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What's my next move? (long)
Background:
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/64535985.aspx
Cliffsnotes:
H left on Friday, said he still loves me but is done. Won't consider counselling. Said he's not happy (I knew this), didn't want to "try" anymore (he never really tried). Didn't say where he was going or when he'd be back... just "see you later".
Update:
I could tell he'd packed enough for at least the weekend, and figured he'd be back on Sunday since his work stuff/briefcases were still here. My brother came to stay the weekend with me... I got home from the train station (dropping bro off) last night and H's car was in the driveway. I couldn't face him. I backed the car straight out and went out to dinner, by myself.
Got a voicemail from him that said "I guess you're not ready to talk" (um, you told me Friday you had nothing more to say then dicked off), his tone was cold and condescending. Said he'd packed "for a few more days" and to call him when/if I want to.
I made copies of all of our financial stuff on Sunday, income tax info, bank/investments, etc. I know I need to call him and sort out what happens next, but I also know that I can't let him control this situation. Right now, I just don't feel strong enough to deal with it.
I don't want to leave our house - I guess we need to make arrangements for me to buy him out. This is one thing I don't have in order yet... I will need my parents to co-sign on the mortgage (which they will do), but they are overseas until Easter.
I really want to have all of my ducks in a row before I even have to see his face. Does me not calling him, ignoring his message, send a bad signal? I don't want to do anything that will show him how weak and insecure I'm feeling right now... so I feel like if I can avoid him until I have time to sit down with my parents about the mortgage info... I will feel stronger and more prepared.
Any advice? I'm so not ready for this.
ETA: I do have a lawyer lined up but have not been in to see him yet. If I can avoid the expense (for now), I can get some solid advice from my Dad (who just retired from practicing family law).
Re: What's my next move? (long)
It sounds like you're on top of things. You don't need to talk to him until you're ready. Email might be easier than talking in person, plus you'll have a record of what was said.
You might want to try to get in with a counselor.
Thank you. I will definitely be seeing a counselor soon. I'm lucky to have a lot of support from my family and my friends have been amazing these past couple of days.
Seconded! I don't think that not responding is bad, it's totally understandable thtat you need time to process and come to terms with everything. I'd much prefer giving myself time as opposed to talking to him too soon and possibly reacting badly. Good luck!
Thanks ladies, I appreciate it. I'm trying to stay calm and make smart decisions... but my head is a mess right now and I am crushed.
I'm going to try and see a counselor ASAP... I know I'm going to have to face my husband soon and I really need some help preparing for that, emotionally. Ugh. This really sucks.