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salimoo
member
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Someone else yelling at your kid?
Let's see if we can get some action here.
Stolen from ML: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/64973634.aspx
OP's 4 year old nephew was being a pill to OP's husband and he was ignoring nephew. Nephew bit hard enough to draw blood. Husband yelled at kid to not bite him. OP's sister flipped out. Two people think OP and husband should have calmly informed sister of bite and let her handle it, even though she stood by and watched nephew hitting husband and didn't pipe up.
I would have had a hard time not instinctively backhanding the kid. And if my FOUR YEAR OLD bit someone for attention, please yell. Like Jens said, maybe a jarring/startling reaction is what this kid needs to know that you don't foffing bite people.
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
Re: Someone else yelling at your kid?
Ditto. Especially at a family gathering; in my family and my H's, it's pretty much understood that everyone keeps an eye on whatever kids are nearby. I would be shocked if my kid bit someone and wasn't immediately chastised by any adult who saw it happen.
ETA: I didn't notice at first that OP's H was the one who was bitten. That makes me side-eye the sister's reaction even more. Of course someone who was just bitten hard enough to draw blood is going to raise his voice.
I'm puzzled that the poster thinks it's ok to yell to protect the kid or other kids, but because the kid attacked you, you're just supposed to calmly tell his mother, who has so far failed to teach the kid hitting and biting is wrong, say have a nice day, and go off to disinfect your wound.
I also tend to agree with Rosen. If you are relying on the group to watch your kid, the group gets to stop bad behavior.
I think the sister made a poor choice to respond like a hot head in front of her child and seemed to miss any opportunity to address the child directly. She was so focused on being angry at the adult, that the child got missed. Then, she seemed to storm off and continue to ignore the child. All the child saw was a big blow-up by his mom and received no re-inforcement about propper/impropper behavior from her.
Even if she didn't like the "loud voice", dealing with an adult could have waited - she should have addressed the child immediately.
If my sister called me the next day to "give me an earful" I wouldn't take any more yelling. That's nonsense. I would put her on the spot and bluntly ask "what do you want us to do when he hits or bites?" and make her answer or get off the phone. I might be a little sympathetic if she's been frustrated by parenting a biter, but only if she was nice and not defensive.
This is generally how it works with our family too. I will say, I had a hard time yesterday because one of Zane's cousins does not discipline their kid at all. Adults would constantly be telling him "Don't do X...Y...Z" and he would do it anyway. I wanted to say "Did you not hear your mother? Don't do that?" in my best mom voice because they never get stern with him. It's always "oh sweetie honey pudding pop, please don't do that" and then they just ignore when he does it anyway.
Yeah, H did nothing wrong. I agree with everything Rosen said.
I would be super pissed if I were that husband. Hitting and biting should never be tolerated in children. Obviously, you take the age of the child into account when determining how to deal with it, but it still must be addressed in some way. Every time Andy has done it, we always use that as a teaching moment.
For the mom to get pissed that the guy said "No! Don't do that!" or whatever, I think that is unacceptable. His reaction was perfectly reasonable. Especially if it was hard enough to draw blood.
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I'd like to know how someone would hold back that instant reaction to a bite anyway. Ethan had his head on my shoulder and randomly bit my collarbone last week. My instant reaction was to loudly say "OUCH. NO. DO NOT BITE" which resulted in crocodile tears because mommy scared him. It's not how I would have handled it with premeditation, but it hurt and that was my reaction.
i yelled at the top of my lungs and very sternly at my 3 y/o nephew yesterday for whipping out his peen and peeing straight into my mom's pool.
my sister and her husband didn't blink an eye.
BUT! i'm not a yeller.
my little sister snaps and yells at all of our kids all the time, so i sometimes give her a look and a "really?" and then later when the kids talk about auntie ali they're all "why does she always yell?" and then we laugh.
I'm generally of the opinion that if the parent is present, it's not my place to correct their child unless someone is being physically harmed. Hence, my internal struggle to be quiet as cousin's child did whatever he pleased (including smacking his own father).
I was thinking along the lines of Wendy as well -- when it comes to dangerous and harmful behavior I would say something to another child, and I would expect someone to say something to my child.
My father, though, has a habit that I noticed with my nieces -- he admonishes them in my sister's presence for things like how they hold their forks or whether they have their elbows on the table. Elbows on the table is a big no-no to my parents, but it grates me when my father corrects them in their own home, in the presence of their parents. I don't say anything because it's my sister's battle to fight, but we parent Ian in a different way than my mom and dad parented us and he can sometimes lurk close to the line of over-stepping boundaries.
I've definitely raised my voice at other people's kids (since there seems to be a distinction between yelling and LOUD NOISES) in similar situations. It's a natural reaction to be startled by being bit, etc.
OPs sister sounds like a drama llama.
Yeah, I'm pretty much with Rosen.
In a lot of situations, I'm not going to yell at a stranger's kid (notable exceptions being if they're in danger or something like that). But my brother's kid I'd definitely feel okay letting them know what's up. I don't think that families disc
Also, if a kid bites me and draws blood, all bets are off.
I typed this up like half an hour ago so....
Edit: and obviously I forgot I was in the middle of a sentence!
I was agreeing with what Kay was going to say in the FUTURE. I don't really like the idea of becoming the regular disciplinarian for my families' kids. Like for being a little too rambunctious or talking too much or whatever. But put themselves or other kids in danger. Or freaking bite me or an animal, and I'm going to yell.
we all fall down sometimes
brass and ballet flats
Well we all know I am speaking with the pomposity of a one child perspective here (eyeroll) but 4??? biting someone at FOUR?
This is how I feel. I certainly wouldn't yell at someone's kids for putting elbows on the table. But, you bite me and draw blood, yelling is most certainly going to happen.
I've yelled at kids in front of their parents for throwing dirt and wood chips in Ethan's face when he was 2 and they were 4/5/6/.
Ditto.
Considering some "parents" don't seem to have any form of reprimanding their children - sometimes its called for and necessary. If a kid, regardless of age or who it belonged to, bit me then it would be my natural reaction to knock the fire out of it. Its anyone's natural reaction to stop pain. I seriously would have yelled at the sister too after she flipped out on me. I have been known to hold down children for doing similar things... because I have a great ability to ignore, I'm just sayin
Hi All,
I totally agree with the Husbands reaction, infact i'm surprised that all he did was raise his voice, i live in a country which does not spare the rod and spoil the child when necessary, just as the bible says and where children are raised by a community (neighbours, teachers, extended family, friends etc) not just the parents. Children need bounderies and they will push those bounderies as far as they can just to test the parents. In todays world too many parents treat their children like demi-gods, spoiling them rotten, not correcting them when they clearly go wrong (just like what the OP's sister did flipping out on the wrong person) not teaching them right and wrong and teaching them to respect their elders especially their parents which is the biggest commandment in the bible, one with a consequence, if these children do not learn from their parents or the community who will they learn from. If we turn a blind eye to the wrong doings of a child when they are 2, 3, 4 when they need it the most when they grow up and keep doing the wrong thing who's fault is it, ALL of us who turned a blind eye. Granted not everyone is confortable raising their voice to someone elses child, but you surely can take minute to tell their parent to correct a certain behaviour you have witnessed happen.
L
It really still amazes me that there are people out there who go through pages of threads until they find something they can reply to. Then they read the OP, ignore all other posts and dates and give their own advice and then usually never check back.
Thank you so much advice givers! What would we all do without you?
"If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it. Don't be mad when you see a knit cap won it. If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it."- Fenton