Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
worried about sex.
Me and my Fi will be married at the end of the summer. We don't live together and are both still virgins. I'm very concerned that I won't make him happy in the bedroom. That I will mess up or that I won't satisfy him. I have no clue how big he is and I'm afraid it will hurt. Can anyone offer advice to a scared girl?
Re: worried about sex.
Wait until the next night.
Take your time --- go slowly and lots of foreplay. It will probably hurt; don't expect to orgasm.
(In the meanwhile, I hope you've been masturbating --- if not, start. This is the only way you'll know what makes you orgasm --- show him what touches do the trick. He'll be more than happy to oblige; count on it.:) )
Also make sure you and he communicate in the meanwhile --- tell him your concerns.:)
If you're interested, mainstream book stores carry DIY manuals for couples --- it's not porn; it's strictly how-to for couples by couples. Don't be shy; you can check them out in advance and if you're comfortable with what you see, buy the books.:)
Ditto PP's advice. Take your time and don't expect it to be fantastic right away. As long as you are patient and communicate, things should go well. Don't feel bad about yourself if he doesn't orgasm the first time. He is probably nervous, too, and that can affect his own performance. But once you two get used to it and learn what the other likes, you shouldn't have to worry about satisfying him (he gets to have sex, after all!).
There are lots of good books out there, but I wouldn't recommend buying anything published by Comso just yet. Joy of Sex and the Keep It Simple series Guide to the Kama Sutra are two books that really helped me.
And don't forget to use lube. Lube will help a lot to make the whole process easier and less painful.
you have never seen your fiance's penis?
i totally know what you mean. it was the same situation for me and my husband before we got married. the main things to remember are that you need to communicate before the wedding night. hes probably nervous too. and i very strongly recommend lubricant. i felt so awkward when i first bought it like i was getting into the crazy stuff but its actually very common to use it. you get dry if you dont use it at least when you start out.
so no one told me that if you havent masturbated before you might not even be able to have sex for a while...they said itd hurt but thats it. we actually could not...fit...for about a week of trying. if you dont wanna masturbate you can just use your fingers to stretch the openning of your v. just out your thumb on the back side of it and push a little bit for a second and let go. do it a few times every day. if thats still too much of a grey area for you you could always wait and have him just use his fingers when you first get married.
the main thing is to remember that he loves you and hes gonna be glad to have sex. always communicate about the things you and he want to try and the things you have or havent liked so far. dont say negatives if you just finished though and be gentle about it of course. that way youll always know whether youre pleasing him. try to relax and have fun. you have your lives together to get better and better at this. and trust me if you communicate it does get better and better
This indicates to me that you two having even "fooled around" or had some experience together. If that is what you want (or even if you have had some experience), communicate, communicate, COMMUNICATE. That is the basis of a good relationship, and also a good sex life. If you're scared or worried, talk to you soon-to-be husband. If you can't talk about this, what CAN you talk about?
I absolutely don't mean that to come off snarky. But if you don't talk about it first, and get to a place of mutual understanding, it won't be as good of a first experience as it could be. Make sure that you both are on the same page. Either way, congrats on the impending marriage! I hope you can both discuss this huge step in your lives
H and I were virgins too.
We talked a lot. I let him know I was nervous etc etc. Foreplay is your friend. Lube too. Go slow. Be prepared with towels in case you bleed.
Don't expect it to be like the movies, especially the first time. Your clothes may not magically fall off, positions might be a little difficult to get into at first, you will both probably be nervous and you might have a little pain or discomfort at first. Communication is the absolute most important thing, especially as you both figure out your likes and dislikes.
I second PP who said it's good to be silly and light hearted about it. There might be a lot of silly/slightly embarrassing things that happen and if that can bring you closer together it will make your sex life better in the long run.