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temper tantrum (not who you think), vent, kinda long
I am not sure where to start. My MIL has been trying to control my DH and I since right around the wedding. Took a vacation instead of coming to our shower (when she was only an hour away) and then got mad when I didn't go to her shower. Wanted the wording changed on our invitations to the wedding. There was lots of fighting with his parents and mine in preparing for the wedding, during the wedding and even after. Once I got pregnant I sent a nice email to both sets of parents asking them to have a sit down so we could all talk and maybe have a civil relationship when DD was born. She refused. there have been many more situations with MIL that has spawned her to throw temper tantrums and say they are not getting their way, pity party thrown for herself and of course talking poop about me to the rest of the family of how I am keeping her from her GC. She sees DD once a month if that. We will call to schedule something like we did last week and they called the day before and cancel cause they have a dinner party to go to (we can see the priority level here) and then texts DH yesterday asking to watch DD on Sunday (it's friday) we both work weekends so it would be rather irresponsible to not have a sitter for Easter Sunday if we are working. We invited them to come over tonight instead before Mass and she was upset that it was so last minute. (um they canceled the day before due to a dinner party and then asked to babysit two days before.........last minute?) Whats to say she wouldnt have called today to cancel.
After all we have been through it is hard not to relive the past when she starts up again and trust me there is much, much, much more that is involved this is just a teeny tiny piece. I am fed up and want to tell them that they need to get their priorities straight. I don't want them watching DD I don't trust them, MIL told DH she was keeping a journal of all the things that "we have done to her" so she can tell DD someday and then there is the fact that when they go anywhere near DD she cries uncontrollably......why would I leave her in that situation?
Thoughts, advice?? Thank you
Re: temper tantrum (not who you think), vent, kinda long
There is one huge thing missing from this story. What is you H doing about this?
What is his reaction to all of it?
Oh sorry, well DH is back and forth which I hate to say but, he is. Yesterday he was aggravated and said whatever to her outburst (since she calls him at work to yell at him) and then a little time will go by and they will call or email or text or he will get a call from another family member about how sad his parents are and he will forgot all that has happened and go back for more. Last time we had a sit down with them he said he needed a drink before they came over. I wasn't a fan but said fine and he ended up smashed and I had to deal with them myself cause he was babbling like a moron. His mother is that hard to deal with that he needs to have a drink before talking to her (we have bigger issues I know but she is a part of the bigger issue). We are a great happy family when she is not involved, there I said it cause its the truth. How do I get through to him so he sees it? I have tried many ways and it doesn't work.
I get that these are his parents we are discussing but if my rents were doing this they would have been told and I have had to tell them things in the past and I have no issue doing it.
Your MIL is rude and obnoxious.
But the problem is on your H's shoulders. You should just step back and say "Honey, she is your mother. I am not going to put forth any further effort to get together with her because it doesn't seem to matter to her. If you want to have a relationship with her, you can plan and arrange things. I am done."
Then MIL will crap on him instead of you. It might cause your H to realize that she is cruel and manipulative and he might cut her off.
This, especially the bolded part. I don't care who it is, if somebody is essentially writing a "Why Your Mommy Is Total Douchebag" book to show my kid someday, they're never getting the chance to see my kid to show them. Period.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
Tel her to mark down in her book of lies than on April 7, 2012 was the last time she had contact with my GD. I don't know who is answering her calls or emails, but it sure the hell would not be me responding. Your DH should have handled them drunk or not and next time he leaves you to the wolf then you take your DD leave.
I wouldn't worry too much about her ever showing your DD the book since by that time your child will be smart enough to know her GM is BSC.
Please, stop giving your DH a pass on handling her. Regardless if he is a great guy he is not stepping up on this matter. Perhaps, he can start his own journal on how many times his mother was psycho. I'd leave it out so she could see it. You can back date some of the stuff, too. Since you want it to be accurate.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I wish I had good advice for you. I don't. Sadly, you can't choose who you're related to. This is your husband's mother and the grandmother of your child. You don't have to be involved w/ her, and it's important to set boundaries. I think having a sit-down with your DH and explaining to him how he already has a strained relationship w/ her, and will have one w/ you if you guys don't set some definite boundaries may make the situation a bit more clear for him. He needs to know that your relationship and family is still relatively young and this is his chance for a fresh start.
Other than that-- **Cyberhug**. I'm sorry