Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
A guy with history of mistreating women...
Would you date anyone who was known not to treat women well during their college years? I find this tidbit through a friend that went to college with this guy that I am kind of interested in. It has been more than 15/20ish years since those rowdy days. He was a well known athlete who hanged out with a very rowdy bunch then since they all were top athletes.
Would knowing this deter you from going on a date with this guy? He seems pretty nice now... but I am so gun-shy because of my first ex husband and do not want to go through something like that but at the same time, I don't want to punish innocent guys because of my past.
Thoughts?
Re: A guy with history of mistreating women...
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior, so... I'd be cautious.
But at the same time, I feel like college is a time period unto itself. People do a lot of things in college that they don't do the rest of their lives. They outgrow it.
My take - I'd go out w/ him, see if there is a connection, and then go from there. I'd be VERY cautious, though, and take things SLOW. And if you see any of those same behaviors creep up, I'd confront him on it, and then I'd drop him.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I am not really quite sure... I have more digging to do.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I would say it is an "orange flag" lol
15 years ago is a long time, but some people do not change... Yet, some people DO! Give him a chance, but make sure you go slow and be cautious.
PS- If "mistreat" means abuse... then I personally would not get involved.
Also, how did you hear this? It's always important to consider the source.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
The guy I asked is actually the husband of one of my best friend. He went to college with him. Though, he was never a jock himself, not sure that makes any differences or not.
This is a deaf guy... the deaf community is worse than a small town. Everyone knows everything about you and it is something that cannot be avoided unless we venture off in the hearing world isolated from the deaf community. I actually know a lot of deaf people globally. If it was 15 years ago, I would never date a guy like this... but now that I am older and been through some crap, I do believe some people can change... but I am trying to determine my boundaries to what degree that is.
There is actually a lot of people I can find more information from but I am trying to be extremely careful who I talk to because I am not ready to announce to the deaf community that I am ?available? otherwise I will have a flock of over eager deaf guys coming to me. I also don?t want my private life out there as well.
Everyone knows very well that this guy deeply loves his son. His son is very cute and extremely well behaved. I know that is not enough information.
I am actually proud of myself that I am doing my ?homework? but this is all new to me and I want to be extra careful.
My XBF was a douche in college - by his own admission. (I didn't know him then.) He was very honest and self-aware about his past behavior, and I never saw any indication of it. He had outgrown it. TBH, I was probably a bit of a douche myself at that age. I'd hate to know that people were still judging me by my 18 year old self.
I say go out with him and keep an open mind. Trust yourself enough to recognize the signs that he's not a good person - that's what dating is for, and not everyone comes with prior recommendations/non-recommendations. As a pp stated, also consider the source. If he rejected her or a friend of hers 15 years ago, I doubt she'd sing his praises. If we all took other people's words as gospel, then nobody would ever date. We all have a history.
I know the person I was in college and the person I am today and it's two very different people.
Unless he was truly abusive, I say give him a shot and proceed with caution.
No, you don't date guys with a history of mistreating women. He seemed nice to those people too, back then.
I was thinking this too but then I would be a hyprocrite. I had my fair shares of going after "bad boys" in my younger days.
Dated around, wasn't very 'nice', sure, if he's changed his ways.
Hit? No.
If the information was reliable, then yes. I would not date someone with a history of mistreating women. That type of behavior is more than just a surface mistake. It's an internal problem.
If you're talking about being inconsiderate 15-20 years ago I'd give him a chance to see if he had changed. I'd be very cautious. If you're talking abuse (verbal included) then that's a deal breaker for me. Cruelty isn't something that just happens. It isn't a limited mistake. It's something that people get better at using to their advantage and hiding from the general public.
I agree with all of this. I was kind of "player" in college. I kept guys on the hook while looking for someone "better" and I was known to get around. I am sure if you ask the regular bar crowd from when I was 22 all of them would say I am not relationship material.
Now-if he has a history of abusing women, date rape, things like THAT-no, I would not proceed. If he has a history of being a player things like that-proceed with caution.