Trouble in Paradise
srs5624
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
UDScoobychick
You suck at helping someone who's being abused (marital rape = sexual abuse).
validilav:
While what he did was most definitely wrong, perhaps you would have had more interest in sex with your H had you not been hooking up with a married guy from AshleyMadison.I cheated on my husband. Yes. Over a year ago, and he never found out about it, because he was in an intensive therapy session for anger management. I've stuck by him but I've had doubts the whole time. I make mistakes. I make big mistakes! Maybe I am a horrible person! Maybe I deserve to be with him, because I cheated last year. Maybe.
Lesson one. Never tell an abused person that they could have avoided their abuse had they done xx better. Dumbass.
Re: UDScoobychick
Thank you.
Way to kick someone when she's down, Scoobychick. Is he allowed to slap her if she doesn't like the way she folds the laundry?
Anytime.
I'm fairly even tempered, but blaming an abuse victim is a sure way to piss me off.
I see she's backpedaling now... but it's too late. She's done her damage.
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
Are you serious???
To be fair, some people (myself included) believe there is no excuse for cheating. No one is holding a gun to her head to stay in the relationship ( that we know of, anyway!)
Noone deserves to be raped, either, but clearly the op doesn't really care since she has no interest in divorce. I mean, what do you say/do at that point?
Eta, just ignore me. It is a bit kicking someone when they are down. But it also seems relevant to the big picture because she knew she was quits with the guy a year ago. It's not relevant to why she was raped though.
I don't think cheating is the right answer either, but it's a reason to be left, not a reason to be abused. She doesn't deserve this, no matter what.
And clearly the OP does care. Otherwise she wouldn't feel the need to post about it. I have a strong feeling that this is not the first time she has been abused. It takes some extreme events to go to what sounds like an inpatient anger management program.
eta- I think maybe you are misreading her not caring. The fact that she does accept what has happened to her so easily also suggests that this abuse is not an isolated event. If you don't know that it is wrong, it seems normal to you.
Its frustrating to watch someone, even if you don't know them, feel like its ok to be *** on. Personal thing I guess. I really hope someone here gets to her though, for reals.
There were times that I said it was fine. But then I really really hated it and I told him never to do it again, I had to be a participant every time. This amped up the constant argument that I don't have sex with him enough and that men have needs...and led to last week's incident of me really thinking I was being attacked- and him getting so, so angry I wouldn't let him finish! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM
He was in the inpatient anger management because I gave him an ultimatum. He had to get help or move out. He was angry 100% of the time and it was 100% embarrassing and horrible and the same day my kid drew a picture of the whole family- "daddy has a red face and a frown because he's angry all the time"- I gave him the ultimatum and made him pack his bag.
He lost his job and it made him a very angry person. He got help and was considerably better for a long time. Unfortunately, my ability to see him in a sexual way never returned. I wish he could live down the street and come over when we needed him.
The cheating thing is entirely irrelevant since he doesn't know about it anyway, so that knowledge couldn't be influencing his actions. And no, when a woman describes a rape, there really isn't any kind of value to adding a 'back story', unless this wasn't the first time. Which the OP has already told us.
Im not surprised he has anger management issues, your relationship has most of the signs of an abusive one. Id be surprised if he hasn't hit you or threatened you.
The whole relationship is spiraling out of control which is very dangerous to you. Do whatever therapy you need to feel ok leaving but you need to leave sooner rather than later. This isn't a safe or healthy environment for you or your kids and I know that deep down you know that too.