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Need help reaching out to separated friend (bit long..)
Hey guys, as most of you have been through this stuff I hope you can help me with how best to approach this situation.
One of my H's best friends from his childhood has just had his wife decide that she is not happy in their marriage and wants to leave. He was pretty shocked I think, although they had been having counselling. They have an 18 month old son and of course there is a lot of background that I don't know, but the husband has mentioned to my H that she has struggled a bit with postnatal depression. She has refused to take antidepressants even though they might really help.
They lived overseas for several years before moving home to have the baby after he couldn't find work where they were living at the time, so I have really only got to know the both of them well over the last 2 years.
So here is the thing, I haven't spent a great deal of time with her one on one but I was wanting to maybe send her an email or something to let her know that I am there if she needs someone to talk to or hang out with. I would not want her to think that we have taken sides because my H is obviously loyal to his friend. I don't know how many close friends she has here, I know most of their good friends are overseas, and I hate the idea that she might be feeling alone with everything, particularly if she is depressed. She has opened up to me about some stuff before, although not regarding any relationship issues.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I might word an email to her that will let her know that I am here and won't judge her decisions? What would you have wanted to hear in this situation? I keep going over things in my head and meanwhile time ticks on and I haven't sent anything to say I'm thinking of her.
Any advice would be great. 
Re: Need help reaching out to separated friend (bit long..)
I would want to know pretty much what you said - "Hi, you've been on my mind lately and I just wanted to let you know I'm here for you if you need anything." Don't get into details, and don't ask many questions. That might make her think you are using her to try to get info for her husband. Just offer your support, and leave it at that.
FWIW, one of my closest friends through my separation has been an old friend of my XH. She separated from her husband the same time we split, and it's been great for both of us to have someone to vent to. I know I can trust her, even though she was one of "his people" before our split.
This. If I were in that situation I would have appreciated that someone cared enough to write a short e-mail. I wouldn't automatically jump to thinking they were out to get dirt for X but maybe that's because our split was relatively cordial. I think it's a nice thing to do even if she doesn't talk to you at least she knows someone is there for her.
But at the same time, she might appreciate it and she may need someone to talk to.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Thanks for the suggestions. I definitely have no intention of taking anything that she might choose to share with me back to her husband, or even my H, I would not want someone to do that to me should I ever be in the same situation.
In our social circle most of the guys grew up together but also a lot of the couples have been together for a long time and know each other really well. I am a relative new comer to the wider group and while she has known most of them for longer than me, I think she's still a bit of an outsider because she didn't grow up around here (like me). We aren't what I would call close, no, but she has made an effort to reach out to me in the past so I would like to reciprocate if I can. She is the type who is very concerned with how other people see her and her life so I know making the decision to separate must have been a very hard one for her, like exposing some sort of imperfection.
I think I'll just start out by letting her know I'm thinking of her. I would be surprised if I don't hear anything back as I know she keeps tabs on me through FB so hopefully she wants to stay friends regardless of what happens.
Thanks again.