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What questions do you wish you could ask in a job interview?
I have an interview today. I know what kinds of questions I will ask. But what are all the things you wish you could ask but don't. So far, I've got:
Do you have a coffee pot?
Does someone else make it?
Is it good coffee?
Are you a micromanaging assholio?
Why do you have almost no women or minorities working here?
Do you declare Opening Day an office-wide holiday?
Is drinking in the office acceptable? I'm really looking for a Mad Men-esque environment, minus the sexism of course.
Is working in yoga pants frowned upon?
Do your computers freeze up multiple times per day and regularly spaz out around 5pm?
Is anyone here sleeping with his secretary?
Do you give out bonuses or enroll employees in the Jelly of the Month Club?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being a teetotaler and 10 being falling down drunk, just how much will working here make me want to hit the bottle?
Re: What questions do you wish you could ask in a job interview?
On average, how long do employees at my level stay with the company?
Which employees get a free pass because you hang out with them/they've been here for years/you like them better so that I don't waste time being annoyed by the double standard?
How long do I have to work here before I can saunter in late, barely do my job, and generally act like an asshat without getting fired?
What's the best way to make it appear as if I'm working while doing as little as possible?
Click me, click me!
How much time can be on the internet for totally non work related activities?
Is there a certain time of day when the bathroom will smell because there is a very regular employee who goes at the same time everyday?
How many times a month can I skip out early on a Friday with no one noticing?
In Jesus' name we pray, AMEN.
Will my desk be near an obnoxious person/smoker/filthy/loud/smelly coworker?
Do you blog sites such as The Nest, Pinterest, Facebook, Google Reader?
What are your thoughts on the Trayvon Martin case?
May I start with an ergonomic keyboard?
Zuma Zoom
What's your real dress code. Please say "we don't have one" if that's the truth.
When can I take my first vacation day?
What's your maternity leave policy? In detail, please.
What facilities do you have for a lactation room?
How awesome is your break room? How often is free food available in it?
How often do you have workday parties?
What's the maximum days I can telecommute?
How many a-holes are here and what are their names?
Will I have to pretend to swing mydick around in order to get your respect?
Or can I just get by on my intellect and capabilities alone, even though I'm a woman?
also, will anyone celebrate my birthday?
Who has to like me in order for me to get a good rating?
Did the last person quit b/c you drove them to it?
How chintzy are you when it comes to office supplies? Do I get a dispenser, or just a roll of tape? Will you spring for pens that don't bleed?
Do you instruct the janitorial staff to just mix the recycles with the trash and toss all of it?
YES! How about: When I ask for a foot rest, will I actually get one, or will I wind up spending 50 dollars of my own money on it because your cheap ass can't be bothered to care that you have short people working in this office?
Also: If I tell you I need to leave town on Friday for my sister's wedding, will you ask me if I'm going to be in the office on Saturday?
Do you monitor my gmail account if I access it at work?
What's the REAL workweek length like? Please don't tell me it's 35 hours if it's really 70.
Are any of my supervisors going to try and get me fired when I refuse to sleep with them? Will any of them "joke" that I should go sleep with other employees to get things done for our team?
Do you consider interns to be unpaid staff, or students you're trying to train?
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
Follow-up questions: Is the Nest firewalled? Do you foresee firewalling it in the future?
Other questions -
I see that the ad says, "salary is competitive." By that, do you mean, competitive with like jobs in the industry or competitive with McDonalds?
Do people here microwave fish at lunch?
How many different sizes and colors of post it notes are in your supply cabinet right now?
will i get a fuckingstatement of maternity benefits in a timely fashion, or will we have to discuss it as my water breaks all over your cheap conference room chairs?
(#stillhavenomatleave)
Another ditto to this one...
Do the members of your team even like each other? At all?
Explain the office politics. Who really runs the show here and whose best interest do they usually have in mind?
Pantry Raid Blog | Travel blog | My Goodread shelf
Again on a scale of 1 to 10, how much will you hate me if I microwave fish (or curry) at lunch?
Related: Can I get some Pilot or Uniball pens instead of these shittyass Bics?
I like these
Also -
Are you a workaholic with no life outside of this job and no chance of working elsewhere because of your sh!tty personality who feels all people should be like you in order to be a "good" employee?
Do the company rules apply to you or just everybody else?
Will I come to regret taking this job?
Oooh, this one is good. It pretty much encapsulates everything.
I also want to ask: Do you think I'll be able to discontinue the Xanax if I start working here? What about the Prozac?
is your idea of "work-life balance" that if a kid is hospitalized you'll let the parent go and tend to them, but still talk about them behind their back? even for people who don't have kids, i.e., you don't acutally know what "life" means?
how often will i be forced to undergo a technology-related "upgrade" only to have it endlessly slow down my computer while the IT support team talk to me like i'm 5 and pretty much lie and try to use jedi mind tricks on me to convince me that i'm not experiencing ridiculous slowness that causes whole sentences i've typed only to appear 2 minutes later, when i'm sure as shiiit know that i am?
Do I get an office where I can shut the door and take naps and ish like George Constanza?
Will I get a 50 percent raise next year even if my job has essentially not changed, I've only put in minimum effort and I came in every day at 10 a.m. and left at 5 p.m. after taking a long liquid lunch?
Do people with dogs and cats who jump on their counters and eat out of their dishes bring in baked goods and other potluck-ish dishes?
UPDATE. I didn't ask all of these verbatim, but all these topics came up. Yes, that's right, drinking in the office was discussed during my interview! I was told it's not allowed before 3:00. Except during March Madness.
Also, asking if you have to bring your own coffee machine will get you looks of shock and pity.
I like this answer! Good luck!
So after 3:00 is it ok to get Freddy Rumsen drunk?
LOL! I have no intention of ever finding out. I've been really drunk before, but I've never pissed myself!
For us it was 6:00 (yeah, we worked late), unless it was the World Cup.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho