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Can I put all my Christmas vents out there? LONG
Well you saw the one below about shipping of the gifts. I think my MIL should ship the gifts she buys DS rather than expecting us to lug them on the plane.
I think it is ridiculous that we are all traveling to her for Christmas instead of MIL coming out here. We all live in DC. It was a total of six plane tickets (at least DS' was free).
I am bitter that some of the gifts I am excited to give DS I will have to give after Christmas because it would be too much of a pain to ship and put together some items twice.
We have to buy gifts for everyone. It gets ridiculously expensive. You would think we could just focus on the kids or at least give a gift to the household, but no. For example, we give my SIL a gift, her husband a gift, and her son a gift. Three gifts for one family. I would much rather buy for my nephew and possibly give them a joint gift. And of course since we will be in DH's hometown there are extra gifts that we will now have to buy for all the aunts and uncles who will be coming over Christmas morning, my other nephew who I have never met and my husband's step siblings who he doesn't really talk to but it would be obvious that we did not get them a gift so we kind of have to. I don't know why they don't believe in a pick your name gift exchange.
Then for the adults, most people insist on gift cards. Okay fine, except if we are all giving gift cards, it is like passing money back and forth. Let's just bypass the whole thing.
MIL has informed me that I need not worry about DS' stocking, or his Christmas attire because she has already purchased them (including Christmas bib, t-shirt, and sweatshirt). She decides DS' attire on every major holiday. This is nothing new. She buys the holiday bib, outfit, etc. and of course knows that I am too polite to say anything about it. So basically even if I have something in mind I want him to wear, I have to at least put on her outfit for a photoshoot regardless. I guess the thing is that she is getting so much joy out of doing all this stuff, doesn't she realize that means that I am missing out on doing these things?
Oh and she has matching stuff for my nephew so basically they all need to match. Oh did I mention that she has matching t-shrits for DH and I that she sent us last year that she wants us to bring to wear on Christmas morning. 
We are spending a whole week there. A WHOLE WEEK. 
During this time I will be asked 50 million questions about DS: Oh are you going to give him a bath tonight? You know it is cold outside. Why does he still have a cold, maybe you should give him X medicine? He is in daycare people and no I am not doping my child up!
Then of course DS is now in a clingy phase so he is not going to want to go to a lot of people. I am sure I will hear remarks about this.
This is the first Christmas without my father and my mother is going to be on her own (even though we invited her to come as well) and of course I am worried about her.
I am aware that much of this is petty, but if I can't be petty here then I will drive myself crazy irl.
And I know you probably can't tell from this post, but I do really like my ILs it is just that I don't think they are practical and I don't think they are always considerate of other people.
Re: Can I put all my Christmas vents out there? LONG
Ugh, I'm so sorry - especially that your mother is spending Christmas alone. Is it to late to call off the trip for that reason?
At the very least you get to insist that you'll be hosting Christmas next year.
Christmas is such a beautiful holiday; it's certainly a shame that it causes so much stress.
I don't think you are being petty at all. As a matter of fact, I would not have gone in the first place. I am all for being polite and generous with family, including in-laws, but if they are difficult, I don't let any of them guilt me into something or push me around. You are an adult, you have your own family to make the priority. Sorry if that sounds harsh but stand up for youself!
my read shelf:
MD, my mom will hopefully go see her brothers and sisters for the holiday, so she won't be completely alone, but she won't have her immediate family which is now just me. She gets along well with my in-laws, but it will be a difficult holiday for us and I think that she would prefer to be in familiar surroundings with the people she loves so in moments where she needs to be alone to grieve she can do that.
And Jenni, I know I am a pushover, lol.
Grrrr, I'm so sorry. I don't understand the clingy meddling grandparent thing, probably since my grandmother was not like that at all. That sucks!
I have no suggestions for gifts, and it sucks that you have to get something for everybody (and ITA with you on the gift card thing). I do have one suggestion to make that simpler. If you can figure out what you want to get everybody, you could buy as many things as possible on Amazon and have them shipped to your MIL's house. That way you don't have to find a way to pack Christmas presents in your luggage. Then you can just wrap them when you arrive.
Does your MIL at least live somewhere fun to visit?
Yikes. The holidays can really bring out the annoying qualities in people, and I imagine that it's even worse when you throw a grandkid into the mix.
Good luck getting through, and try to look forward to putting your foot down about staying hom next Christmas!
Can you put your foot down and announce that you're only giving gifts to family kids this year, and not the adults? Blame the bad economy and say you're trying to be financially responsible this year, or the fact that you're traveling and don't have room in your luggage for all of those gifts. We're only giving gifts to the kids this year, and I'm very happy about this decision.
ah man, i'm so sorry you're going through this. family stress around the holidays is the worst. i feel you. so first off have a couple of these:
secondly, is there any way you could just do gift cards for xmas gifts? i mean, really these people are grown. or perhaps you can have a talk with your SIL and BIL and lcreate a united front and lobby for family-only gifts?
if all else fails, i say buy your MIL and FIL the WORST matching xmas outfits and try to find the humor in it all.
and then a few months from now, try to lobby for a change for next year. i have tried for years to convince extended family to do charity donations for adults and toys and such only for the kids. they balk about it every year, but i think with the dismal economy we might be able to change course soon!
That sucks.
I second the suggestions for just putting your foot down and announcing that you are only giving gifts to the kids. If your husband has any siblings or other family that you think might be sympathetic to this approach, I'd call them first to get them on your side, before making the announcement. Honestly, I think most people will be relieved.
And find out where the nearest liquor store is when you get there.
You are not being at all petty. I am totally feeling you on every single one of these points. You are totally right that she should have some consideration about all of your feelings. You are expected to ship gifts back and forth, you have to listen to their comments and do things their way, your son has to wear the outfit she picked out, YOU have to wear outfits she picked out, DS can't have the gifts you give him on Christmas day, and it's a whole week??? You seriously deserve a few drinks and spa vacation after this one.
I know how it is with IL's. You can like them in theory but they can be way annoying. Have you talked to DH about this, especially the bit about your mom being away from you and DS? Maybe there is a way to cut the vacation short. Maybe go to MIL's for Christmas and only stay a few, then go to your mom's. I'm sure your MIL should be able to understand your mom wanting to see you and DS also on Christmas, esp considering she is alone and MIL has tons of family around.
*sigh* oh, the holiday season.