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Scared...
Im not sure if this is the right board, but here's my issue..
My husband and I want to have kids and start a family, however I am having a hard time deciding when the right time to start trying is.. I know there is never the perfect time and no one is ever truely ready. We are ready enough if it were to happen. We are in a good place financially and I would be able to quit my job and stay home with the baby (which is what we would both want). I think I just have some fears that are maybe justified, maybe not. Overall I think I am mainly scared of change.. I feel like this is such a HUGE thing that I do not want to take it lightly.
I had a rough childhood, and Im sure that is effecting the way I see having children. My father is an alcoholic who never held I job. We were very poor and my family had no boundaries. I was molested when I was little and when I ended up telling my mom, which was many many years later, she told me to never come home again and that I was destroying the family.. We live in the same city as my parents and this is one reason I am very scared to have kids. I am scared that I will be way overprotective and freaked out if I have a daughter. And I dont want to be pregnant around my mom with her lack of boundaries..Also, my MIL keeps pressuring us to have kids, she said my eggs are getting old and that My husbands body is breaking down from Iraq.. And that makes me want to wait even longer!
Anyways, how did having kids effect your lives? Do you and your DH still have time for eachother? How do you decide you are ready for such a life altering thing?
Help me sort all my crazy thoughts out please 
Re: Scared...
Given your background, I can see why you would be hesitant to have kids. What I can't see is why you have any relationship with your mother at all.
If you aren't already, you should probably get yourself into therapy, and if you are, you should maybe invite your husband along to discuss this with a therapist present.
And also, why do you have any relationship with your mother at all? Seriously, don't make me ask thrice.
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How old are your eggs?
You don't actually talk to either of your parents still, do you?
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
I am really sorry for eveything you have gone through. I cannot imagine why you still have a relationship with a mother who told you to never come home and that you were destroying your family. If the person that molested you is in your family, please never let them near your child.
I think it would benefit you to seek conseling to deal with everything you experienced as a child. Havea child when you and your husband are ready, do not let others influence your decision. I wish you the best luck.
Oh and tell your MIL to STFU.
I can definitely see why you would be hesitant or scared to have kids in your situation. But it doesn't mean you can't be a successful parent. I would suggest counseling to deal with some of your past issues.
Also, stop talking to your mom if you still are, and tell your MIL to back off and STFU about your eggs.
we all fall down sometimes
brass and ballet flats
I am 26 so my eggs are 26 I guess Lol I feel like I have plenty of time still... I was in counseling for 4 years and I am thinking about going back.. I just need to find another good one! I dont know why I talk to my mom still.. I guess I just dont know how to completely cut ties. I dont talk to her often and when I do I am very snappy with her. She is definitely a huge issue in my life, that is why I want to move away before I have kids, I guess because I am not strong enough to cut ties on my own..
Ugh I do need to go back to therapy..
It sounds like you do need to go back into therapy. I'm sorry.
Please take the advice of the internets and stop talking to your mom altogether. There is zero reason for you to keep someone as toxic as that in your life, especially if you do have kids. As for your MIL, she's right....your 26 year old eggs are totally expired by now. You are only capable of birthing horrible mutant babies that smell of sulfur.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
I think the fact that you are thinking this through means that you can still be a good parent.
And if you're already past your prime or whatever, I don't even want to think about where that leaves me...
My mom was molested by an uncle as a child. To this day, she will not speak to that uncle's widow, although he's been dead for decades. Counseling really helped her. And she was a good mother to me, though yes, she was a bit overprotective in some ways. I hold her responsible for my growing up afraid of men and sex... but I'm mostly over that by now and I'm not 30 yet, so no permanent damage done, and I can't really blame her for it. I think the fact that you are thinking about how this will impact your parenting is a good sign for good parenting. Just don't leave your child (male or female) alone for a second with the family member who did this to you, or with any family members who turned a blind eye to it, including your mom.
That said, at 26, there's no need to be in a hurry.
It sounds like you are ready in all aspect except for your mental state.
I think a lot of parenting woes occur when parents disagree about how to raise their child. I would suggest discussing with your husband some of the ways you both feel about parenting. If you both are on the same page about parenting, maybe this will increase your confidence that you are doing it together.
Do you feel like you have accomplished everything you wanted in your life before you have children? I would discuss this stuff with your husband, then give it a timeframe. Focus on you and your relationship for the next year, get out of your system what you need to, then discuss children. If you tell your families you are taking a year to focus on your relationship and you as an individual and their support would be appreciated.
It is a big life changed. Don't jump in if your not ready. But knowing what you know about your past and how you were raised and that you do not want to provide that same environment for your children that is a great start. Just by recognizing that stuff I think you are very capable!