Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Question about having an orgasm during sex...
I cannot have one from sex alone so I use my hand to help, does anyone else do this?
Re: Question about having an orgasm during sex...
I never have either. I need the help so you're not alone at all.
Wait, what? You just masturbate after he actually gets off from sex?
My eyebrows go higher each time I read something you post here. Your guy has to be about the worst lover in the history of sex.
I don't see what's so weird about caring about his pleasure and being happy with my body the way it is. A good lover is not defined by an orgasm every time. I am more than happy with our sex life.
Why isn't HE using the vibrator on you? Hell, why aren't the two of you using it on your clitoris during sex? A good lover is more than just someone who gives you an orgasm every time because that's a rock-bottom, bare minimum standard for an acceptable lover. It's great and all that you care about his pleasure, but what is he doing for yours other than pumping away at you like you're some blow-up doll, while you just masturbate later?
You're trying to be happy with moldy breadcrumbs when there's cake out there waiting.
He's not a great lover because you're not allowing him to be.
You know that you can use a vibrator DURING sex, right? He can manipulate it before entry. You can manipulate it after insertion. Get creative.
Even if you are worried about his pleasure above your own, you should try it. I bet he enjoys sex with you even more after you've o'd.
No, I can't. I know my body better than you two. I told you I have issues with orgasm that I've been dealing with for a long time. You think I haven't tried everything? I can't orgasm with him in me unless he is completely motionless, and even then it is much harder and not a very good orgasm. He has used the vibrator on me before, but I prefer doing it myself while he helps me along by focusing on the rest of my body. He has tried everything you say he should and more. He goes above and beyond my expectations when it comes to my pleasure, but some things just aren't physically possible for me. I've come to terms with it, so why must you keep insisting the man who loves me and does everything he can is a crappy lover? Would you like a detailed account of all the things the two of us have tried and all the things he's done or will you just take my word for it?
Edit: And he's not just "pumping away at me." I told you sex is fantastic and satisfying. Just because there's no orgasm doesn't mean he doesn't make sure that I'm still enjoying myself. Sometimes, I don't even masturbate afterwards unless he insists I have an orgasm because I'm so satisfied.
You're missing my point entirely.
I'm a part-time lurker on this site, but I can actually identify with what this poster is saying. I have a difficult time having an orgasm if there is penetration. We prefer to take care of my business before, then H can take care of his buisness after I've had an orgasm. He does help with the process though, and sometimes I simply don't want to orgasm... Sex is seriously satisfying without me always having an orgasm. And we have tried stimulation during sex. For me, sometimes it works, and sometimes it just won't happen.
On another note, my husband doesn't always orgasm when we have sex either. Usually, if he's already had an orgasm from masturbation or sex relatively soon before we have sex, he won't have one because he already has. But he will still help me have an orgasm and we will still have sex. He just won't finish. The first few times this happened, I didn't understand it. But he assured me that this is something he wanted to do, and for him, it's not always about finishing either (usually it is, but not always).
I know, crazy. But that's our story.
It's a hand (or vibrator) on the clitoris during sex. It's awesome.
Chloeagh, yeah, you are missing my point entirely. It's not a generalization about men's libidos, but a statement on the social inequality that regards a woman's orgasm during sex as optional and hard to come by and a man's orgasm as a certainty that should be sufficiently satisfying for the woman. It has nothing to do with anatomy or differences in female bodies (which excuse, by the way, is complete bs - men's bodies are as different as ours are, and you never see men having trouble orgasming or accepting that it's "difficult" for them to do so, because they're not conditioned to expect this and think of it as normal and acceptable); it's about how we see sex and pleasure, and how we live in and experience our bodies.
I have before. I prefer to use a bullet vibrator. like this one, http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/vibrators/bullet-eggs/sp-adam-eve-vibrating-silver-bullet-76563.aspx
Set it against your clitoris during sex and let it do all the work. It's great.