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s/o dating men with kids

So for those of you WITH kids, what is your preference on the men you date....those with kids or those without?

I have kids and can see pros/cons to each.  Dating someone with kids means he probably "gets" it when it comes to time constraints and stuff.  Dating someone without kids means no blending families, which can be pretty difficult.

Thoughts???

Re: s/o dating men with kids

  • I prefer older kids (at least over 10, preferably grown) or no kids.  It just would work better for my son I think.
  • I kind of responded to this in the other post, but I'll go anyways.  I prefer to date men without kids.

    I've dated single dads and men without kids and the latter is much easier.  Because my schedule isn't flexible at all it makes it easier to date someone who has more flexibility in their's.  For example, I cannot stay at J's very much.  Maybe once a week if my mom keeps P overnight, if that.  But he can stay at my house, it's just a matter of taking care of his dog before he leaves and then driving the twenty minutes to my house. 

    I also think, that given the situation with XH, I like the idea of dating someone who could POTENTIALLY be a great stepfather to DS.  I do not know what the future holds for XH.  I have to be that constant in his life.  Whoever ultimately ends up with me will also have to be a constant for him.  I just think it's easier for that to happen with someone who doesn't have children already.

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  • My current BF and one I dated last year both said that they normally dated women with kids because they "got it", but that inevitably those relationships ended because of the difference in parenting styles and the way the women treated their children, because they knew that if they treated their own children like that, his wouldn't have a chance.
  • I prefer dating those without kids because of scheduling issues mostly, but I am honestly open to get to know a guy before ruling them out based on children.
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  • imageDorisWE:

    I have kids and can see pros/cons to each.  Dating someone with kids means he probably "gets" it when it comes to time constraints and stuff.  Dating someone without kids means no blending families, which can be pretty difficult.

    Thoughts???

    This. I'm on the fence...

  • imageDorisWE:

    So for those of you WITH kids, what is your preference on the men you date....those with kids or those without?

    I have kids and can see pros/cons to each.  Dating someone with kids means he probably "gets" it when it comes to time constraints and stuff.  Dating someone without kids means no blending families, which can be pretty difficult.

    Thoughts???

    Being one raised in a blended family, I recall it being very difficult because us kids (including steps) practically got thrown together and all of a sudden had new house rules and so on.  I think because of this process, we lost our identities and rebelled.

    With that said, I am very open to dating a man with children as long as he also has the spirit that it is TWO families joining  together being sensitive with our children?s feelings and identities.  Also, XH is very involved and is a very good father.  He is always going to be in my life one way or another. So my future SO would have to accept that.

     I am keeping my option open but I really would want to date someone who is in the same "place" in life as I am so that we can grow together more evenly.    I don't want either one of us to feel like we "missed out" on the firsts of life I.e. wedding, baby, and first house together and so on to the point there are some resentful feelings.  Why make the relationship harder than it has to be.

     

  • My XH had two kids (as do I).  It made for some very fun times as well as some very painful times.  I honestly think a lot of the biggest issues were HUGE differences in parenting styles. 

    I really don't know which side I land on anymore.  I guess my fear is a guy who doesn't have any kids would want some of his own, and I'm not sure I'm willing to have any more since my baby is almost 8.

  • I've always prefered dating men with kids.
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  • I have a 2 year old and my SO has no other children. I don't know if I would have been interested in dating him if he had a child(ren). When I was starting to date again after separating from DD's father I didn't exclude men with children but I'm glad I ended up with someone without. Life is stressful enough with work schedules, school and DD. He lives about 40 mins away also so we only get to spend weekends together right now but we're moving into an apt together in about 2-3 weeks.
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