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Unfortunate update...
So I haven't been on in a while... Reason being, I was assaulted by my "knight in shining armor" boyfriend. Go figure. He punched me repeatedly in the face and sent me flying through the kitchen. He grabbed a handful of my hair when I tried to run away and dragged me up the steps.
I went to the ER for trauma, had two CT scans done (Maxo/facial and head), and I had a pretty nasty concussion, full of dizziness, vomiting, underwater sounds in my ears, whereas I've been out of work for a week for it. Today is my first full day back. This happened last Tuesday.
I went to court and got a PFA. We had the hearing yesterday. He is out of my life. 100%. I can't stop shaking when I think about what happened. I have two black eyes and half of my face is swollen still from blood pooling under the skin.
It's sad to say that in 8 months, he hadn't shown his true colors, until now. I'm glad I didn't waste years with him... ugh.
So in the time off from work, I removed everything in my apartment that reminds me of him, bought new bed sheets/comforter set, new bathroom stuff, and just cleaned house. Moved furniture.
I'm still slightly in shock so bear with me. But I'm back.
I went out last week with some new friends I just met and this boy was glued to my hip all night and has been texting me.... ugh... I told him that I just want friends because of what I just went through. He said he's down with that, he just is concerned and wants to make sure I'm okay. I just think he's liking me way more than I'm interested in and I don't want to hurt anyone. He's cute and sweet but I'm not ready for that.
I don't know anything anymore.
Re: Unfortunate update...
First, I'm glad you're ok. You did the right thing.
Second, are you in counseling? If not, get there STAT.
Third, do not talk to this boy. Anyone who wants you in a bad time in your life is an opportunist who you don't need. No offense, but ask yourself if you'd be glued to some beat up girl's hip all night if you heard the crazy story you just told us. The answer is probably no and for good reason. Why this stranger you just met is trying to save you, I have no idea, but these "saviors" are never good news.
Trust your gut on this one.
Fourth, I'm really glad you're ok. I know I already said this but it's true. I hope you have a good support system. ((hugs))
That stupid son of a bltch. I am so sorry that this happened to you, this absolutely makes my blood boil.
It sounds like you're handling it well, I'm glad you got him out of your life. Are you going to counseling? There are so, so many resources available to victims of DV.
I don't know where you are in the country but I know you can call the DV Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) - if you just want to talk - I know from experience it can be so helpful. Hey, their website even helps you find counselors in your area - http://www.thehotline.org/
Or you can PM me if you want to! I've been through the abuse thing, I really feel for you. It's confusing right now but I promise you it gets better.
((hugs))
I am in counseling. I haven't had a chance to see my therapist yet due to days of doctor's appointments and vomiting from being dizzy, but I have an appointment this week.
I know. I thought it was weird too... I met him before I had a busted face, and we got along then, but its just strange that he's glued to me. I already told him that I just want to be friends because his brother and his friends are cool. I had fun hanging out with them. I don't want a boyfriend. He's also my best girlfriend's best guy friend if that makes any sense.
I'm so dazed. I'm not really sad. I'm kind of just shocked and appalled that he could do that to me, especially after not having been anything like that before. I never saw the warning signs.
Thanks MCC.
Thanks everyone
I'm strong. I'll be okay. It's just bizarre.
Check these out, might help you gain some perspective:
Abusive Personality: http://www.newbeginningsnh.org/html/signs.htmlCycle of Abuse Wheel: http://www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/
Wow. As the other ladies, I am so sorry that this happened to you, and so glad that that jerk is out of your life. Counseling is definitely a good call. You say you didn't see the signs...what was it that sent him off the edge? It must have been big for him to completely flip out if he's never done that before. Was he someone who would pick fights? Quick tempered? Not get along with other people? Did anyone ever try to warn you about him? Just would like some clarification because it is a scary story, and would be good for others to know so the same thing doesn't happen to them.
As for this other boy, you can be friends with him, but I would have your best friend tell him to back off a bit. You don't need any sort of unwanted attention in your life right now, even from a nice guy.
I'm really incredibly sorry this happened to you. If you ever want to talk or want resources on domestic violence I'm happy to pass some along or just chat. I do DV prosecution and my experience has been that a lot of people don't show their true colors for a long time. They're attracted to women who are kind, who see the best in people and then prey on those positive personality characteristics. There is nothing wrong with YOU, nothing YOU did, no signs that YOU missed. If anything, the fact that you got out and are pressing charges reflects positively on you and shows what a strong person you are. A lot of people choose to go back and get sucked in by their BS apologies. And even scarier, a lot of domestic abuse is prosecuted in family courts which are closed, so there is no record and it wouldn't show up if you did a background check.
Definitely look into counseling you aren't in counseling already this may affect you in ways you don't realize and you deserve to be able to put it behidn you.
There are some signs of abusive relationship that don't even occur to people. For example, a lot of times a man who threatens suicide during an argument turns out to be abusive. The suicide threat is a manipulation tactic. Or they'll try to control small parts of your life, like looking through your phone, making you feel bad about what you cooked for dinner, guilting you into not hanging out with your friends b.c. he can't bare to be apart, etc. A counselor can maybe help you pick up on subtle cues so you can identify them and avoid people who exhibit those behaviors in the future.
I don't know what a PFA is but I hope it means you threw his_ass in jail! I don't understand how a man can do something like this. Was he drunk? Not that it would excuse his behavior by any means
I am glad you are okay now. I am a DV survivor and it took years for me to heal.
All I want to say is please take care of you. No one else will take better care of you except for yourself. As for the boy that is drawn to you, it is good that you are aware of your surroundings but that does not mean other take precedence over you and your needs. You seem very aware that you are not in a very good position to start a relationship with this boy and you will need to fight hard to protect yourself and fight hard to be on the path that you want to be on. I encourage counseling before entering into another relationship so you can fully heal from your shock. It will get better, I promise. As for the pain, just remember that nothing last forever, including the pain.
OMG that is horrible and so scary. Were there any signs at all that he was like this (controlling, not respecting boundaries, etc?)
And as for the boy who is texting you and "concerned"? Run away from him. Run far, far away.
How horrible! I am so glad you are ok! The ladies have already said most of what I would have said. Stay safe and don't go out with that new guy.
((hugs))
No, he's been pretty awesome for 8 months out of the 9. The last month or so he's been away a lot for work and we barely talk. Text once a day, call once every other day or so and he's been distant. He came to spend the night at my apartment and he started arguing with me because I asked if I could borrow some money until I got paid.
He threw his wallet at me and I declined the money and left the apartment so we wouldn't fight. Then he continued to text me all night long while I was at work, which I said is a no-go. I get home from work and he is waiting for me, angry, fighting with me about money. So I just said, dude I think you should go home or I'm going to stay with my friend tonight because I don't want to be here with you..so I kept trying to leave, and he kept blocking me, screaming at me. And then the violence.
I don't know. I mean I said some nasty things as well, but not to the extent that he did. He's been trying to contact me to apologize but I told him that's breaking the PFA order and he's stopped.
I don't want him to go to jail, I just want him out of my life. My parents are SHOCKED. They loved him, and didn't see any warning signs at all, either. Neither did our friends. I don't know if he just snapped or what, but he didn't give me an answer to as why he did that.
*sigh*
As for new boy, yeah I'm not down. He called me beautiful the other day and I said to him, "First of all, my face is 3 colors of bruise. Secondly, I don't want to date you. I just need a friend." and he was like "Oh I know! I will be your friend.." and i'm like Ughhhhhhhh. So I've been not texting him back very much. I liked his friends and he's my bestie's best, so I'm trying to be cordial. But eh. I'm just not feeling it.
Im really sorry about this. Nothing you said justifies that type of behavior so don't think about blaming yourself at all.
Reiterating all the other ladies, don't pursue anything with this new guy. It sounds like you need some time to focus on yourself. Continue therapy, hang out with friends, relax, work out, etc.
I'm so sorry you had that happen to you! I'm so glad you put a protective order on him. Keep it in place and re-up it as needed.
I agree with the pp on getting some counseling. I've been where you were at with abuse. Take to some one. It's been a few years for me, but I still have things pop up in my mind. I have a wonderful group of friends who offer support and it has been a big help.Take it easy and let yourself heal physically, emotionally and mentally. Don't rush it. Just take your time.
I'm so glad you are okay!
I would definitely cut off texting with the new guy, he sounds creepy, and like even though he SAYS he knows you just want to be friends, he has other intentions. Does not seem good.
Maybe you could tell your bestie to ask him to back off. Maybe something like: "I know he means well, but I really need him to take three GIANT steps back right now. He doesn't seem to be getting the message from me, so maybe you can help me out?"
That guy pursuing you now is totally a creeper. And if you become friends with him, he's going to be this friend:
http://xkcd.com/513/
First, I am deeply sorry this happened to you.
Second, he punched you multiple times and dragged you up the stairs by your hair....you may not want him to go to jail but I sure as fuuuck want this idiot to spend time behind bars.
All of this. This may come off mean or rude, but think about future women he could be involved with. Putting him in jail could help future women he meets stay away from him (if they google his court records, etc).
Thank goodness you are okay. I'm happy that you've taken all the right steps to get him out of your life and that you're seeking counseling. Your story is really scary for me since you say there were no signs ahead of time.
Have you ever read The Gift of Fear? If not, I highly recommend it. It has a lot of tips about warning signs that aren't super obvious and also how to deal with people who've crossed the line. I recommend that every woman read it.
I know you don't want to send him to jail, but he could have killed you! He could also do this to someone else in the future. I hope you reconsider...
Everything MCC said. I'm so sorry you were assaulted and abused.
Tea Time for Lulu