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I had to put my dog down today... just looking for advice.
It's been a very very long battle for my puggie. He was 12. Cancer at 4, 3 surgeries and chemo later. Stroke at 9, left him partially blind with a permanent head tilt. Then in the past 2 years we moved to dementia (getting stuck in corners, pacing, etc), bad arthritis in his hips, unexplained weight loss, full bloodwork panel that came back with more cancer, anemic, an abcess on his back that literally came out of nowhere and burst last week leaving a gaping hole on his back, and multiple (3) ear infections in the past 2 months (antibiotics would take them away, and they would come right back)... the list just goes on. I've been giving him arthritis meds, hand feeding him to try and get weight on, doing anything and everything I possibly could. Last night he had a very very bad night. Pacing the floors, he peed on the floor a few times out of nowhere, he fell 3 or 4 times. I was up until 4am holding him and trying to get him comfortable. I finally got him asleep, or so I thought. DH took him out to pee at 5am before work, and between then, and when I woke up at 8am he had fallen. He couldn't stand, and he was very delerious. I took him to an emergency vet - sadly my vet is OOT for the weekend and referred to me to a new clinic. I knew what I had to do. The vet there evaluated him and told me what I needed to hear. That it was time. It's the hardest thing i've had to go through in that aspect. I've had him 12 years, he was my very first baby. He's been deteriorating over the past year and a half or two years... and especially in the past 3 months. I tried to prepare myself, but it's just something you can never ever prepare yourself for.
The advice I am looking for... is this awful feeling of guilt, sadness... how long does it last? I miss him like mad. It doesn't help that i'm 9 months pregnant and my hormones are just off the charts. I just feel like time has stopped and I won't ever get over this sadness, that the pit in the bottom of my stomach will be there forever. I sit here and see his dog bed, I think I feel him brush by my foot... I haven't slept in probably 6 months with his dementia, I would wake up and try and hold him/pull him out of corners, and I would hear his nails clicking on my hardwood floors all night and wouldn't be able to sleep so I woudl sit awake with him. Now tonight... it's quiet. I still don't think I can sleep. I will wake up to see him and he won't be there. I know it's only day 1... but how do you pick yourself up and go on?
DS - 7.2006 - C-Section b/c Breech
DS2 - 4.2008 - Successful Vbac
DD - 5.2012 - Successful Vbac
Re: I had to put my dog down today... just looking for advice.
You pick yourself up and go on because you have to. It's so hard at first, but time does heal... just slowly. Be patient, there are a lot of tears yet to be shed, but one day you'll realize you made it a day without crying, then sometime later, you'll make it two days.
Everyone heals differently, but the hurt is the same so my sympathies are with you. I had to put my 11 year old baby (Kitty) down in November and it still hurts so much, but it's better. I miss him like crazy and there are still days where I cry, and still times where my heart aches so much that it literally hurts, but it's getting better.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
It always feels difficult and as an owner, I've felt guilty. But remember, he is not suffering now. It is a gift we can give our pets. He knows you love him and did everything possible. You're a great pet mommy going through this with him and for him!
It will take time, just like with any loss. Do a memorial. Take a peaceful walk along his favorite route. DH's parents released a clipping of their dog's hair into the lake he loved to swim. And keep busy. Especially with LO coming, you will!
Remember, you are a good pet mommy and your furbaby knew it! ((hugs))
First, I am so sorry. I have been there and we are heading there again soon I am afraid. It gets better with time but the hole is always there it just gets smaller.
As for the guilt, my husband has suffered with this much more than I have. We knew for a while that the time was coming, but he feels guilty that we waited too long; that we kept her because we couldn't bear to give her up. I don't think we did.. We even switched vets because he couldn't go back. He still feels bad and it has been over a year but it has gotten better.
Again I am so sorry for your loss, lots of hugs to you.
His spirit will always be with you, and he is near you now, trying to comfort you. What an awesome family he had. Please don't feel guilty. I know how hard it is, but you made the most kind and selfless decision even though it broke your heart to do it. He knows how much you love him.
You will miss him forever, because he was a part of your life for 12 years, but for me, within a few months the pain was less raw. Everyone is different- for me it took about 6 months before thinking of our dog didn't make me really sad.
I am so very sorry for your loss. RIP sweet boy.