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Irrational Bridezilla?
Okay..trying to give details but keep it fairly short. I've been with the fiance for almost 4 years. We're getting married in a month. Things have been rocky as far as work goes for him. His history isn't the best but then with the economy what it is..lets just say I've been the main breadwinner for awhile. Losing the jobs he's had has also not been his fault. Those are a whole other tale though.
Anyway we're due to get married May 12th and I've come to the conclusion that I might stab someone in the throat with a pencil. We have a next to zero budget which I'm fine with. It's the OTHER people telling me what I 'should' have and what people 'expect' at my wedding that are royally pissing me off. And if my own mother asks me one more time if I'm sure I want to do this I'm going to ban her from the service. The MIL is not coming because she says she can't afford to. (Another long story but she's lying.) I love this woman and she's always been supportive of our relationship so I don't understand why she would miss the biggest day of her only sons life. He's also the baby. AND my dad refuses to wear a tie. He wants to wear a western suit (gag) with a bolo tie.
I've banned everyone but our wedding party and parents from the service. Extended family and friends are welcome to join the reception but my fiance literally has NO family coming now. I don't think these are normal issues. Am I overreacting ? Taking things wrong? Should I stop giving my STBMIL the silent treatment for skipping out?
Sorry this got so long. I guess I needed to vent. *sigh*
Re: Irrational Bridezilla?
You're giving your MIL the silent treatment? who does that? This is childish, if she says she can't make it then let it go, let her know that you'll both miss her there but you understand.
I get why you're stressed but it's a little weird that 1)your mom doesn't seem to approve of the marriage 2) your FMIL doesn't seem to want to go to the wedding and 3) you've banned everyone but the wedding party from going to your service? why did you do that?
If SO many people are against this or are causing you this much grief about the wedding have you made sure that they don't have a point in any of it? Maybe they don't but if there's that many people against it it might be worth mulling over.
your dad wearing the western suit would be funny and frustrating but in the end I'd just let him do what he wants, somethings aren't worth causing drama over and this is probably one of those things.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This. Andplusalso her FI's family doesn't want to be there and OP's mom doesn't approve. I'd say the least of her concerns should be her dad's wedding attire.
Why do you think your MIL is lying about not being able to afford to come? What do you think her real reason is?
Why have you "banned" people from the ceremony?
Let your dad wear whatever he wants.
Baby Boxer is coming! 5.23.12
www.focushunting.com
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
Zombri,
We've all been affected by the economy in one way or the other. The red flag here is that you said jobS, not job. That is not normal and something you should seriously consider before taking this major step.
When he is unemployed, does he assist with housework, grocery shopping, etc.? Does he go above and beyond to let you know you're appreciated? Does he do everything in his power to seek employment?
Your mother is looking out for your best interests. She's looking at the whole picture. You're blinded by the thought of four years potentially spent with the wrong person.
Why is your MIL not coming? If you two have the loving relationship you claim to have AND she supports your relationship, what would stop her? Is your venue in Mexico? Timbuktu?
Since you've banned everyone from your ceremony, why do you really care what your dad wears? He is who he is. It's not worth alienating him.
Are you overreacting? Banning everyone from the ceremony is certainly an overreaction in my mind. However, it's your wedding and you're welcome to do as you please.
I think it's rather odd that no one in your fiance's family is coming. Their feelings may be hurt that they have not been invited to see "the baby" get married.
And giving your FMIL the silent treatment is childish if not detrimental to your future relationship with her.
Do some serious thinking about this. What's the plan if you get pregnant? Have you thought about maternity leave? Who will bring in the money for those 6-12 weeks? What if it's a complicated pregnancy placing you on bed rest that requires months off of work? Do you really want someone whose proven to have an irresponsible work ethic to be your "reliable" income?
I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.
Team Zombri's Mom
And if you're too young to appreciate your dad wearing a western suit and bolo tie to your wedding, you're too young to get married.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
Okay to answer multiple questions... I didn't say losing jobs was NEVER his fault. I said they were not ALL his fault. He does help around the house and when he can, he fixes computers to help out with cash but there hasn't been too much of that coming in.
His mother states she can't make it for the wedding because she can't afford it. However she has no rent to pay, no car payment no bills aside from her cell phone. She is living with her daughter who takes care of everything pretty much. We know she's lying because she told us not even six months ago what her financial situation was like. I hardly think she spent well over 100k in less then six months when she has no bills. She has no vices either. This is the same woman who missed TWO of his graduations. I'm upset and I'm giving her the silent treatment because it's a lot better off then telling her everything I'd LIKE to. You know that saying "If you don't have anything nice to say..?" Well that explains that.
I compromised on the dad thing. We found him a purple bolo.
I come from a family that can be completely artificial and snarky. That has had no problem talking behind my own mothers back for years. I love them but it irritates me to think that I should invite them to my wedding just so they can talk *** about it later. There's over 50 aunts uncles cousins and grandparents on my side and my fiance only has his mother and 3 sisters. None of which can make it because they're either non invited (crazy sister with a warrant.) or can't make it due to health reasons. This seems unfair that he has no one to stand for him aside from the few friends that are on his side, which is why we're doing a private ceremony. Oh and his mother is in Houston, we are in South Dakota. A bus ticket would cost $200 round trip. She wouldn't even have to get a hotel.
There is a lot more that goes into this obviously then I originally put down. The basics are this. None of these people have seen what him and I have struggled through and come out of for the past 4 years. Hardly any have taken the time to see how happy he makes me. Things get rough. You don't just bail. You hold on and push through and support each other. Which is what we've done. My mother who I adore is an amazing woman...but even she hasn't been around enough to know what him and I have been through.
Oh..and I am 27 and he is 28. As for kids..there are no plans for those until things are actually settled and stable for a good long while.
Exactly.
I'm sorry that the stresses of planning a wedding are getting to you. It sounds like you need to take a step back and look at the big picture, if for nothing else than your own sanity! For what it's worth it might be helpful to consider the following:
1) Your wedding day is about you and your guy making a lifetime commitment.
2) Some people will not live up to your expectations. You have a limited ability to change them and for your big day you have more important things to focus on.
3) Try not to get angry. I know it's hard when you feel hurt but anger will just make everything worse. Don't think about this in terms of "banning" people, for example. You're just "limiting your wedding size" and considering the expense and stress that weddings can bring, that's a totally understandable thing to do.
I got married myself last year and had a number of upset moments when others didn't do what I wanted them to. But by focusing on the positives (you're getting married!) the day ended up being beautiful and spontaneous. Just relax and focus on yourself and your guy. Let your love shine through. Good luck.