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@ Easter mass/service w/ kids question
DD never sits with us at service and always goes straight to the nursery. It's a huge room and she loves it there (has a full play kitchen and doll baby area). She's also really loud and does not ever sit still and quietly on demand so there is no way we'd chance trying to have her sit with us.
The last few services I've seen "new" families with kids similar to DDs age who all sit in the pew. The kids are actually fine (I'm jealous) or at least as fine as you can ask of a 2-4 year old.
I know that other churches do not do nurseries in their buildings - I *think* Catholic churches are one of them. And i think there are a good amount of Catholic people in our area.
It seemed odd to me that people who don't seem to attend a service often (guessing) were so ready to try to have them sit with them through an hour-long service. Is my view just tainted because DD is so *unique* with being disruptive? Or could it be that they are not used to the nursery thing because they are used to non-nursery churches?
Would you opt to not try the nursery if you were visiting a new church? Does it depend on the kid? 50% of the reason I choose this church is because the kid care is so awesome - for realz. 
Re: @ Easter mass/service w/ kids question
In my experience, most parents these days are so anal about who watches their kids that they won't even stick them in the church nursery. In fact, the majority of parents who come to the last few churches I've been to say that they've never left their kids with anyone.
And yes, I realize that whole paragraph made me sound old but I've been in church since I was short and only in the last five years or so have I noticed this trend.
I think it's great that you send little miss to the nursery. Frankly, I think it's silly to keep them in church at that age as what are they getting out of it?
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The Catholic church I grew up with had a nursery. My current one does not but the kids leave for a kids service (but this is only the older kids not the itty bitty ones). That being said, in my current choice it is perfectly acceptable for kids to be loud. There are a TON babies and toddlers and they cry and babble and what not and no one seems to care. That being said, my church is super informal and today had all the kids sit on the alters (sans parents) so that there would be more room in the pews (we were at standing room only and running out of that).
I do know a lot of people who say they won't let their kids go to the church nursery for
Our kids will always go with us. Church is a family gathering and they need to learn young how to behave and what church is about. There isn't an age where they will just magically start to be quiet and still for an hour. Yes, I sometimes have to take benjamin out for a few minutes, but it's just like going out to eat. You misbehave, we step out, regroup and try again.
Also kids start to understand things before we realize so he will start understanding what is going on before too long.
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My kids would probably last through an hour service (1 for sure, maybe not the other 1), but my church services are longer than that so I always put them in the nursery or we sit in the crying room. If I were visiting a church, I don't know if I would leave them in the nursery. If I knew people who went to that church and used the nursery, then I probably would. Otherwise I'd probably risk it and sit with them, esp for just an hour long service. I'm a SAHM. I use any opportunity to have free childcare.
I grew up Catholic and never heard of a church nursery until I was an adult. Our (non-Catholic) church now does have a nursery, but DD has always sat with us. Like PP said, I consider church to be a family time. I would be very unlikely to use a nursery at a church I'd only attended once or twice, but the whole concept is kind of foreign to me anyway.
100% this. If I am going to church, my kids are going too. If you don't ever bring them into mass, they will never learn to behave during mass.
Some people really don't know how their kids will behave or how loud the service might get.
My family went to church three times a week while I was growing up and I was always in the service. They never took me out to the nursery or playroom or whatever it is as you get older, and I'm told it was because they always wanted me to know how exactly I was expected to behave in church. If I couldn't concentrate, I was to sit and read or color or lie down and be quiet. With DS, I am very different, and I don't know if we have different temperments (doubtful) but I would rather him play with other kids than have to sit and be quiet in the pew. We tried to keep him in the service with us for a while, but it was kind of a failure. No one was paying any attention.
I've never heard of a church nursery, so if I were bringing the kids to church I would assume they were sitting through mass/service with me.
The Catholic church I (used to) attend had over 10,000 parishoners and 8 weekly masses, so I can't imagine the logistics of setting up a nursery there, although I guess it would work for a small parish.
If we attended church regularly and it was a small community so we knew who was working in the nursery I'd send the kids, but definitely not my first time visiting a new parish. As it stands we stopped going to church for other reasons, but considered going this morning and decided against it because we knew we'd have to leave 10 minutes in when our kids acted up (the younger one mostly).
My Catholic parish now does not have a nursery, but it does have a children's mass as well as a crying room. I really appreciate when parents use the crying room if needed so as not to disrupt mass.
The Catholic church I attended growing up didn't have a nursery, I think, but they did have a "cry room" where parents could sit with their children when the children were disruptive. You could see into the sanctuary and there was a t.v. to watch the mass on. A different Catholic church I went to as a teen had a nursery similar to the one you described. The one I attend now is so small there isn't anywhere but literally outside. The kids are just noisy and there isn't anything that can be done about it.
I'm all for families participating in worship together but I know some kids are just impossible. I was one of those impossible children and I wouldn't wish a child like me on any parish/church. It's disruptive to other attendees and sometimes a kid cannot be controlled.
That being said, there's a difference between a colicky baby, a fidgety toddler, and a 10 year old who is an attention whore. At some point, children need to be taught to behave. I'll take it a step further and say that if you just give your kid a Nintendo DS and some crackers, that doesn't count as teaching them to behave.
It's freaking exhausting, though.
I only go on c&e so take this FWIW, but I've never been to a Catholic church with a nursery, and only one with a cry room.
Think of it this way, until recently, the Catholic church was full of BIG families. Getting children, and lots of them, to sit quietly is lesson #1 of Catholic parenthood. My mom tells stories of her and her brothers and sisters fooling around in church, but when Grandpa snapped his fingers that was it. Of course they were a little older.
I will say its rare to get through a whole mass, at least on c&e, without hearing a few babies cry. Today we had two girls behind us, maybe 4&6. We were in the overflow hall, so when the young one was told to be quiet because "we're in church", she said, "no we're not."
In the last few years I've seen more desperate measures, like a bag of toys or books, and last Christmas I saw two iPhones at the same service.
For now, we try to plan eating and naps to maximize happy baby, but as a whole going forward it'll be an exercise in learning to be quiet. I wouldn't assume those families don't know what they're doing.
Disclaimer: I'm Catholic and I would say maybe one Catholic church I've been to (out of many) has had a nursery. And I never even went to the children's liturgy when I was younger... my parents had us sit in church for mass. Plus, I went to Catholic schools and we had to go to mass 1-2x per week and sit quietly and pay attention.
Anyway, I'm kind of hardcore about what I expect when it comes to church. I expect them to be able to go to mass and behave for about an hour. Nursery isn't an option, so it's the only way we could go.
However, today mass was 1 hour 45m long and I was for real about to throw something at the priest. My kids were awesome for the first hour/hour 15m, but by the time 10:30 rolled around (mass started at 9), they were losing their dayum minds. So instead of being able to praise them for doing so well, I spent the last half hour trying to keep them in line. It was ridiculous, and I'm still annoyed by it.
"It seemed odd to me that people who don't seem to attend a service often (guessing) were so ready to try to have them sit with them through an hour-long service. Is my view just tainted because DD is so *unique* with being disruptive? Or could it be that they are not used to the nursery thing because they are used to non-nursery churches?"
Definitely could be. I've been to one Catholic church with a crying room, but I don't think I've been to one with a nursery. (I was wondering - do you mean there's an adult in there to look after them?)
When we were very, very young, my mom and dad went to different masses so that one could stay home and take care of the babies/toddlers. After that, the motherly death stare kept us in line.
Did they give the iPhones to the kids or were they just out? H has a missal app on his iPhone because there are never enough of the books at our church (every single mass every single week utilizes the overflow seating and even that starts to fill up five minutes before the service starts). I often wonder how many people see him with his iPhone out and assume he's texting or playing a game.
Our church has sunday school during one of the services. It is great. J goes to that we go to the service and all are happy. I think other parents of older children drop kids off for Sunday school then catch a later service.
When he was much younger it was harder, especially when we were church shopping, to drop him off. He had a bit of stranger danger and it was obviously a brand new place. Now he does great and loves it. We did have him sit in church with us yesterday since it was Easter and I thought he did great. In the future we will continue to do a combo of both. It is nice as a parent to get to relax and actually listen rather than watching your kid like a hawk the whole time.
Edit: Oh but I am not catholic, I am a dirty protestant. I guess we are less concerned with making kids sit through service at a young age as all of the churches we tried out had a nursery or sunday school during service.
This.
I've never been to a Catholic church that had a nursery. Cry room? Yes. But no nursery.
I never use the cry room if I can help it. Even when he was nursing, I'd just nurse him in the pew. If he's especially squirrelly, we've gone into the hallway or cry room to let him run and burn off some steam during the homily (sorry Fr. Terry) but come back in for the Eucharistic rite. But I've never needed to retreat to the cry room because he was screaming.
B is generally very well behaved anyway, provided you have a book or two on hand. Yesterday we had his new Duck & Goose book and four plastic eggs with yogurt melts from his easter egg hunt.
Of course, the longer mass yesterday completely effed up his nap schedule, but that's another thing entirely....
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I think with Catholics it's kind of a combination of things that result in kids being in mass. For one, like Pesca said, it's just what Catholics do. It's like requirement #1 - getting kids to sit in mass for an hour each week.
But I also think it's tied to the fact that Catholic education is pretty common amongst Catholics (or at least used to be). So Catholic children go to Catholic schools and receive religious instruction every day at school (or at least I did). That leads to less of a need for Sunday school or religious instruction outside of just going to mass on Sundays. I think the next logical "instruction" step for Catholic kids is then learning to sit in mass for an hour and being a part of that facet of the Catholic faith. Plus, pre-Vatican II, kids at schools were going to mass every day. I know my mom went every day throughout grade school/middle school.
I know a nursery is different, but IME, most places that have a nursery also offer some type of Sunday school for older kids during the service.
We also don't bring much for them to do in mass, even though Scarlett is 18m. I brought two books, bunny snacks, a car and some squinky (?) toy from the McDs happy meal. Mostly they are happy to people watch and sing along w/ the music. It's funny, because this is like the one area where I am old school about parenting - you go to mass, you will behave, THE END.
This is what I am like. My boss made a good point that has stuck with me. If I can bring them out to a restaurant, I can bring them to mass. Stock up on Goldfish.
the catholic churches near me have nurseries... and seem to be LESS accepting of kids in the pews.
our Lutheran church has a play/cry room, but it's not staffed so if the kids are in there- we have to be in there with them.
our church is fine with some noise from the pews... so we do try to stay in the pews as a whole family as long as possible- but that's been hard lately b/c the twins are at that terror age of 2.5 and feed off each other badly (Griffin was great in the pews at all ages). We prefer to worship as a whole family - but yesterday I wished we had a staffed nursery- the twins were being HORRIBLE... which is why we haven't been going to church that much lately.
Our church doesn't have a nursery, but I wouldn't send my child to the nursey if we were just visiting.
Not so much about the people working in the nursery, but just about not having my kid freak out being with someone new. He's not perfect in church, but we can make it through (at our small church, he's often the kid wandering around quietly in the back).
That, and if I wasn't familiar with the customs of the visiting church, I wouldn't want to impose.
My tithes go toward helping fund a nursery, so dayum straight Nae's behind goes right in the nursery. Also, we video our services (web streaming and local tv programming), so loud kids aren't exactly what you want to hear on the video. I don't think we have top-of-the-line equipment to remove crying babies. Naomi doesn't exactly sit quietly. Taylor would sit when she was a baby, but once Nae got mobile, that thing needs to move around.
We went to church for Good Friday service (which was maybe 40 minutes long) and right as we were giving offering, Naomi started babbling. We sat on the back pew and my pastor still heard her and asked over the microphone "Naomi, what are you talking about." *shakes head*
Oh they gave them to the kids and they were watching cartoons. But thi is a good reminder that I need to STOP judging people in church. It's awful.