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New here...looking for a little support/advice
Hi all....I found this through the knot...getting married three weeks from today- yay! So my future hubby (when we met) was in super great shape and had quit smoking (at the time I didnt even know he was ever a smoker-found out several months in when I was already madly in love with him..)...that has since changed in the last few years of dating/engagement. Hes smoking again and put on a good bit of weight...he's amazing and handsome and wonderful so its not his appearance, Im just so worried about all the health risks associated with everything. The smoking is stress driven and Ive addressed it in every way you can think of-so he knows I hate it. I try to get him to go to the gym with me..but he is working in a very stressful job, long hours and getting his graduate degree- so he's zapped for energy. He loves to eat and could care less about trying to watching calories/fat ect. I try to do most of the shopping/cooking so its healthier but sometimes I just cant.
Anyway this man is my best friend, soon to be husband and hopefully one day we'll have a family. Im terrified of cancer, diabetes, heart disease. What can I do to get him back to his former healthy self (without being a nag which I seemed to be doing)?
Re: New here...looking for a little support/advice
You can't change someone, they have to want to change. If you aren't already, a good thing to do would be to start exercising yourself, making healthier meals, he may catch on and join you.
Is this a dealbreaker? Does he know how you feel about this?
He is the one who has changed since the relationship began. It's unfair to expect you to be OK with it, if it's not at all OK with you.
Everyone gets stressed. I get stressed all the time. But I don't smoke. There are plenty of better ways to deal with stress. Me, I like to go for a run or walk the dogs when things are really crazy.
If this is so worrisome for you, you can't marry this guy. It's a lot easier to call off a wedding than to get a divorce.
To answer your question, there's no way to change someone. People change when they want to change. My H and I have been together for almost 7 years. It wasn't until a few months ago that he started working out and caring about what he eats. He did it all on his own. I've always been active and could never figure out what to do to get him to be active/healthy, and the answer is that there was nothing I could do. He had to get there on his own.
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