Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Who wants to give me dating advice?
I seem to date 3 types of guys, what am I doing wrong? This is getting exhausting
1. creepy weirdos
2. guys are "just ok"
3. guys that I like, we seem to have fun but I never hear from them again
ETA: I also attract a lot of guys that cancel before we even meet. At least 50% or more.
Be gentle please, I'm fragile today
Re: Who wants to give me dating advice?
Sorry, I don't have advice to offer but I'll be watching these responses. I'm in the same boat as you. Hence why I cancelled my match membership and deleted my OKC profile.
1. Pick better quality guys. I know it's tough in your area because, well, I picked some for you there. I've found that younger guys can be flaky. Older ones can too but part of the reason I don't date younger is because they seem to think that everything is touch and go. Since you have a day job and a son, you need to plan things. Try to pick people with similar lifestyles so you will be more compatible. The 37 yr old who wrote to you might be the same age but he's in a different place in life (school), you know?
2. Give the "ok" guys a chance if you had a good date. A second date might be better.
3. You know my answer and I think this should change soon
Honestly, I just had someone who was semi-flaking on me tonight (work happens, but plans are plans and you're not staying in the office until 10). Instead of letting him "check in with me later" I pushed back dinner 30 mins, made a reservation and told him not to disappoint me. If he does, at least I feel better for giving him something to disappoint me with instead of just waiting on a text message, you know?
Also, I'm working on cutting out text messages, it just leaves you being disappointed waiting to hear from someone. Phone is more personal.
Great advice MCC, with regard to the bolded part... do you think I should call ND or just write him off at this point? Haven't heard anything since the text I sent him last night.
Sorry, compared to the puppies and rainbows thrown at you my advice sounds harsh.
Honestly, you're great, you know that, I know that and a certain British man kept telling me that yesterday. It's a numbers game in a sense and it sucks. Hang in there. ((hugs))
At this point, I'd forget him. We discussed other avenues with him, but I think this one isn't worth dating. You deserve someone who will call or text you back.
aww, you are so sweet... and thanks for telling me to keep at it. I kind of expected a lot of people to tell me to take a break, which I don't think is the answer for me at this time
You're right. It sucks though because our date was really awesome
Thanks, I can't help asking myself... what is the common denominator with this guys? It has to be me at this point.
Here's my dumb question of the day: should I go back and recycle some of the "meh" dates? Like Patrick (sweater vest boy - he really dug me) or 56 year old (he was pretty into me too) or just move on?
I don't think you're doing anything wrong, the only thing I would suggest is maybe taking a break. You have to be experiencing some burnout by now.
The only ones I would consider recycling would be someone that you can't stop thinking about or wrote off unfairly. Someone who you definitely were not into I wouldn't do.
I gave J a second shot because I kept comparing other guys to him that I dated after him. So and so isn't as mature. So and so is playing games, etc.
Plus the reason I decided to write him off was because he was wearing a t-shirt that was too tight underneath a sweatshirt. He hadn't even planned on taking the sweatshirt off but his dog got him dirty and he didn't want to wear a muddy shirt to dinner. Plus I was worried because his dog was running around in a field with some cattle when we took a walk and it made me think that my dad would think he was an idiot for not knowing you don't let your dog go after other people's cattle. But this was something I should have just told him, plus it's something that only someone who had grown up in my area or around cattle would know. Basically I was writing hmi off for super petty reasons.
But does he look GOOD under the tight t-shirt? haha but seriously, writing a guy off cuz his t shirt is too tight made me laugh. I'm glad you re-thought that one!
I wrote off Patrick because he wore a navy sweater vest (not a cute one) with a red shirt under it. He also didn't really seem that excited to be with me and did not seem really interesting. He's an engineer. He really liked me a lot though.
Ugh, I should have written BR off when he told me he even OWNED a sweater vest. I hate them!
I wouldn't recycled them unless you keep thinking about them.
That's a little different than the t-shirt being too tight!
Yes! But I honestly just think something was kind of "off" about us that night. The conversation was really stilted and awkward. I found myself struggling to come up with things to say. One of my good friends at work said for some reason her and her husband of five years had a horrible second date as well. I wouldn't say it was horrible but it was just....off.
When we met up again a few weeks ago things were fantastic and just flowed. I had told myself I would just give it a shot to see how it went and it went better than expected! Plus I communicated to him that it is difficult for me to talk on the phone every night and that texting is easier for me because of P. He totally understood (even though he's more of a chat on the phone person) and was like "oh then we'll just make that work". I don't know why I didn't just tell him that to begin with.
I sort of think I needed to date a tiny bit more to appreciate how amazing and understanding he is.
Hey man, I have a totally adorable sweater vest!!! I look super cute in it!
Unfortunately it's mostly those kind of people who are on dating sites, from my experience. Maybe a break would help right now? When I stopped online dating and invested myself in non-dating co-ed activities (I used meetup.com), I met my boyfriend of three months.
Sorry things aren't going well right now. I'll throw in a cliche in hopes that will help-- "This, too, shall pass."
I think its smart and brave of you to be introspective. I definitely don't know you well enough to say you do ____ wrong. You can be a smartass on here, not in a bad way, but if you come across that way in real life a lot of people are not socially adept enough to interpret it and may be intimidated.
I'm a firm believer in continuing to put yourself out there. Pugs had good suggestions on maybe exploring another dating pool. Do you have any community service oriented organizations for people in your age group, like the Jaycees?
Don't write off all engineers because this one was a snore. Engineers, I have found, are stable, dependable and are good at paying attention to detail (if you know what I mean). My bf is an engineer, so I may be biased. But he was also a theatre major in college ... engineer is his second career. Odd change, yes. But it makes him super interesting!
I found, when thrust back into the dating scene at age 42, that I needed to change up the types of guys I was dating. Ones that I normally would have written off early got second chances to see if things improved. Thank goodness I did that, because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have my DH now.
On our first date, he was wearing a sweater that was WAY too big for him. I didn't like it, but he seemed like a decent guy (no sparks or anything), so I kept going out with him to see if anything would develop. It was on our 5th date that I started to think something could really happen with this guy. He is also an engineer, so as a rule they're a little quieter and maybe not as flashy as other personality types. But as a pp said, they're good guys. I once heard: "Women don't want to date engineers, but they want to mate engineers" because while they're not exciting dates, they're good, stable husbands.
You know, you can easily change Patrick's wardrobe. I certainly did that with my DH! All giant sweaters are gone and he now looks good when we go out.