored her text on wed and only acknowledged yesterdays text to tell her that her order hadn't come in yet from my party.
I don't even know where to start with her. All I want to do is pick up the phone and scream at her. She did this exact same *** to my father with SD 14 yrs ago. My brother was just too little at the time to see the parallels now. My brother wants us to sit down and have a talk about her drinking. I agree that it needs to be addressed but I don't know how or what to say. I've been on the verge of tears all week. She is being so effing stupid. Who needs kids when I have a mother going through a midlife crisis!? I didn't give her this much trouble when I was a teen.
OMG if you made it through this you are a saint.
Re: Mama drama again... so long
Wow, I'm not even sure what to say.
I'm not sure what good having a talk about her drinking will do. She obviously isn't taking anything you guys say to heart, if she's messing with a guy your brother specifically asked her to stay away from.
My mom went through her own sort of crisis a few years ago. While I didn't like her choices I knew she was an adult so there wasn't much I could say to her. I was very thankful to be 2 hours away so I wasn't in the middle. I just felt bad for my little sister who still lived at home.
You can try saying something to her, but don't get your hopes up. Parents just don't seem to take advice from their kids well, in my experience at least.
My Profile
I agree with this word for word.
Holy cow, that's a lot to deal with. I hope it all calms down for everyone involved ASAP!
Oh my goodness! You poor things! I don't even know what I would do, I'd probably sit down with her (your brother included) and express your concerns. If she blows you off or lies then I'm not sure what else you can do. Really I don't know what else there is to do because the saying goes: "you can't help people that don't want to be helped" If she truly does't want to make any changes I would certainly consider distancing myself to give her some space
Sending good thoughts your way! I'm sorry your dealing with all this
goodness that got messy towards the end (not your typing but the craziness that was unfolding)
I had a mother who was off the deep end pretty much my entire childhood growing up but it got worse as I became a teen and I learned very quickly that she was too selfish to see what she was doing and wanted things her way...still does and that's why sheh as nothing and lost anything good she had and still has benders.
With that said since you are fairly close with her and you and your brother care I would see if she brings it up but honestly the way she lied to you about the vm to your brother and acted like no biggie I don't think that will be the case and you both will have to sit down and talk about the drinking...if she doesn't want to deal with it then you did what you could unless it becomes really bad where a full on intervention needs to be had.
I feel bad for your brother wanting to transfer to Utah just to get away le sigh