International Nesties
kelly321
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Handling money - (how) were you taught?
Stellina's comment on the MM/IN thread made me wonder - how did your parents teach you to deal with money, if at all?
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Re: Handling money - (how) were you taught?
My mom is in the financial branch, so it was important to her that we learned how to deal with our money. Starting when I was about 7 (and my brother was 5), we got fake checkbooks (there's a company that makes them for this purpose) that we would enter our allowance in as a deposit every month. Then when we wanted something, we would write out a check to my parents and they would buy the item for us. Actually, the first thing my brother and I bought was an aquarium with fish, which was more than our allowance, so we were able to pay in installments - $5 / month until it was paid off.
I then got my first real checking account with the money I got from 8th grade graduation.
If we're going by results, I think my parents did a great job because both my brother and I are good with money.By watching my parents make terrible financial decisions (including one we're in the thick of that I just posted about on the MM board). Seriously. They're immigrants and generally have a "I want the American Dream" attitude, even if that means getting into mortgages and vacations they can't afford. I certainly admire the fact that they arrived in the U.S. with nothing and worked their way up, but it's upsetting to me that they don't have more in retirement savings and that they seem to have a "well I worked hard for this money, so I should just spend it as quickly as I can" mentality.
Then I met DH who is amazing with savings and he taught me a thing or two when I was already resolved not to turn out like my parents. Part of the downpayment for our first home came from money he invested in the stock market when he had his bar-mitzvah (age 13)!
My parents' erratic spending drives him insane.
Starting when I was about 13, my parents gave me a pretty sizable allowance -- $40 per month. But I was also responsible for buying ALL of my own clothing and paying for any of my entertainment costs (like putt putt or movies with friends).
I also opened a savings account, and it was expected that I would save money, though my parents didn't "make" me save a certain percentage.
I added to my spending money by baby-sitting, then when I got my first job.
The biggest lessons I learned at as a young teenager were 1) wants vs. needs (and doing without one trendy piece of clothing in favor of a few bargain pieces), 2) how to save money, and 3) when money is gone, it's gone....no advances, no loans.
I'm now 31 years old and have a solid retirement plan, almost a year's worth of living expenses in savings, lots of investments, and insurance. I've NEVER ONCE bounced a check or overdrawn an account.
There were some lessons that were really drilled into me, like saving for college. I can remember going to the bank in elementary school and buying savings bonds which I used toward my education. This is part of what allowed me to take advantage of an amazing study abroad opportunity, so I'm really grateful to have seen that.
Otherwise, the main lesson my parents taught me was about being frugal. Growing up, my family vacations were all camping, which I loved, but obviously were budget conscious too. We never stayed in nice hotels. It wasn't until I got my first 'corporate' job and travelled for work that I ever saw how incredible hotels could be.
At times, my mom had to be really inventive about ways to keep food on the table.
DH often jokes that I have a third world definition of 'need.' I have a hard time spending money on things that seem superfluous, like clothes, even when I know they are important in my first world life if I want to be successful.
At the same time, it has been a struggle to watch how he spends his money on gadgets. For example, my laptop battery has recently gone bad. It would cost ?200 to replace it. I figure I can use it with just the electricity plugged in. DH says 'get a new computer.' I think that about sums it up.
ETA: I think DH and I balance each other out--because he sometimes makes me feel okay buying things that I probably should have, but wouldn't have spent money on, or feel comfortable, say, dying my hair because he knows that makes me feel good but isn't something I feel good about doing money-wise. And I off-set some of his 'let's just get it' attitude.
Kelly that checkbook thing is awesome. My 5th grade teacher did something similar, where you could earn "money" by helping out and if you were talking during class or being bad you'd get money deducted. At the end of a certain period she'd have prizes you could "buy". I need to track that woman down and thank her for this early financial education.
You live abroad, no? Your wisdom could really be used in the "Can you be IN & MM" thread.
DH grew up differently than I did and his parents paid things off immediately. They saved, lived frugally and didn't spend to excess. My parents had separate accounts and all I knew was my dad paid the mortgage. He paid for other things but I remember that vividly from my childhood. I think my mom never learned how to save and spend wisely. We're now seeing the effects of that. I would go into it deeper, but I'll just say I think DH and I will be helping sooner than later. It's sad to see someone her age still struggling. It's been a very important lesson for me.
I pretty much picked up healthy financial habits from the way my parents handled finances. They didn't really have a plan designed for me, like Kelly's mom did with the fake checks and stuff. My situation was similar to Avion's, since elementary school my weekly allowance was supposed to cover things like "merenda" (food for recess) for every school day, and other personal items I wanted for myself; within reason of course, back in elementary school my parents would take care of buying me clothes etc, whereas things like toys, stickers, magazines and the likes were on me. Sometimes they would offer to help me purchase more expensive items provided I saved up 50% of the price, then they would match that amount. This is pretty much how I learnt to count (LOL), save up and plan for big expenses. I guess it worked, when I moved to NYC I learnt I needed to establish a history of credit but didn't fall into the credit card debt trap. Phew
We were given pocket money from a young age but when we were really young (like 5) we would only get 5 pence on a Sunday and we would run down to the shop and buy sweets. When we hit 10 we got 60 pence, which was a lot of money to us back in the early 1980's!! But at that age we got a ledger book and my dad would only give us money when we had the entry correct... balance brought forward, allowance, amount taken, balance carried forward... he was in banking!! Still it was mainly things we "wanted". By 12/13 I got a monthly allowance and out of this I had to get toiletries, extra clothes (the ones that my mum wouldn't buy, though she would buy the necessities). I also babysat for loads of families in my area.
My mum once told me never to borrow for luxuries or cars... for these you save up. I still hold this piece of advice and stick to it. In fact, it took me a while to get my head around having a loan for my apartment!!
I've never had a loan other than my mortgage, I have only twice have I incurred credit card interest - once after a trip to Oz and I was waiting for some shares to be sold to pay the full amount, once a few days after N was born because I forgot to pay!! CC is paid in full every month. I save monthly, have shares, have a pension plan...
Despite the fact that my mom isn't great with money and my dad & stepmom fortunately make enough to be the way they are, they did teach me well, or so I think.
From a very young age(4 or so) I got an allowance and I had 3 different piggy banks. 1 was for 'me-money', 1 was for savings and 1 was for gifts. My allowance was small but always cut up into a minimum of 3 different coins so something could go into every bank. If the coins weren't all of equal value, I was taught to count and calculate and make sure that at least half of the total money would go into savings and gifts.
Once in a while I'd go to the bank and deposit the savings (my parents opened a savings account for me at birth). Whenever someone had a birthday I'd have to use money from the gift bank to buy a gift (my mom or dad always came to the store with me and for some odd reason whatever money I gave the cashier was always 'just enough' for the gift :-)
I wasn't allowed to buy candy/food/drinks from my me-money, as we always had enough at the house, but random other 'fun' things would come from that account (like the Madonna duvet cover I desperately wanted, I must've saved my me-money for months for that, but usually that money was spent on books, magazines, cute little hair thingies, earrings etc.)
The savings could only be taken out of the savings account for major well thought out purchases. This is how I was able to afford my own (really awesome) drum kit instead of having to practice at the studio.
I still kinda work that way, except me and gifts now come from the same account and the other portions are savings and necessities/bills.
As soon as my salary is deposited into my account I send an amount to another account (which pays all my personal monthly bills, like insurance, cell phone etcetera) another portion goes straight into savings, a third portion goes into our joint account from where we pay our joint bills (utilities, internet, groceries etcetera). Whatever is left in my account is me and gifts money. I usually don't spend everything, but I could if I wanted to as everything else is taken care of.
My food blog
What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DHa. I worked at a sandwich place summers during college and those who worked the line with gloves were not allowed to touch the money. To touch money your gloves had to be off, to touch food they had to be on. It made it a pain for the afternoon shift when only one person worked, but I completely understand why. Money is disgusting.
I'm sure that's also part of the health code here in Germany for restaurants, but I have been to 3 places here where I have seen them touch money and then touch my food. It skeeves me out, and I think I'm going to start reporting places for it because I like their food but without the side of germs.
Somebody needs to teach this food/money handling lesson to both the butchers and the fish mongers at my local farmer's market. Objectively, I know the money is dirtier, but it grosses me out to receive fishy-smelling money as change.
Somebody needs to teach this food/money handling lesson to both the butchers and the fish mongers at my local farmer's market. Objectively, I know the money is dirtier, but it grosses me out to receive fishy-smelling money as change.
Somebody needs to teach this food/money handling lesson to both the butchers and the fish mongers at my local farmer's market. Objectively, I know the money is dirtier, but it grosses me out to receive fishy-smelling money as change.
By showing me what not to do
But in all seriousness, I had to get a job starting at 15. My parents refused to buy me a car but offered to match what I saved up to $1500 to purchase a car for me. So I bought myself a $3000 car that lasted 5 years. My father really encouraged me to buy used cars because cars are such a bad investment. Since I bought it myself, I paid careful attention to take care of it, unlike some of the kids I know who's parents bought them a new car for their 16th bdays and subsequent new cars when they crashed the first one.
My parents also just stopped buying some stuff for me as a teenager. I paid for driver's ed, my glasses, the final fee to get my braces off, my food (because I didn't always like what they were cooking, I would buy my own food), and my going out money. I think the best way to learn is to not have the money to do what you want, so you learn to save. Although I do resent having to pay for my glasses and contacts as a teenager.