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Am I wrong in what I did?
Can I ask your opinion on something? I am not sure if what I am doing is ok. FWIW, the kids are in my care 100% of the time, I have tried to work out a visitation schedule with him, but he is unwilling.
Today is STBX's day off and he would have the kids if the visitation schedule is approved (our court date is in a few weeks). I emailed him yesterday morning at 10am asking if he was going to be doing something with the kids (he had mentioned it to them on the phone). I got an email from him at 6:40pm with no plan, just a statement saying he wanted to see them. I asked him again what the plan was because I am not comfortable just dropping them off with him since he has no place to live (he has been staying in a hotel for almost four months), the kids need to have naps, he has no car seat for our son and, again, no plan.
He texted me at 3am saying he *might* take them to Chuck E Cheese or he *might* take them to a baseball game, again, no concrete plan. I told him, since I had to work and I didn't hear from him before I went to bed, I made alternative childcare arrangements. Needless to say, he is mad. I offered to drop the kids off with him at 5pm tonight at Chuck E Cheese and pick them up at 7pm. I have not heard back.
Is what I am doing reasonable? I feel as if he didn't give me enough notice and I don't feel comfortable just giving him the kids without some sort of plan for the day. I would feel a little more comfortable if he had his own place to live.
Re: Am I wrong in what I did?
You are being totally reasonable. You couldn't count on him to make a solid plan and you have to work. If he wanted the kids, he should have communicated it. Let him be mad.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. My Blog
I guess my biggest concern is he has no place to live except some seedy motel that he has been staying in and I don't want him taking them there. I have some major trust issues with him (he cheated on me, lied to me and was using drugs), so I want to know where my kids are going to be when they are with him.
Lying and cheating don't mean much in terms of his ability to parent, however, drug use does. Why aren't you pursuing supervised visitation if you suspect drug use?
I am, but we have nothing in place right now until our court date. He didn't show up to mediation and is completely unwilling to work with me on a temporary agreement. I am not sure he is still doing drugs, but the 3am text didn't help my suspicions.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
If I were in your shoes, I'd err on the side of caution and not allow visitation until the court date to protect your kids.
Lack of a proper environment to take the children to, lack of a car seat, and prior drug use are all valid concerns. Do you have an attorney you can talk to? Honestly, if this were me and there wasn't a court order in place giving him visitation and I had all of your concerns, I wouldn't let him take my kid. Period.
Now, him not telling you exactly what he is doing during his time is reaching a little on your part. No court in the world is going to order him to do that.
Thanks everyone!
Yes, I emailed my attorney, but haven't heard back yet.
And I know you are right about him telling me exactly what he is doing, but I think my other concerns, of which he never addressed, outweigh that one.
This. You have every right to know what his plans are. He'll just have to learn the hard way that if he doesn't inform you of what's going on he doesn't get to take them. Period.