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Lurker here- How do you deal/handle when...
I knew I've been BNOTB for a long time, but I still have difficulty when I'm asked these following questions. I find it difficult b/c most of my friends (99% of them) want babies/have families, and I'm not interested in the least.
1. After being asked when we'll have kids and I say "I'm not having children", they ask "oh, do you not like children?"- I've really struggled with this, b/c society has deemed that women should want to have children. I see it's becoming more and more "standard" for women to not have children, but living here in OH, it's definitely not the norm. I struggled thinking I should have them so I will eventually... I guess?- but all the while knowing I don't know if this right for me. I try not to be snarky when answering back, but I feel like I need to defend myself as not being a child-hater. I am now standing my ground and not having them, but I have yet a good yet non-snarky response to answer back. (I am a devoted aunt, and love being around my nieces and nephew.)
2. I like babies, but I can't relate to 2-5yo. I hate playing dress up, I don't like talking in funny voices when reading stories, and I don't like Dora/The Wiggles/etc. I just find it really difficult to relate to children in this age range, but I hate to just ignore them entirely when I'm over at my friend's homes. (And I am a girly girl, love clothes and getting dressed up, and pretty fashion-forward). How do you handle this (if you are like this)?
Just needed to get some feedback- hoping you ladies can help...
Re: Lurker here- How do you deal/handle when...
Eh, I don't like any of that stuff either but I wouldn't say it's because I just don't like children. People don't understand that not wanting kids =/- not liking kids, and that's usually what I tell them.
My typical response is that we just don't want kids and would rather focus on our respective careers. Only when I'm pushed do I get a little bitter in my response.
Hello and welcome, many of us know exactly how you feel with regards to handling the "kid question" and relating to kids. Here are a few of my favorite articles that address ways to handle it that have been disussed on here.
Defending being Childless
Controversial "Choice"
Real Reasons Women want to be Child Free
And written by our own prolific poster, Lizardesque, The Kid Question
Maybe some of that literature will help you with some nonsnarky responses and ways of dealing with the questions and judgements.
We are big fans of coming up with lots of snarky resonses, too, if you decide you want some of those as well.
For me, I do say that I don't like children, because I don't. I usually phrase it as, "I'm just not a kids person." I don't want it to sound like I hate their children specifically, but I'm not going to pretend to like kids when I don't.
As for #2, I pretty much ignore them. I will smile and respond to them if they ask me a question or hand me something, but I don't instigate any interaction. My friend's daughter always tries to get me to play with her and I just say, "No thanks, I'm here to talk to mommy."
My blog: The Lizard Chronicles
Check out What's on Liz's Head
I know these ladies will have plenty to offer as far as "what to say" or just general tips. I don't have too many I use myself. I typically just avoid. My age really helps me in that I use the "That's a really far away prospect." I'm also going to school and trying to focus on my career. My family is pretty respectful of my goals.
I'm also in the probably never, but not sure camp. I dread the day I actually tell my mom "Nope, not going to happen." She thinks it's a phase (and it might be), but as long as they aren't nagging I'm not going to put my foot down one way or the other.
Meh, it works for me.
I also completely understand about people not being able to relate because of where you're from. I have just a handle full of friends who don't have kids, but they all are either planning some time in the future, or TTC. It sucks.
Best. Analogy. Ever.
My Blog
Agreed.
Truthfully, I really do not want to hang out with kids that are between 2-5yo. I feel like I cannot relate to them at all. I do fear though, that my friends will sort of disconnect with me if I ever voice this because they are protective nd defensive of their kids.... In all honesty however, I do love being around 7yo and up- I relate to them much more, they are more self-sufficient, and it's more of a fun age for me.
It sucks.