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contacting DH's boss
I don't know where else to post / ask this.
I'm planning a surprise party for DH in April.
I am planning to contact his boss to invite her. I've never met her. Although a bit awkward, I am comfortable doing so.
What I need advice from you about is asking her if he can have that Monday off. His whole family is flying in from around the country. They have asked me to make sure he has Monday off to spend with them. Is this OK? He works for the U.S. government if that matters. Am I overstepping my bounds? Is this weird? How would you react if your DH called your boss? Would you do this? Have you ever done it? If you are a boss, how would you feel if you received such a request? FWIW, I'm a boss & would think it was cute / loving. I do not want to get DH or his boss in trouble. 
Dilemmas Dilemmas Dilemmas . . . .
Re: contacting DH's boss
Please don't contact his boss.
I'd be livid if my H called my boss and asked for time off on my behalf and I'm sure he'd feel the same.
I know you want it to be a surprise, but he's a grown man who needs to submit his own vacation request.
Can you just ask YH to take a day off together and play hooky?
We've actually done this, so it isn't unreasonable. Don't contact his boss.
I wouldn't contact his boss.
And old coworker of mine, her husband did this and I thought it was so weird.
It puts the boss in a really awkward position.
I wouldn't contact his boss.
An old coworker of mine, her husband did this and I thought it was so weird.
It puts the boss in a really awkward position.
This isn't a big enough surprise to warrant you calling his boss. I know to you it might be, but really... if it's right around his b-day, he's a grown adult and can handle knowing that "something" is going on.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
DawnMarie brings up a good point - he could have something important that can't be rescheduled that you don't know about. I have a very important monthly meeting - the one time I've missed it in five years was when I was at my grandfather's funeral.
Were I to ask to take vacation and miss the meeting, or even worse, if my DH were to ask (which I honestly just can't imagine) it would be VERY career-damaging. And denied.
Wow. I'm re-posting from my original post but obviously it seems that I am one of the few who 1) is comfortable with my DH's manager to do this, 2) his manager is comfortable enough with me to help me, and 3) my DH was cool with me contacting his manager. I have to emphasize - it REALLY depends on the relationship you have with your DH's colleagues and managers - because I know if it was another senior administrator that he works with (but who is not his manager), I wouldn't have even asked.
The original response:
I didn't have any issues contacting his manager - but I know her, she knows me, and we've spent time outside of work socializing. (Plus her e-mail is on an online directory, so it was easy to get) I think it really depends on how well you know his boss and if you think that they would be okay with you contacting them out of the blue. After the whole cover was blown, I asked DH if he was upset about me contacting her and he said no, he was fine with it.
For me, if my DH contacted my manager, I think my manager would think it odd (because he's never met her, much less spent any time with her) and our company contact information is not open to the public. Would I be mad? No.
In a nutshell, it really depends on how well you know them and vice versa.
I agree with this 100% My dad worked for the same company for 25 years, and routinely held social hours for his colleagues at our house. My mom surprised him with an anniversary trip 8 years ago, and called his boss to ask which week out of a range of 3 months would be the most feasible to have my dad out of the office for. Boss approved the leave, shuffled a few projects to his coworkers (with dad none the wiser) and mom told him at dinner the night before the trip that they were leaving the next morning.
I do truly believe it depends on the work culture and how well you know your spouse's organization.
TTC #1 since 10.2011
I'm going to go against the majority here. I think it's a fine thing to do. Actually, my husband did the same for me two years ago. He hadn't met my boss, but he knew a lot about her and knew she was a great boss. He sent her an email telling her he wanted to take me away for a surprise long weekend for my birthday, and asked if it would be okay if I took a Friday and Monday off, even though I wouldn't know it. I thought it was incredibly sweet, and my boss loved that she got to be a co-conspirator.
As long as you know he has the vacation time available and you're sure he has a good relationship with his boss, I think it's fine. Call her or email and be sure to have a sort of, "only if it's okay with you and I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds" tone. I think you'll be fine.
I was actually taken aback by how strongly many you felt that contacting the boss was a bad thing to do but my gut kept telling me it was OK. I spoke to several employment lawyers, headhunters & coaches I know IRL all of whom thought it was a lovely idea.
Today I called DH"s boss. She was delightful. I invited her to the party, which she will be attending. She was so happy I thought to ask her.
Then I told her that the whole family was coming & I asked if it was possible for her to help me get DH the day off. She thought this was a marvelous idea. She gave him the day off right there. When I told her she could tell him at the party that he had the day off, she was thrilled saying "Great! At least I know he'll like what I goit him."
I suspect it's all in how you ask. I would never call & ask for time off under other circumstances b/c that would undermine an employer's confidence in their worker but given the uniqueness of this situation, I'm glad I went with my gut. FWIW, I specically said that if he had important meetings that day to forget I asked. [DH doesn't have that kind of job -- with meetings -- so I didn't think it was going to be an issue & it wasn't]
Thank you all though for making me stop & think about the other side.
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