Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Speaking of children...
I was wondering what you ladies think about this...
A dear friend is pregnant with her first baby girl. A while ago I went to visit her and as we were talking about how she was preparing for the big arrival and whatnot, she mentioned not being too sure if she was going to breastfeed. The reason being that she doesn't want to have her breasts "ruined"...!? I was caught a bit off guard so I inadvertently said the first thing that popped into my mind, which was "but that's what they're for!" I said it very genuinely, we have a great long-time relationship so she wasn't offended or anything, but I'm still shocked that she would put aesthetics before her child. Also, before this episode she once told me that she wants to have a C-section because she heard that after birth your you-know-what could not go back to normal. Now, I don't know what kind of books she's been reading, but I find these comments to be absurd!
Am I wrong?
Re: Speaking of children...
From what I have heard your boobs tend to shrink some after BF. I haven't found out yet as I am still nursing. I don't have much to begin with so we will see....but personally I don't care. It has been great for us (and still is). Being able just pop your baby on the breast when needed and not having to fuss with bottles and cleaning them was great in my opinion (and FREE!) but I guess some people are just not comfortable with that. I suppose if I was that worried about the after effects on my boobs I could always get a boob job (but I won't but I guess plenty of people do that). I must say that I lost weight very quickly while BF and in fact I had a hard time for the first few months to keep my weight up (I know, bad problem to have). But from what I have read on the bump that isn't necessarily a given either.
The C-section thing in my mind is just crazy but then again I don't like anyone cutting into my body if it isn't necessary. Plus more often than not your recovery is harder (obviously there are people that have a very tough vaginal birth but overal recovery from a vaginal birth is a bit easier. My friend's (MD) DIL had an elective C-section and she thought it was crazy that her doc would actually do that. I would imagine a C-section is typically more expensive as well so I wonder if insurances would have an issue with that.
I can't say that in my case things are too much different you-know-where, buti imagine for some people that might be the case if it was a traumatic birth with major tears.
I had an elective induction because I had a graduation to attend (provided there were no complications) because it would have really been bad if I had not gone into labor when my SD graduation was out of state (my due date was her graduation date) and dH could not be in 2 places. I know a lot of people on the bump get totally bent out of shape about elective inductions as well.
I guess there are a lot of opinions out there and people have to decide what works best for them. Of course pregnancy itself can "wreck" your body as well (you know, bad stretch marks and such). You just can't predict what will happen to your body. And I am sure people tend to hear the horror stories more often because a uncomplicated pregnancy/delivery/recovery just isn't that interesting to people although I am sure there are plenty of people that have positive stories out there.
So long story short, what fricb said.....
I heard a doctor on television say that BF doesn't "ruin" your breasts; pregnancy does. They change shape in preparation for BF whether you use them for it or not, when the milk goes away they are usually altered. But if you're pregnant, it's already too late to change that, so you might as well breastfeed! :-P
As for the other thing, it was a little TMI, but my best friend just had a baby last year and she says her husband said her down there got better after having a baby. Apparently it shrinks back down and hers shrank further than it was before.
Haha. I haven't had a baby but that did reassure me a little for when it happens...
"I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10 NKJV
I heard the same thing about pregnancy ruining breasts. I did not know that it made them less dense...If that's true, I'm gonna have some squidgy boobs after pregnancy!
As for the OP, I think you should probably hold your tongue around your friend, even if you make a valid point. I am definitely for breastfeeding, but if she is against it for whatever reason, it is her choice. She is not harming her baby and millions of mothers have given only formula to their babies without problems.
I agree that you shouldn't judge your friend, but if she brings up the subject on her own again, you could point out that pregnancy causes your boobs to grow (and thus the skin to stretch), and whether or not you BF, your boobs will most likely sag more afterwards. So if she doesn't want to BF that's her choice, but she should make the choice an informed one.
As for an elective c/s, again that's her choice, but things return to normal whether you have a vaginal birth or not. I don't know if this plays a role for her, but even after a c/s you have a 6-week no sex restriction (same as after vaginal birth) because of the risk of infection (they open your cervix during the c/s if it hasn't opened on its own to let the lochia flow out, and through the open cervix bacteria could get into the wound in the uterus and cause an infection). It's a common misconception that having a c/s means you can start having sex again as soon as you feel like it and that it won't hurt. What causes it to hurt is not necessarily the vaginal birth, although of course that can contribute if you have tearing, but the PP hormones.
Anyway, I wouldn't bring up the subject on my own, but if I were you and your friend brought it up again, then I might try to just casually throw a few facts her way, not to change her mind but just so she understands that she may not be making the choices for good reasons.
I had an instance like that with one of my pregnant friends where I blurted something out indvertently. I immediately caught myself and apologized.
It's interesting that she feels this way because, from what I understand, breastfeeding helps moms lose weight.
This. My surgeon and radiologist keep exclaiming how "dense" my breasts are. I thought it was just a nice way of saying I had really small boobs, but I suppose there's something to it. Maybe I'll get a nice rack after kids ; ).
Good point! Although sometimes I think my choices are better
I am working on that!
She seems a bit misguided on the BF issue...
Regarding the elective C, however, I'm on her team
I'm a very analytical person - I've read tons about both options - and I definitely think that a C is the right choice for me.
I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I simply do not want to take the chance - however small it may be - of extensive tearing and other damage during childbirth. Might be a 1st degree tear (fine, I could deal with this), but it also might be a 4th degree tear (worst nightmare). You won't know until it's entirely too late
The possibility of serious tearing/damage coupled with a general fear of childbirth (rational or not) have sealed the deal for me. Not for everyone, but right for me.
Thanks for all the interesting info, ladies! Naturally, it's her choice and I wouldn't brig up the subject again. It just made me think about what my thoughts would be in the same situation... the aesthetics of my breasts (or of anything else for that matter) would be the last thing on my mind, honestly. I kind of have a hard time accepting that a woman would have priorities other than her child. Of course I'm only expressing this here! Kelly makes a valid point of it needing to be a informed choice, hopefully that will be the case. In this sense it's also interesting to see that doctors don't always help with some of the pregnancy-related misconceptions. Anyways, at the end of that visit we were both saying that things might change once she meets her daughter and holds her for the first time. Not sure if it's true, I can only guess
I have 2 kids -- both C-sections and I BF'd both.
With my 1st I had a planned C-section for medical reasons, but in all honesty I was so nervous about a vaginal birth that I was sort of glad that I could have a C-section. I was given the option of a VBAC or a C-Section with #2 and I chose a repeat C.
As for BF'ing - yes, it changes your boobs. My size didn't change, but they are far less dense, so they hang down further. Similar thing happened to my step-mother after BFing 3 kids; she described them as deflated balloons. My sister, who has the same bra size as me and has also had 2 kids, but didn't not BF does not have the same droopy boobs as me. My mom, has bigger boobs than both of us, she never BF'd & she (oddly) tells us all the time how her OB marvels at her dense boobs.
FWIW, my OB said that lower density boobs are easier to scan for cancer in mammograms. Lucky me.
Our biggest sex issue post-baby was tiredness/having a child attached to me most of the time. So I guess BFing did affect that, but I'm sure I wouldn't have wanted to try sex while simultaneously bottle-feeding at 3am???
Once DD was STTN in her own space, all was good. The state of my vagina was never an issue.
Exactly! I wouldn't be thrown off by these statements if she had no choice on both instances for medical/health reasons, but this is not the case. I feel bad for having these opinions because I love her very much and would rather not "judge" her; I guess part of me is disappointed to discover a side of her I didn't know was there. Maybe deep down she's insecure and trying to protect her appearance, only, I thought a mother's instinct would be stronger than anything else. I know mine already is, and I'm pretty far from being a mother.
What frlcb said pretty much sums it up.
Oh, and my hoohaa is definintely completely different since childbirth! I don't see it ever going back to normal really. I think it was worth it to have a vaginal birth, but maybe some women don't see it that way...I'd rather have my vagina a little different than have major surgery, but again, that's just my personal opinion.
ETA: I had no tearing btw. My ladybits just feel different at the opening and secretions are completely different (maybe tmi, but just being honest -- I think you're friend may be right that some women's vaginas change completely after a vaginal birth).
look I think both issues are a personal choice that you can't judge unless you're in that person's shoes
my boobs are forever smaller and that makes me sad, but I'm glad I bf, but also that was my choice and I don't judge anyone who chooses to bottle feed, no matter what the reason
and who cares how a woman chooses to give birth? at the end of the day that's her choice - for whatever the reason - just like pain relief - in this day of age you have choice - and that's a GREAT thing