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Maid of Honor & my fiance babysitting
OK.. so.. my fiance and I met through mutual friends- he's best friends with my good friend's husband. We never crossed paths until a few years ago. They have two kids and refer to us as the pseudo "Aunt & Uncle". All that's fine and dandy. However, my maid of honor constantly asks my fiance' if he can babysit at least once a month, often so they can go party and not be home at a specific time, my fiance' spends the night. Lately it's been bugging me because I feel like they're taking advantage of Uncle by asking him first. We love their kids and don't mind babysitting once in awhile for special occasions. My fiance' just texted me and asked if we had plans on May 5, because she wants him to babysit. It's her birthday weekend. We're already meeting them in Vegas next weekend to celebrate birthdays. I begrudgingly said no because it's her birthday, we don't have plans but it's bugging me. She recently became a massage therapist and I suggested to my fiance' they should work out a barter system because he has Multiple Sclerosis and could benefit from the massages. She said no, she'd like to keep her business separate from friendship. Uh.. then how does my fiance' babysitting for free all the time work? I spoke with my fiance' about it and he said his mother had brought that up to him at one point as well- feeling like they were taking advantage of him. My problem arises once we get married, I wonder if they're going to expect him to still be having these over night babysitting adventures. He most recently babysat for the kids as few weeks ago so they can have adult time at the rennaissance festival (all day on Saturday!). I'm trying to chalk this up to well if we have kids we'll have plenty of free babysitting for date nights, but at the same time I can't help but feel annoyed every time he mentions babysitting for them. Trying to get over it.. lol
Re: Maid of Honor & my fiance babysitting
Right now, this is none of your business. As long as he is not cancelling plans with you to help them out (and it sounds like he's not, given that he is checking with you to see if you have plans before he commits to babysitting) then what he's doing is not really affecting you.
Deal with what happens when you're married when you're married and certainly don't go into having kids thinking that these people are going to be your babysitter (free or otherwise) all the time.
Babysitting their kids for free is a favor your FI is doing for his friend. Doing it expecting that they're going to pay you back in kind is likely only setting yourself up for disappointment.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
So, his mother and FI mentioned that he should be getting something for his time/effort ... but this guy hasn't mentioned that he a) doesn't want to do it, or b) wants to be compensated for it.
If he's old enough to get married, he's old enough to have an opinion about this. YOU don't like it, how does HE feel about it??
Once a month hardly seems like something to have an issue over. I have a friend who has no kids who babysits for me sometimes. She's babysitting this Friday AND Saturday because I have to work on Friday and have a baby shower on Saturday. If I offered her money she would never take it.
I don't even know why it's any of your business what she wants to do that she needs a sitter. I get someone to watch my kid if I want to go to the movies. If its someone I'm not paying do I need a better reason to go out than the movies?? That is a bizarre way of thinking. It's not like she's asking every other day or weekly or a set thing. She needs a sitter and he seems willing to do it. It's not your job to barter services.
Not to mention, if this is your maid of honor, presumably you care about her and she's your friend. Why would you begrudge her some free babysitting once in awhile. You do realize that one day out of 30-31 days really isn't a big deal, right?
And ditto what everyone else said- obviously your FI doesn't seem to mind since he keeps saying yes.
You sound crazy
I find the bolded stuff weird. Things involving her fiance are none of her business now, but will be once they are married? Huh?
That said, if you feel like your fiance is being taken advantage of, all you can do is point that out to him and let him decide how to handle it if he agrees. If he doesn't want to babysit, he doesn't have to.
I find the bolded stuff weird. Things involving her fiance are none of her business now, but will be once they are married? Huh?
That said, if you feel like your fiance is being taken advantage of, all you can do is point that out to him and let him decide how to handle it if he agrees. If he doesn't want to babysit, he doesn't have to.
He's being asked to help a friend, he's checking with her, they don't have plans, so this is how he's choosing to spend his free time. Once they're living together, I can see where that might be more of an inconvenience to her, especially if "babysitting" means watching the kid at her house. I guess that's really what I meant.
Which, in hindsight, assumes they don't live together and I guess we don't know that to be true.
I think it's odd that people are calling her crazy. She feels that her fiance is being taken advantage of, which seems to be true. She seems to want him to stand up for himself, and she's worried that this will continue after they're married. She even mentioned a good way for her friend to repay the favor, if she so chose...and the friend said, "Nah, I'm good with this arrangement." I would be a little concerned. I don't think this is a rant against her fiance, or her not "minding her own business" or something. It's natural to be concerned for someone you care for, especially if you feel like they're in a bad situation.
I think in this case, I would mention something offhand to the maid of honor about how great it'll be for them to babysit together when she and her fiance have children (provided that they want to). That sort of makes it clear that it's not meant to be a one way street, and that when she gets married, there will be other priorities. I would also express a little concern to the fiance - tell him you're worried that this situation will continue after you're married, and that it concerns you that he won't be able to say no.
Asking a friend to babysit once a month is excessive and taking advantage? Well I'm glad you're not one of my friends.
She sounds crazy because she's judging the reasons this girl she's supposed to be close enough to ask her to be her maid of honor, needs a sitter. The girl in question could be needing a sitter to sit in her bedroom with the door closed and take a nap- THAT is none of her business. And it's crazy to try to barter services with this girl when she doesn't sound like she's even involved with this babysitting. What is she, his agent?
I completely agree with you. I do not think this girl is nuts for raising her concerns. Asking someone to babysit repeatedly with no "give and take" is just unfair. If they were good friends they would not be asking him all the time and taking advantage of his good nature. I think asking someone to babysit this frequently is taking advantage. share the love with someone else you trust to look after your kids.
I get the impression that most of these responses are from parents who have no issue taking advantage of other people's time and feel that they are more entitled to their "free" time than people who not yet have kids.
Yes the finace can say no but maybe he is a "yes" man and feels bad not helping out. If he loves doing it and does it with no issues then he should say so to his fiance and she can decide whether or not to put up with that now. I do not think there is anything wrong with her concerns. I hope these people are going to take their time one day and return the favour but judging from this story I am not optimistic.
So, once a month= all the time? If her fiance feels taken advantage of, that's a different story, but she doesn't mention that. If I lived close enough to my sister, I would watch my nephew way more than once a month. If I had close friends who had kids, I would do the same for them. Once a month is 12 times a year, I leave MH at home way more often than that to watch trash TV with girlfriends.
Like I said, if HE has an issue with it, then HE needs to step up and say something. If not, she needs to butt out.
I think I just find it odd that you're not asked to babysit together. You're all best friends, right? Why is he the only one asked to babysit?
I also do not believe that once a month is excessive (coming from a selfish lazy parent though) especially if sometimes they get a sitter to go out with you guys since you're BFF's.
"If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it. Don't be mad when you see a knit cap won it. If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it."- Fenton
I don't have kids and I babysit for my friends once a month with no expectation of payment (they've tried to offer and I've refused).
I get the impression that you have no concept of the complete lack of free time people with kids have. They can't even pee alone. I think that warrants them a night on the town once a month. Jeezus.
If her fiance is just a yes man, that's his problem. She is his fiance, not his mommy. She doesn't get to run his life. He needs to stand up for himself if this is actually a problem.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
I see a little of both sides here. On one hand, your FI doesn't seem to care. So... why is this an issue? I would assume he truly likes the kids and has fun with them. Maybe that's what he "gets out of this"!! My parents watch DS a lot for us - and they do it because they truly LOVE spending time w/ DS. That's all the "payment" they want.
However, at the same time, when he asked for a little barter - her response was "no". That's the one thing that kind of concerns me. He IS doing her a big favor and for her to not be willing to "pay" something for his time if he seems to want it... um, yeah, it's something I'd be keeping in the back of my mind.
But then again, this goes back to him. It wasn't until YOU told him to ask for the barter that he did. I just feel that there is something missing from the story. THis is all about you and why it upsets you- but what has your FI said about it, and actually- has your friend ever offered anything in return that your FI simply said "no" to?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10