Starting Over
charitylynne_1979
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Kind of an Update
Well I talked to my aunt last night. We are very close and she has been very helpful to me. I told her what was going on financially (she's knows more about it) and the marriage. She said to find any way to get the bankruptcy done asap and get the money that H owes me for his repairs and tires. She said I have survived this long with the marriage and I should continue to do so until this whole financial thing gets taken care of. H said he is going to find out how much is in his 401k from his past job and cash it out to give to me. He also said if he gets any of his return back from his taxes he'll give it to me too. I don't know what to think. I am still confused. Right now her advice sounds logical. We also talked about our marriage and she said it wouldn't fly with her the way that things are. She said we are more like roommates than a married couple. He doesn't seem to care to see me struggling and not doing anything about it. A marriage is not about that. So I am thinking it's over after all of this is done and taken care of. I am still awaiting the arrival of that book that you all suggested.
Re: Kind of an Update
You need to talk to a lawyer before he does that. There may be a tax ramification (if it isnt done through a qdro).*
*NOT LEGAL ADVICE* TALK TO A LAWYER LICENSED TO PRACTICE IN YOUR JURISDICTION*
((Hugs)) Hang in there and like the others, I strongly suggest getting in touch with an attorney and individual counseling. I still see my weekly counselor and it has been 8 months.
Per your posts, I think you know deep inside that he isn't putting you in his best interest and wishing that he would everyday isn't enough for him to change. You have every right to feel disheartened. With time, your heart will heal. You deserve someone who takes the time to care for you. In the meantime, be selfish and take the time to care about yourself. Please be safe while you do what you need to do and hang on to family and good friends for support. Don't let anyone treat you less than what you deserve.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I have been in counseling for myself for over a year and have an appt next week - thank god!!!!
I know that I want someone who will treat me like I should be treated - someone who respects and cares about me and treats me like their other half, someone who shares experiences with and doesn't ignore me, someone who is on the same page as life as me, and someone who is there through sickness & health richer & poorer, etc. That's not what I am getting now.
I am second or third or 4th in line kids are first, computer game is 2nd, etc. I am not a priority.
My feelings and self esteem are my problem - not his he says. I could go on and on and on. I don't know why it's so hard to leave.
Because it is familiar and it is what you know. It is scary as shiit to turn your life upside down and start over. It is scary to walk away from what is comfortable, even if it is not good for you or what you want. At least you know what to expect.
If you decide to walk away, it will be very, very hard. But it also might be the best thing you have ever done for yourself. The thing is, you will never know until you do it. I have NEVER regretted my decision to leave. My friends who knew me back then and still know me now say it is like night and day. I had no clue how beaten down and unhappy I was until I made the decision to become happy if that makes sense.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I am scared as hell to walk away after all of this is settled. Scared as hell to start over too.
It feels a lot like you are jumping off the cliff. I've been there too. It is not a feeling to be afraid of.
I am seeing my lawyer tomorrow.
It is scary and it is hard, but I don't think there's a single woman on this board who was in a bad relationship and who regrets leaving. Yep, it was hell to go through at the time but we've all discovered that life can be so much better! No one says, I wish I would have stayed because it was easy and familiar. Usually, it's....I should have left waaaaay before I did!
Get into your counselor and go see your lawyer.
Hang in there and take one day at a time!