Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MIL vent..
(My H is still in tech school) My H called me tonight and asked me if I planned on going to his family's Easter. Uhhh what family Easter?? I wasn't even aware they were planning an Easter get together.. Why did his Mom call HIM to see if I planned on going to their Easter..??? This is very frustrating for me because I have already made plans for Easter with my family. She wants me to change them because I should be with her family.. Well apparently I married a man who's mother believes once you are married you only have HIS family and yours no longer matters. I don't really get mad often and I am REALLY upset about this.. I don't like going to his family events without him in the first place because they don't treat me very well (I am the biggest mistake he will ever make..) but this is just like the last straw with her.. She told him to just TELL me I HAD to go because I am his wife and I HAVE to listen to him.. Am I being unreasonable with not wanting to go?
Re: MIL vent..
Your MIL should have personally called to invite you to their family Easter if she wanted you to go. Easter is five days from now, it's unreasonable of her to think you would not have plans by now.
Normally I would suggest having YH deal with it, but being that he's not home and in the interest of being the bigger person, I suggest calling your MIL and saying, "H told me that you would like me to come to your place for Easter. Gosh, you know, I wish I could but I already made plans because I didn't know you were having a get-together. I wish I'd known sooner! How about brunch next Sunday?"
Easter this year is April 8th so, this upcoming weekend! Yes this is the first I have heard of it. They always seem to inform me on the last minute on things like this and always make me look like a bad person because I don't change all my plans at the drop of a hat. My H left right before Thanksgiving for basic and we had an early dinner for him I informed his mom and grandma that they were more than welcome to come and have dinner with everyone and she all the sudden decided that she needed to do the same thing I was planning on the same day an hour before.. I was irate.. Plans always seem to end up like this with her.. It's her way or nothing.
My DH didn't say anything to her about it other than he would ask me if I wanted to go but she should be asking ME not HIM. She always tries to put him in the middle of things and I told him I'm not going to be one of those crazy wives that makes him pick between his mom or his wife but I am not going to be forced into going someplace where I am not really wanted. So I decided I wont be going and if she is that upset about not seeing me because I am part of her family now, she can drive to my house and see me.
This would be an excellent idea if being alone with her didn't make me want to go lay in the road.. Although to preserve what little civility she has toward me I suppose this would be the best option. Thanks!
Can you make any type of appearance for Easter? Even for 20-30 min later in the day? I know it's annoying and rude of her, but I would do it just to keep a little peace. More than likely, she waited until now knowing you wouldn't go just so she could gripe about you to every one else.
This.
Expecting your husband to speak up for you is not the same as demanding he choose between you and his mom.
The conversation should have gone something like this: "Son, tell Decemberrain Easter dinner will be at 1. We're excited to see her." "Mom, I think Decemberrain made plans with her family a month ago." "I don't care. We expect her at our dinner." "She made plans already, mom, but I'll tell her you send your love."
The end.
It's not a fight, it's not catty, it's not demanding.
ETA: Your MIL will continue to communicate through your husband because he doesn't do anything to stop it. If he's not willing to say, "She has other plans, so no, she will not attend," he needs to say, "She has plans already, but if you call her, she may be able to stop by your house for a while."
I agree with Ojo. She will continue this until he puts a stop to it. What's she going to do when he's deployed?
Her house is a two hour drive from my house and a three and a half hour drive from where my family Easter is, so I don't see just stopping by as an option. I called her and told her H had informed me about their Easter plans and I couldn't make it. I told her I'd be more than happy to stop by Saturday and spend some time with her and her boyfriend maybe have dinner or just hang out and talk, She said she would be far too busy cooking I told her I'd love to help she said she'd rather cook alone. I offered to come have lunch with her during or after work, she's too tired after work. I say okay why not next weekend we can meet up for dinner on Saturday, she "does laundry on Saturday".. yep I give up!!
I talked to my H about the entire thing and he said he would try and work on it. Honestly I can't wait to be half the world away from her.. I tried for so long to be the daughter-in-law she wanted but I guess I just can't..