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What do you ladies think?
Hello ladies,
1st I'd like to say hello. I have been lurking for a while now, and I need to know from married couples what you guys think.
My FI and I have never had sex before. We are Christians and believe in keeping ourselves till marriage. However I lost my virginity when I was 18yrs old, but I have not had sex in 5 years since we have been together. We have a amazing connection. I love him so much and I know that he loves me too. FI has never had sex before which leaves me with a few worries:
1. Have I ruined myself? Will he enjoy sex with me.
2. Will I enjoy sex with him. Will he have a natural sense of what to do?
I'm just concerned that sex would add problems to our relationship. We are extremely sexual attracted to one another. Do you think that enough to get us started. Wedding isn't till next year, do to FI finishing up with his doctrine. But I have to admit I feel like it's coming so fast and i'm nervous!!!
P.S. FI knows that i'm not a virgin.
Re: What do you ladies think?
Oh honey.
I bet her FUPA's name is Shane, like the gunslinger/drifter of literature.--HappyTummy
Honestly, no. There's a certain natural rhythm/response, but the first times are clumsy and awkward. A lot of it is learned technique, especially sicne everyone likes different things.
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
Do you have any recommendations on what we/I can do to may it an enjoyable night?
It makes me sad you think this way.
You won't know until you try it a few times. Unfortunately for you guys, that won't happen until after you're married. You won't know if you are sexually compatible until then. The best you can do is make sure that you're both willing to compromise so that you both feel fulfilled when you do have sex together.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
Luckily for me I'm Jewish and we believe in doing it as much as possible with everyone we meet before we get married.
I'm not sure what you mean here...... are you saying that if sex is a problem now then it will still be a problem later?
If so, I just want to say that sex it not a problem just a worry. More nerves than anything. I worried that I/he won't be happy with our sex life.
As a married couple or just a couple did any of you ladies have to work on sex to enjoy it?
Yeah, I'm saying that putting it off is just delaying the adjustment. Whether you have sex now or after the wedding, you're still going to have to get used to incorporating it into your dynamic and figure out what each other likes, just like everyone else does at some point in their relationship.
More than likely, it'll be fine. I'm a little concerned about you feeling ruined, though. Do you think your FI sees you that way, or does he see you as a person whose experiences have made her who she is? I'd hate for you to feel like you always had to compensate for taking something away from him, even if you know you didn't really take anything away from him at all.
This was meant for background information, not to offend. Sorry if I did.
Ummmm, I have never really thought of it that way. He has never really said anything about it. I guess it's just something I have branded myself with. Thank you for your point of view.
Having not had sex with my H before marriage, my best advice to have long, explicit discussions about what turns each of you on, what you like and don't like, what you fantasize about. Those are generally the things that make people sexually compatible; otherwise, tab a fits slot b. Assuming that you have good communication, are both willing to ask for what you want and like, and both open to taking advice on what is and isn't working, I don't think this is something to be worried about.
ETA: Yeah, you need to clear your brain of the idea that sex is dirty or any way ruinous. That's not helpful.
Thanks to the last two ladies who posted, you ladies are very helpful
Fallingagain, was there any nerves? I think that's what's getting the best of me at this point. But i'm a jittery person. Always!!! He tells me all the time the things he wants to do. But no real details. But I think your right a conversation would really put me at ease. Thank you so much!!!
"If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it. Don't be mad when you see a knit cap won it. If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it."- Fenton
You're definitely not ruined. I lost my V-card as a teen and I only regret it now at the stand point of having made a mature decision when I wasn't mature enough to handle it, but I don't think of myself as ruined.
Maybe talking about your concerns with your FI would help? So that he knows that you're nervous and you may discover that he is too, but didn't want to tell you.
Try that.
Relax and don't over think it. Remember your wedding night is just one night and you have the rest of your lives to get really good at sex.
Just an update ladies. We talked last night and plan on continuing tonight, and I feel a lot better. One of you ladies said that I should stop thinking of sex as wrong or dirty. You hit it right on the head. FI said the same thing. He was very open to addressing my concerns. I'm sure everything will be fine. Thank you all, you were very helpful to me.
I think when talking about what you like or what turns you on, you should also talk about the expectations of how often you'll do it. I'm sure that will change once you get into practice and will ebb and flow over time, but the first few weeks, if he's expecting it daily and you're expecting once a week, that could cause a lot of tension. Having some kind of similar expectations in the beginning will help.
In short, communicate about everything and you'll be fine.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse