Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Pre-deployment stress... advice?
So we are around a monthish (yes, I made up that word) from DH heading out for his 1st deployment. Add in the fact that baby girl is due right at the same time and the likelihood of him being home for the delivery is slim to none, our house feels like a ticking time-bomb.
Any advice for how to handle the stress/tension that comes with your SO getting ready to deploy. I'm working hard to make things as less stressful for him, but I am starting to feel like I'm getting lost in all the hustle. I'm letting things go that I normally wouldn't (like him not following our budget...nothing crazy just pulling out extra spending money here and there),trying not to bring up his snappy attitude with me at times. Nothing too destructive or damaging, just things that on any normal day I wouldn't keep my mouth shut about.
I guess I'm asking... do you find it better to keep things as normal as possible (sticking to all routines, etc.) or do you try to make the time right before your SO leaves as stress free as possible for them, even if that means letting things go that your normally wouldn't?
Re: Pre-deployment stress... advice?
You're right. The budget one is the one that is getting to me most. It really is only like pulling out an extra $20 here or grabbing fast food on the way to work, but it adds up. I guess I have just been thinking that he is going to be gone in a month, I shouldn't bother trying to break his bad habits now when we won't have time to work on it and follow through. <---- I realize the bolded sounds like I'm trying to be his mom, but I just can't figure out a different way to phrase it.
I find it best to operate as if it's status quo. If he's being a PITA call him out on it...it's only going to get more stressful once he's overseas...learning to deal with that tension and stress now while you're both under the same roof will pay off.
Do you have someone coming in to help you when you get closer to delivery?
He hasn't been great about sticking to a budget, really ever. It hasn't been that big of a deal (just an annoyance) because we have had the extra cash.
I guess this is all coming from a conversation this morning. I had asked him for a couple days to not use the debit card (we pulled out cash for him for spending money) because I'm trying to balance the checkbook to see where our finance are. He has a few things he wants to buy (plus a trip home we are making next week) before he heads out and I'm trying to make sure all that happens. Well he used it yesterday, I jokingly told him that I was going to take the card away and hide it, then he said he wouldn't use it, and then low and behold this morning he uses it for burger king. I texted him (passive aggressive I know) to tell him that if he was going to keep using his debit card and not help me figure out the money situation, then he could deal with all the bills and budgeting himself. He responded by saying he was having a terrible/stressful day at work and he didn't have time for this. (Definitely not like him to have that attitude with me, so I know that the stress of the impending deployment is getting to him).
I know we have some issues regarding our budget that will take time to figure out... I guess I'm just wondering if that is something that you try and work on right before he is about to leave for 7 months. Talking about money/debt/etc. is never a fun or stress free topic.
It will only get worse after he leaves, even if he's on a remote tiny FOB, people find a way to spend when they're not. H and I both have our own fun money individual accounts. That card and one CC are the only things he took with him. He made the decision that he only wanted a set smallish amount every paycheck moved from joint to his individual account, and that he only wanted it refilled, he didn't want it to pile up. So every pay day, I refill his account to the agreed upon amount, and put the rest towards savings/extra principle on his POV, etc.
Sort of. I have about a week from when DH is flying out to when my due date is. My mom can only take off 2 weeks of work so as soon as I go into labor (or if the doc induces me) she is going to come out. The problem is that it is a 14 hour drive for her to get here so it is possible I could be delivering on my own. We haven't been at our location long and the only friend I have made out here is possibly going on bed rest this week because of issues with her pregnancy. I'm talking to my doctor about inducing me so I can kind of plan out the timing and have my mom already here, but we just have to wait and see what is going on with my progress and what will be best for the baby.
After the babe is here I will have the help, it is just that 1 week before my due date that I'm going to be alone. It is scary but I don't really have any other choice
I'm just trying to make the best of it.
Thanks for all the advice. I'll sit him down and talk with him tonight. I'll probably get him a separate bank account for while he is in country and we can talk about how much we want to allocate for random spending money for him.
Everytime J is about to leave, we blow the budget. Nothing crazy. Mainly just eating out more or splurging on movies or fun time. During deployments, he basically lives on MREs, feild chow and what ever I send him. I don't mind that extra bit of money gone for a month because he won't be spending more than $20 a month period while he's gone. It works out in the end so I don't sweat it too much.
I would sit him down and tell him you understand he has a lot on his mind. I don't care what the hell is going on, I do not allow people to be rude to me. If J starts getting snippy, I call him on it. Deployment is not an excuse for rude behavior. Don't let that slide.
Photo bomb, yeah!