Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Babies at a viewing?
Yes, I'm using TIP as Miss Manners, but I know you will be honest with me.
A friend of the family passed away this week. I could either go to the viewing or the service. I went to the viewing because it was at a time when DH could come with me and be in charge of DS.
So we went to the viewing and did a quick in and out. DH talked to a couple of people while I lined up to give my condolences. DH held DS the whole time, whose main trick was looking sleepy and making blinky eyes at people.
But DS was the only child there aside from the deceased's eight year-old great granddaughter. A two year-old great-granddaughter wasn't there.
So is bring a baby to a viewing a faux pas? Nobody gave me a hard time about it, but the family is insanely nice so I don't think they have a dirty look to give among the whole crew of them. I realized though that I've never seen a baby at a viewing.
Hopefully I'm done with funerals for a while, but who knows.
Thoooooooughts?
Re: Babies at a viewing?
Unless the child is crying or running around like a maniac, no, I don't have a problem with a baby or a child at a viewing. These events are meant to comfort the living and I bet your darling son was a bit of joy for the others.
I agree with DaringMiss.
The only thing I have really given a side-eye to at viewings and funerals are the people that take pictures with the deceased. I just don't get that.
DH had eyes on the door and directions to wait for me at the car if DS started to lose it.
I've gone through more than my fair share of funerals/viewings/etc, and I have seen quite a few parents with babies in tow at them ... it's never caused me to bat an eye.
I think the reason why babies and small children usually aren't at these things is just because they can get antsy or uncomfortable, and some parents just don't want to with fussiness at a funeral parlor (Or if it's a slightly older child, they don't want them to be scared by the deceased).
But as long as everybody is being quiet (Or being removed if they start to cry or something), I really don't see the problem with a baby being present.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
lol that's what we do too.
As long as the kid behaves appropriately for the occasion, there are no problems.
I think the reasons you don't often see kids at viewings/funerals are:
A. parents don't trust them to behave
B. parents are afraid of exposing them to death
C. parents may not have the energy to deal with their kids (going back to A) if the death is someone close to them.
IMO, you're good.
I have a huge family and the trend throughout is to marry your prom date and have kids (and lots of them) very young. As a result, I clearly remember my great-great grandparents. I've been to a lot of funerals.
My mom always took great care to put me in a frilly dress, patent leather mary janes, and ruffle-butt tights when we were going to a funeral. She probably figured that a pretty little girl in ruffles and bows would help cheer some people up a little.
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
Also I agree that viewing are just weird. They don't bother me because I've spent far too much time around dead bodies, but I don't feel a need to say goodbye to a body.
I helped to take care of Miss Lady and had spent a lot of time with her family in the process. I wanted to see the daughter / son-in-law. Once I was there though, I looked at Daughter (only living child) and thought that she probably would've been happy to just be at home.
Ug. Miss Lady was a social butterfly and the viewing was packed. Daughter had a LOOOOONG road during Miss Lady's illness and I looked at Daughter at the viewing and just wished for her that she could be home getting some rest instead of dealing with all of us.
I don't get that, but that's kind of whatever, to me. What bothers me is when they put a picture of the person, from when they were alive, on the cake and eat it. It smacks of cannibalism. I just can't imagine cutting into, and eating a picture of someone I just saw in a casket...
I think the cake is only okay in the case of a cremation. Then they mix the ashes into the batter and you get to carry a little bit of your deceased loved one with you. At least until you poop.
ITA with you. I do my best to avoid going to wakes at all.
As long as your child wasn't a terror, I don't think you did anything faux pas.
there are usually a couple of babies at most wakes i've been to.
BBE! Stop making me laugh, it hurts my eyeball!!
Oh no! I'm sorry! No more dead people face cake stories until your eye is better, I promise!
Yes, this. Unless the child is causing a disruption of some sort then I see no reason why they can't be included.