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Emotional healing
I'm going to see my counselor tonight for my first session since H left on Friday. I hope to afford to be able to go weekly... bi-weekly at the very least.
I think I'm doing okay on the logistical end of things... preparing myself financially, getting my ducks in a row and trying to come up with a plan for this separation/divorce. I suspect that within a few weeks once the arrangements with the house are sorted out, I will be on a better path emotionally as well. I don't anticipate any serious issues with this, but I am armed (so to speak) for whatever comes.
I know my counselor will help get me through this. But I'm just feeling so alone right now. I have one girlfriend who *truly* understands and who I can trust. I've had many offers of support but I am hesitant to reach out to many people right now because ALL of our friends in this area are mutual, and it has become apparent that he "got to them first".
What helped you? How do you heal emotionally from the heartbreak, hurt, anger? How do I become okay with just letting go of 9 years?
Re: Emotional healing
Counseling will help tremendously, as will time. Sadly, there's no quick fix. I found it really helpful to plunge myself into things that I really loved -- cultivate hobbies, spend time with good people, do things you've always wondered about. Stay busy in productive ways, but also allow yourself a good amount of downtime. It's ok to grieve, but don't let yourself wallow.
I'm glad you have a friend to lean on. But try to cultivate more. Sign up for activities, classes, etc. Try to meet like-minded people, and spend time with them, too.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I feel like they are siding with him. We keep a pretty close circle of couples as friends. I texted one of the ones I was closest to and asked if she could come by my house, that I really needed to talk to her (this was on Sunday morning). She said sure, how's Tuesday.
So yesterday she comes over and I told her what happened, and she already knew. He called them all (2 couples) on Saturday. So the women, who are supposed to be my friends, have known since then and no one reached out. It made me feel so alone, even while she was here... I just couldn't wait for her to leave. Like I needed to watch what I said.
I also came out of my counseling session to a text from another one of our friends, that he's staying with them right now... but if I want to chat she'll come see me. It feels like I've "lost" three of my closest girlfriends in the course of one day.
Do you have any family or old friends of your own to reach out to?
I became closer with my brothers and sister and my parents, aunts, uncles and grandma during my divorce. I also became closer to some of my parents friends who had been through divorce themselves...I also did a few session of divorce care - it's like a church class about divorce.. didn't really help me but it was nice to feel like I wasn't alone.
My brother lives about an hour away... my parents four. I've been talking to my mom every day and my brother and I text back and forth all day long. They've both been great.
The only people I really have in this town are our mutual friends, my one best friend, and a few not so close ones. I'm not entirely sure I want to (or should) stay... but I can definitely picture myself being happy here. It is a great town and I really, really love my job. I just have a lot of rebuilding to do.
I guess its just really fresh... I wasn't ready for any of this. I will have six days off for Easter so I can go and stay with my parents. Definitely looking forward to that.
I'm really sorry you have had such a hard time with your friends. I found that the ones who were my true friends stuck around no matter what. Daily phone calls to the long distance ones and regular hang outs with the close ones really helped me to get through. Between that and my therapist I am doing a lot better than I could have been.
Tea Time for Lulu