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WWYD?
I found a card in our room. Not hidden, sitting on the TV stand. But not in an area I would ever typically go - not sure even how I exactly stumbled upon it.
Anyway, pretty sure the card isn't for me. "One minute getting to know you and enjoying our time, the next minute falling in love." "Life sometimes hands you a gift out of the blue." "Just wanted you to know you are "it" for me". After almost 15 years together, these don't seem like the normal sentences my H would jump at. In addition, he's never given me a card without an occasion attached. The card isn't signed yet or personalized in any way, so to be honest it could be for me and I am just freaking out over no good reason.
Would you: a) wait and see what happens with it-no sense looking crazy if you don't need to. b) ask about it and hope you can spot a lie. c) special snowflake.
Re: WWYD?
So those quotes are written in the card in your H's handwriting?
I'm not sure I would instantly jump to cheating in this situation; H and I have been together for 10 years and I don't think it would be weird if he wrote "you are 'it' for me." Plus, is your H dumb enough to leave his cheating-card out in the open? Are there other reasons for suspicion?
No, quotes are from store bought card. It hasn't been personalized with anything from him yet.
Lately I have been confused about our sex life also....but chalking that up to the up and down swings of married life. He still has a sex drive, and handles it on his own. But is not interested in having sex with me. We rarely have sex anymore, and when we do, it's usually instigated by booze.
If you've got a bad gut feeling, start checking around. I'm sure some of TIP will flame me for it but I think you should trust if you think something is up and just make sure stuff is checking out. Check your bank accounts, check your phones (is his texting way up?), check his phone or email if you have access. Poke around- it'll either give you peace of mind and you can get on with life or you'll discover some bad ish and you'll still get on, you just may be single.
If that card is not for you, your H is an idiot. Straight up.
Your sex life alone is enough to warrant a conversation. Not necessarily, a "who is it" kind of conversation, but a "what's going on here" kind of conversation.
I would be mad suspicious too. I am not a patient person, so I would probably bring it up now instead of doing more research, but that doesn't mean it's the best method.
That is really strange / awkward wording to come preprinted on a card
Took the advice of getting a picture. Hope its readable...
He isn't an idiot. Just not real good at finding, and by proxy hiding things. I found my engagement ring a few months before he proposed because he asked me to go his drawer and get a t-shirt for him. A specific t-shirt. And walla there is the box. I didn't tell him though, because I didn't want him to feel rushed - nor did I feel prepared to deal with the "well I am not ready yet but I might be soon so I bought this" talk.
So honestly, no matter who this card is for - it's not shocking it was found. Well, it might be shocking but only because I am not an observant person at all and 9x out of 10 would never stopped to wonder "what is that little piece of white paper?".
The fact that he has a sex drive but not with you makes me worry. Adding the card to that... I would be concerned.
The card alone wouldn't worry me at all. The sex drive thing (and also how you're discussing his thoughts before he proposed to you) combined with the card makes me VERY concerned.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
***, I just read the sex drive thing.
I think you need to do some snooping, hardcore.
Snooping just makes my heart hurt.
Honestly I don't really know, lol. I have access to my H's phone and his email so I'd probably check there if I was suspicious, but I dunno what your situation is. You could try googling the numbers to see if there's anything weird, or just looking at the times- is he talking or texting late at night, etc?
I'd probably be a crappy snooper but if I had some icky suspicions I would want to research first.
If it was the card itself, I would have waited it out.
The card with the lack of sex drive would make me start a conversation with him of the "WTF" variety.
I don't have the patience in that situation to wait it out and snooping would make me crazy.
Those kinds of cards remind me of lovey dovey mushy stuff. Which is fine, but if that's not your relationship than it seems odd why he would purchase a card like that for you out of the blue.
I would generally say ask him about it, but I think you'd have to be prepared that he might tell you that the card is for you. Whether it really is or not, I'm not sure how you could know.
I would be more inclined to go w/ Mag's advice - keep snooping, which is usually something I'm against. If you have a gut feeling though - I'd trust it.
I'd wait and see. If the card comes to you, then fine. If it doesn't, and it disappears, it went somewhere, right?
I'd snoop around before asking more questions. See what you see.
I would not mention the card and see if he gives it to you. If you ask him about it, he will of course just say he was going to give it to you, even if he wasn't going to.
I would also begin snooping right away. Google the phone numbers on his cell bill (might not give you anything but it's worth a shot). If you really want to get snoopy, you can download a keylogger onto his computer to see what he is doing on the computer, and you can also install something onto his phone that will upload his text messages to a website that you can then log into. That way you can see what he is actually texting.
That is what I did when I suspected my H was up to something. I knew that without concrete evidence, he would be too good at denying it, and I was devastated and did not want to believe what was happening, so if I didn't SEE it for myself, I was afraid I would buy into his denials.
I am wondering too if there is a chance that a woman gave him the card, but because she knew he was married, she didn't sign it?
I am seriously LMAO at this
Is your H normally bad at picking out cards? Some people are.
Now, with that moment of "give him the benefit of the doubt" out of my system....
This doesn't seem right. I'd start checking things out.