Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Husband moving out
Someone from the TIP board said I should post here. Husband of almost 3 years (been together 5+) is moving out. I know this is best and I'm done fighting about it since it was a long time coming but any advice would be great.
I'm worried about breaking the news to my family, dealing with it at work (although I'm probably changing jobs soon so I was considering just going with my maiden name from then on out), and believe it or not, I'm concerned about him. I'll be fine supporting myself but we have very different ideas about what we want out of life. The better he does without me the easier I think it will be to move on oddly enough.
Just need some anonymous support 
Re: Husband moving out
Glad you came over here (it was me who suggested you post here).
The thing that helped me with the stuff you mentioned being worried about (breaking it to family, work, etc), was to think of it like business. I had to do certain tasks and did them and that was that. Then I'd go home and cry if I needed to.
As far as how you ex will do on his own, don't worry about that. Worry about you. I worried way too much about that at the start and it was totally wasted energy.
Im sorry. Definitely start counseling even if you think you dont need it. I would defintiely try to stick with your maiden name. From personal experience, changing your name at work and getting all the "congrats on getting married" comments were extremely annoying even a year after my seperation.
This board is a great support system
Thanks. I know he will be fine. It's just difficult for me to fathom why someone would rather scrape by with no retirement or security then be responsible. But that's why we're no good together - we're just very different.
My ex is like that. That was one of the main things we fought about. We had some credit card debt from a big move and a lot of things happening at once with no emergency fund. As I got raises (notice I say "I" ... because he makes the same amount now as he did when we met 12 years ago), I wanted to put that money to pay off debt and start saving more. He didn't like that idea and wanted to "enjoy" our money. I told him we already did and it's on the credit card charging up interest. We had that fight many times.
Now, in my new life, I am much more financially stable and so much less stressed about my finances. He is living just like he was in his 20s, using the credit card whenever possible (I get calls from his creditors asking if I know where he is, because he owes them money and our names were once linked).
Oh that's such a crap spot to be in. No matter what, its awkward telling people! Hang in there, you'll get through it!
I chose not to tell work people for the most part, other than those I knew well, and just let it either get around or come up as my name changed. Its really not their business.
Thanks for the support. It's awkward everywhere - work, home (although he's busying himself most nights), and with my family.
Did anyone here do it without a lawyer? That's our plan as of now. No kids or spousal support and we've pretty much split everything up.
Hang in there. Telling people what is going on was really hard. It still is. I didn't really have to tell anyone. Once my relationship status changed on Facebook then people knew and asked questions. The first few weeks were hard, really really hard. Its gotten better and seeing a counselor really helps. Be prepared, you will have really great days when you feel like you can take on the world, and then really bad days where getting out of bed is a struggle. You'll get through this, and these folks on here are really great.